Wish I could fly away
To somewhere where guilt rewards
And pleasure causes no pain
Wish I could stop this icy flow
Of hateful words and blood
That make me taste this bitterness
Wish I could put into words
How adrenaline beats fast
And wipes away sanity
Wish I was allowed to relinquish
All semblance of thought
So that I can let go
Wish letting go was easy
So that pain would release its grip
Let go of me and my grip on reality slips
Wish it would all just go away
Guilt, pleasure, pain, hate and bitterness
Adrenaline and insanity, reality
Wish are a fantasy
and these things will forever haunt me
No matter what I do
So now you've read it.... i dont really care if you liked it or not but I NEED feedback! If you saw this and you didn't coment then you are not a nice person. Do I have to beg you? PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK GOOD OR BAD!!
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Honestly? I liked this. It was refined and well-said. I love your use of words and this stanza:
was brilliant.
Okay, I know you're trying to keep 'Wish' at the beginning of each stanza, but in the last one:
I think it just makes it look sloppy and I think if you said Wishes it would still fit, and technically begin with wish. I just believe it would help the poem have a better ending.
Anywho, overall, a great poem. Bravo.
Take it easy, hun, you know people will still reply or not reply even if you "threat" them.
Anyway, it was a nice poem, I wish it would have rhyme, but it did not bother me that much.
There is only one line that I do not understand:
particulary the beginning. What did you mean to say by "Wish are a fantasy"? Perhaps you wanted to write "Wish is a fantasy". That's it, and keep up the good stuff!
Even if you hadn't threatened my nature... I would have replied...because I liked it a lot...!!! it indeed is very nice. What I really loved was that you have shown that wishes are just that, wishes. And things you have wished for are also not something everyone wishes for people wish for stupid and silly things (look who's talking!).. All in all... I like it very much.. If my review seems stupid...well...It is stupid but im kinda small...so I can't review very well... Keep writing!!:)