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The boat was sinking,
the hole expanding further,
the boat was on verge on capsizing,
when a glimmer of hope showed...
the hope seems like a hand..
with no methodology to dispose off
the water was on its way
to wash the life of aspiring mens.
The hand was not new
under the pressure to safe lifes .
I did not asked more.
Stretching my hands for help,
I cried aloud ..
but to dismay...
the hand vansihed every time I tried to hold on..
the boat was sinking..
and my heart was palpalating.
The last day seems inevitable..
and disheartened I ceased to “ask for more”..
Pondering over the years that I lived.
Not one day could be listed as a bliss..
each day was a challenge with new avenues to deal with..
but stil had the courage to move despite all odds.
This is what I learned from my loved ones..
Suddenly a voice pierced through the lonely night..
that asked me my view of life and death..
confusing as it was..
I could only sense the inevitable effigy of death..
the voice asked me the reason of life.
Frustrated I asked it to leave me alone the last time..
abhorrent As the voice was..
told me that difficult times are meant to be handled by oneself.
Aghast at the suggestion at the crucial point of hour..
I stood up and asked the way..
the voice sarcastic tone grapped me..
and I could sense the challenge that IT unleashed infront of me.
The dying soul at once felt the fire..
and as a last try shouted for help and close the hole..
to my surprise some light came through..
that glimpse made my heart fill with hope though.
The light was from another boat..
that heard my parched soul..
the saviour came close.
And took me with it from the black hole..
I wonder how situations can be handled so easily,
where attitude matters in each penury...
life is all about perceptions and way forward..
it is imperative to attempt no matter what the current situation is..
the quagmire can never be ignored but should be explored..
the conundrum should be handled, with drum beating away the darkness..
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I like this poem.
It was beautiful!
There are a few spelling mistakes, but I think most are typos.
Near the start of the poem, you wrote "the head vansihed", instead of "the head vanished". There are a few other points with typos, for example, you spelt "still" as "stil".
This is my favourite section of the poem:
"Pondering over the years that I lived.
Not one day could be listed as a bliss..
each day was a challenge with new avenues to deal with..
but still had the courage to move despite all odds.
This is what I learned from my loved ones.."
At times, I found the poem a little bit hard to understand, but I still think it was written very beautifully and I very much enjoyed reading it. The idea/descriptions of the hand were also very intriguing.
Thanks for writing this
"Not one day could be listed as a bliss...
each day was a challenge with new avenues to deal with...
but still had the courage to move despite all odds."
This was probably my favorite quote, something that I experience every day of my life. Beautiful work!
I’m not an expert, but in my opinion, I think that it would serve you better if the piece was put into paragraphs. This way it would look less overwhelming to readers and perhaps it’s just me but there’s nothing more off putting than a long piece of text. Regardless, I found this poem pretty intriguing. I especially enjoyed the portrayal of ‘the hand’, how it was ‘not new’ and how it ‘vanished every time I tried to hold on’. How mysterious.
I’m not an expert, but in my opinion, I think that it would serve you better if the piece was put into paragraphs. This way it would look less overwhelming to readers and perhaps it’s just me but there’s nothing more off putting than a long piece of text. Regardless, I found this poem pretty intriguing. I especially enjoyed the portrayal of ‘the hand’, how it was ‘not new’ and how it ‘vanished every time I tried to hold on’. How mysterious.
Thank you alittlehost for your time. I will definitely keep the paragraph suggestion in mind.