i am still stuck, in this garden of memory,
yearning to be yours / longing to be loved,
rooted into your skin like a parasite.
you know that i am a heliotrope,
coming in each time with rapid succession,
season in / season out,
i have seen myself wilt and grow again & again,
& again & again, with each sowing and reaping,
i still do not realize that it is you who kills me.
you cut my buds before they bloom,
bottle all the pollen i release,
& you rest easy,
knowing that i have only bloomed for you,
only fructified for you, have only known your hands,
your light, your love.
i know to be grateful for adoration,
& i will tell myself that
it is enough
it is enough
it is enough.
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,736 Reviews
Hello! I really enjoyed this poem. I especially love the turn in
I do have a few notes that may help while you’re editing -> for one, the opening lines are strong, but "yearning to be yours / longing to be loved" feels a little repetitive since both phrases communicate the same desire. You could play around with making one side of the slash more specific, especially because the following parasite image is so vivid.
I also really like the heliotrope metaphor, but "coming in each time with rapid succession" feels a little awkward in comparison to the organic language throughout the rest of the poem. You could simplify this moment OR let the seasonal repetition carry the idea:
or even just
The repetition of "again & again" works for me because it gives the narrator's suffering a cyclical quality, but I wonder if you need both instances of it. Breaking the repetition across stanzas draws attention to it, though it also slows down the movement toward the revelation that follows. You might want to experiment with condensing that stanza and seeing whether the realization is more impactful when it arrives sooner in the poem.
And - not sure about "your light, your love" since it is revealed that this person’s love is harmful, so ending the sequence on "love" softens that. What does that look like in human terms - is the "you" dismissive, jealous, controlling, emotionally withholding, possessive, etc?
All the best!