Young Writers Society

PReader here to review!

Ok so I'm going out on a limb here, trying something new since I don't know that much of what makes a good song. Bear with me here. XD

This song is really honestly amazing. And kinda special for me because of a book I read once. It was sort of an analogy type story where the analogy for salvation was drowning. It was really deep (no pun ) theologically and kinda challenging to comprehend the full aspects of the analogy, but this song reminded me of that book trilogy.

The song was noticeably short. Actually really short. And the separate chorus is kinda confusing. This may just need a little tuning (again no pun ).

The lyrics are... predictable. It sounds like a lot of other songs out there. You need to ask yourself, "What can I do to set my song apart as distinct from others?" Also there's no rhyme. Now your prolly thinking, "I didn't rhyme on purpose." And that's ok. But rhyme give a song flow. You want singers to feel flow in a song. And flow makes a song easy to write a tune to, easy to sing, and easy to remember. Do reconsider the lack of rhyme and flow, hmm?

Still I love the song and I love reading stuff like this on here. Really encouraging!!! I wish I new the tune so I could sing it! I love singing... Do you?

Hello, Chips here with a review.

I'm really glad I stumbled upon your lyrical piece today. It was refreshing to see a song, which is Christian based that seemed to mean a lot to you. The impression I garnered from the title and the song combined is that it's a worship song centered around worshiping God for the unconditional love that saved us through grace. Lyrically, I can see it being a song actually being sang.

However, I do have a few nitpicks which may be of help to you.

Verse 1 was generally good, though I had a slight issue with the opening first line of it.

"I'm on my own, within your presence"

It didn't seem to flow rhythmically, the word "within" also could be rephrased as it's not fitting in the line in context. Perhaps, *I'm all alone, in your presence* ? Something along those lines.

"All i am i trust in you Lord

Im in awe in the power of your love"

Here, you jumped in and out of punctuation. The "i"'s should continue being capitalized and you need an apostrophe like so, *I'm* in your second line. The second line also needs to be grammatically correct. Maybe, "I'm in awe *of* the power of your love" ?


"To purchase me forever"

The word, "purchase" doesn't sound too lyrically appealing, especially in this context and topic. You could use a different adjective.

"I'm all alone, im here Lord Jesus

ill sing as i worship and praise you"

Here, you jumped out of punctuation again so be sure to proofread your work. You need apostrophes and uppercase "I''s.


"today unto forever"

As this is the last line of the song, a full-stop would be useful.

Overall this was a lovely song, well done and keep writing! Hope this review helped.


--Chippy

This is very beautiful. I can feel all the angles of love you put into it and that to me makes this a very honest piece. I'm not sure if you meant it this way, but to me it seems that the person in this song, who is now religious, was once in a very dark and lonely place and got out of through God's light. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but that's what I got from it and I liked it. Keep on writing.