Young Writers Society

Thanks friends for those comments...and I hope I'll try to improve my poems...but Happy to see that you friends are here to correct my mistake...
Btw today I wish this poem to my frnd and lovely sissy, they both have birthday today. Thanks

Hi I'm taria and I'm going to review your poem, hope you don't mind ^^
First of all let me say that your friend is lucky to have you, and I hope he/she has a great birthday!
So here are some line by line comments:

You've been gone awhile and I've
missed you so,

and now birthday wishes it's time to
bestow #FF0080 "> [the word order seems a bit strange to me, but then again you often have to change it because of the rhyme. Just pay attention to your rhyming so it doesn't look forced. (I know I have too) ]

I hope you have a good one, filled
with so much joy

I don't know what you want, would
you like a toy? #FF0080 ">[again looks a little forced, but i somehow wouldn't want to change it. it gives the poem a kid like feeling that i like and fits well because later you talk about what you might give them next year]

I wish I could be there to spend this
day with you

But I'll give you this poems in hopes
that it will do

So now I'll say "Happy Birthday
friend , My Dear"

perhaps I can give you a better and
beautiful gift next year...

I'm not sure how i feel about dividing each sentence in to two lines, but I guess if you didn't the lines might be too long.
All in all just a very sweet poem. I liked it a lot ^^

Keep writing!

This was touching. Your friend is blessed to have a friend like you, and happy birthday to them! This poem had a child-like happiness about it.

You've been gone awhile and I've
missed you so,

and now birthday wishes it's time to
bestow#FF0000 ">.

I hope you have a good one, filled
with so much joy#FF0000 ">;

I don't know what you want, would
you like a toy? This line seems like it is just here to rhyme, and it does not flow as well as the other lines.

I wish I could be there to spend this
day with you#FF0000 ">,

But I'll give you this poems in hopes
that it will do#FF0000 ">.

So now I'll say "Happy Birthday
friend, #FF0000 ">my dear,

#FF0000 ">and perhaps I can give you a better and
beautiful gift next year...#FF0000 ">"