They mostly come at night...mostly. Every once in awhile though, I’ll hear screams in the middle of the day, at school, or maybe while I’m watching TV, and know what’s causing them. When that happens, and every night before we go to bed, we being the people of Nevada City, we kneel down and pray to whatever we believe in that our friends and family are not the victims.
The...things, I don’t know what they’re officially called because no one ever speaks of them, showed up only a few years ago. Before then, Nevada City used to be a cheerful place, where everyone knew everyone and loved to be helpful. Now, however, people hide in their homes and steal when they can. We try not to get attached to people because you never know when one morning you’ll wake up and they’re gone. Deceased. Killed by the things.
There are stories about them, but no facts. Nobody who has ever seen one has lived, supposedly. Some claim they’ve seen them before, but people scarcely believe them. They say they are as fast as lightning, and you can only see them for a fraction of a second until you’re dead. But, in that fraction of a second, you can barely make out their gleaming red eyes and long, black, sharp fangs and claws.
I might have seen one before, I’m not sure. I was six, and I was playing in the front yard with my ragdoll, Jillie. As I made her swing on the rusty, rickety swingset, something got my eye. It was black, and had long, sharp claws. Then I blinked, and it was gone. But I heard a growling sound and everything was dark. I woke up in my bed with my mom worriedly standing over me. She said I had a bad dream. But I’m not so sure.
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,844 Reviews
I loved reading this! You have to write more. The way you opened definatley grabbed my attention right away. I love how much details you have in certian parts expecially the explination of the swingset. However, the only thing I feel would make it sound better is if in the first paragrah, insead of saying "or maybe while im watching tv" saying "even while" or something along thoes lines. I love it. You have to continue it.
Oh my god, awesome and I really want to read more! God, I would love it if you made more or a sequel or something, tell you what, try putting it up on Wattpad: http://www.wattpad.com/
You never know, it may get a lot of reads! I bet it will, I really enjoyed it!
My favourite lines must be: something got my eye. It was black, and had long, sharp claws. Then I blinked, and it was gone. But I heard a growling sound and everything was dark. I woke up in my bed with my mom worriedly standing over me. She said I had a bad dream. But I’m not so sure.
I really want to know if it was real or just a dream, I'd like to think it was real though since then it could take you down a path where you could make up a reason why she wasn't killed and why it just growled, blackness, and then she woke up.
Again, try Wattpad, it's really helped me a lot as well as this place. You never know.
Thanks for a creepy yet awesomely awesome short story!!
I loved reading this! I'm hooked now and you MUST write more! What are these mysterious black creatures I wonder?
You have done a great job putting this together and you have showed true potential in mystery writing. The thought of a once cheerful city turning so sour and bitter towards one another as these horrible creatures take over is just amazing!
I can't wait to read more and find out what happens next! I'd like you to describe the girl? Put in a description of her and of what she looks like etc so we know more about her. I like at the end where you went back to when she thought she first saw one as it gives us an insight to her past in a way.
Fantastic writing! Keep It Up! XxXx