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18+ Language

Last Exit to Now/Here

by shima


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.

This was an "experiment" on my part - I thought what if I wrote a monologue of a guy getting drunk while I was getting drunk myself? The results can be read below (and they are surprisingly coherent). 

Heh. See that couple over there? Aren’t they cute? Reminds me of me and Mary in the past. Remember Mary? Of course, you do – she was your prom date. Difficult to forget such a thing. Sadly that it ain’t like this anymore…and after we have another fight I often wonder – where is it? Where is the love I knew?

You know, the kind of love that seems only to exist on old and worn out VHS tapes, hidden in a box somewhere in your attic. The kind of love that only exists in those black and white French romantic comedies. The love you believed in when you were young when everything was so beautiful and marvelous when every trip to the amusement park seems like a dream come true. When you believed that you would meet someone, of course by accident, on a party or maybe in class when she would come sit next to you. She would be perfect, cute, smart…a spot of color in a gray landscape. And of course, of course, it would be love at first sight and you will love each other forever and ever. Your dates will always happen in a small artisanal café, always while it is raining and pretty much always in Paris or so you would think. You would run together in an autumn forest, leaves falling around you two and she laughing, pretty like a picture. You’ll grow old together and die on the same day. Stupid childish dreams, I know…but how sweet they were. Then I grew up, got old and tired and that love died. Sadly enough. And now I sit in this rotten hellhole and wonder – where the fuck is that love? Where did it go to?

When I hear about a colleague that is being abused by her boyfriend – is that the love I knew? When I hear about a good mate of mine who is dumped by his high-school sweetheart – is that the love I knew? No, of course not. It isn’t that – it is fucking real life. And it sucks, man, y’know. It isn’t what I dreamed of, not at all. It is for real, but it doesn’t feel real. It feels like something out of a tragic comedy or a satirical take on the modern world. Not like the day-to-day reality. Always working, always away, never having the time to see your girl or your daughter even through Skype and Messenger. And when you home – it is just fighting and fighting and more fucking fighting. I make the money, I pay the bills and the home and I pay my daughter’s studies, for god’s sake. Why is she even angry at me? Who cares that I missed her birthday three times in a row…I did buy her presents. Eventually.

Man…I need another drink…cheers, to how much life sucks when you are middle-aged.

It is like in that movie, y’know, Trainspotting. No, not the original – the new one. The one that takes place 20 years past. Rentons life has gone to the crapper and he finds no better solution to return to his old mates - the same ones he ripped off back in ’97. And the entire fucking movie deals with how when you’re 40 you just have nothing better to do than to think about the past and reminisce about how things were better when we were young. Remember us as teens? Yeah, awesome right. Going to parties, picking up chicks, living the life. And then we grew up and had to face the music. Take responsibility and stuff. Forget your dreams, forget you aspirations – just finish university and be done with it. Master is not even necessary – we can kill your soul even when you’re a bachelor. In all the senses of the word.

Get a job, get a wife, get a kid. Get out of the train of your dreams, to the now and here. Choose fucking life, mate. Choose all the shit that comes with it and please don’t remember that at some point you thought there were some positive sides to it. And then just live with it…don’t care that you are pretty much dead on the inside and that your only solution seems to be in booze.

Cheers, to alcohol and all its positive effects. Or negative ones…I don’t care anymore. I just want to feel good. Want to fill up the hole inside my stomach. The hole that is growing the farther away I drift from my friends and family. The one that seems to suck up my soul. Man, let me get another drink and then I’ll go home…tomorrow it is my daughter’s birthday – turning 18, that little minx. Or 19…not sure. I will be home for it…for fucking once. Finally.

What do you mean I am so drunk that you won’t give me booze ? Fokken ‘ell mate. 


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Thu Nov 16, 2017 4:45 pm
zaminami wrote a review...



Hello, shima! It’s Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside...

STOP! Grammar time!



I'm just going to mark the ones I can with red because I'm too lazy to write explanations.

this anymore…{ }and after we have another fight I often wonder


She would be perfect, cute, smart…{ }a spot of color in a gray landscape.


Yeah, awesome right?


And then just live with it…{ }don’t care that you are pretty much dead on the inside


I’ll go home…{ }tomorrow it is my daughter’s birthday – turning 18,


Or 19…{ }not sure. I will be home for it…{ }for fucking once.


What do you mean I am so drunk that you won’t give me booze ?


Suggestions:



No suggestions. This is definitely a drunk person, I can tell.

Confusing things:



Nothing confusing :D

Other comments, reactions, and fangirling:



No other comments.

Overall:



Overall, I really liked! This is a very good monologue about a drunk guy, realistic, and I overall liked. Very creative idea. Great job and keep up the great work!

Give me your soul --

Kara

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Fri Nov 10, 2017 3:14 pm
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Ashketchem says...



I love it but it could not use drunk in it a lot because someone I know died from beer and stuff like that so don't joke around about stuff like that.




zaminami says...


Hey, Ashketchem, I know it might be offensive to you, but joking about beer is just fine. I found it perfectly funny. My grandfather was a HUGE drunk and alcoholic and he's dead now, but I don't find it offensive. I get that it might be offensive to you, but people are going to write about drunks. Just wanted to let you know --

Kara



Ashketchem says...


It is still offensive to me and I don't like how this person jokes about this OK.



shima says...


The brother of my grandmother died because he was a drunk. I know some people whose lives had gone to waste because of their drinking. I perfectly understand what it means to be an alcoholic (since...I sometimes drink a bit too much myself) and that is the reason why I am writing about them. People often dehumanize alcoholics and addicts because of their addictions, because (in the general view of society) they were "weak". I hate that and that's the reason why I write about them. It is not a joke and maybe it wasn't clear enough - but this person is not happy with what he is. He does not like himself for what he has become.



Ashketchem says...


I know but you know some things seem offensive to some people.



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Sat Nov 04, 2017 9:01 am
Jenthura says...



Keep drinking. Keep writing. This was interesting.




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Tue Oct 31, 2017 6:35 pm
MrBrainwasher wrote a review...



Hi! Whatever you did there has got me here. Writing while drinking, awesome! Cheers!
Now the review.
I don't know why, but you should have edited the piece, after you were sober. The fact that shows you didn't can be seen in these elipses
"Man…I need another drink…"
"then just live with it…don’t"
Now, your mid-age man doesn't really sound like very matured. It sounds partly like you, and partly a mid-age man. It's tough, but if you would edit the piece you will be in the vicinity of the character.
Now correct me if I'm wrong
"Where did it go to?" I think, it should be, where did it go?
On why your character doesn't sound like a mid-aged man.
First of all, men mostly love their daughter. Your ones seems to be having a problem with his daughter, because she is angry at him for forgetting her birthday. If he is around 40, daughter must be around 11. So daughter sounds fine, but father sounds like a kid here.
...
Your man seems to be speculating over what love is. The questions like falling in love in first site are the least in the list of a mid-age man. That's what I think
...
A mid-age man would definitely suffer from family and friendship problems and questions you put up as your character should have been titled in this side. He should be feeling a guilt for not remembering her daughter's birthday. And since he doesn't I really feel very averted to him. Whatever this man speaks becomes least of my worries. I don't wanna listen to him. That's what I feel. You chose a great topic, but I don't think you edited it.




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Mon Oct 30, 2017 10:31 pm
ayyitsellie says...



This was a really beautiful read and hit me at my core. You did such a great job pulling me in and putting me through everything the narrator had been feeling. And made me wish I was a kid again to experience the world in all its innocence.

This was incredible. Thank you for sharing it!





"Beneath this mask, there is more than flesh. Beneath this mask, there is an idea, Mr. Creedy, and ideas are bulletproof."
— V for Vendetta