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E - Everyone


by sherryegy96

According to pen and paper, you slapped me a hundred times

I saw true meaning of humiliation in you and realized who have been wronged

Why do you when a foreigner comes to you,

Know how to pat his back,

While your face becomes a wooden mask and you turn on the one from you

Do you know how black honey is?,

This is what your state reached

How do you continue on while all of that happened to you?

You are a country that is being pig headed with itself

You are everything and its contrast

How can I while I am out of patience still see hope in you?

She casts you away while she’s hugging you

And that is what makes you crazy

A country you don’t know if you live in it or it lives in you

She steals from you and lends to you

She wrongs you and still she stands by you against injustice

How can we be gathered in your hug while you are in that state of yours?

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Points: 624
Reviews: 4

Sat Feb 07, 2015 4:37 pm
sherryegy96 says...

i didn't write this this is the translated song lyrics the original song is i Arabic but wanted to share with u here a very popular song in egypt

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134 Reviews

Points: 474
Reviews: 134

Sun Dec 28, 2014 4:20 pm
DrFeelGood wrote a review...

This was not a very pleasant read. Call me overtly optimistic or over enthusiastic but I don't like the tone of your narration. Either you're a native (You then have a right to question your country or a foreigner (don't think that is the case in this song at least) Either way, this felt thoroughly pessimistic.

I know you want to write something to kinda 'awaken' the nation but this is not the route to go. I'd call it a dead end. I tried it with a story where a man fights corruption by stealing from criminals but the effort fell flat on it's face. If you're really serious about this kind of writing, I'd like to warn you in advance.

2 reasons:

1. The natives feel mocked at their own tragedy.

They get a feeling that their country is being portrayed in a very wrong way. It also triggers the spread of cliched thoughts about a country. People don't feel like reading their own tragedy.

2. The foreigners get a wrong message.

Agreed, Egypt has some problems. But every country faces it's own problems. By telling your troubles in a very "direct" way you portray your country in a way that is not very good to say the least.

The solution:

I won't leave you with unanswered questions. Try a different route. A unique route. Tell the same thing in a different way.

You are a country that is being pig headed with itself

You are everything and its contrast

Rather than directly speaking to your country (This cliche has been done to death) try something different. What if a man from history sees his country's present state and speaks to the country? Try something unique. That shall both click in grabbing attention, work well because it is new and the joy of writing something new is really awesome. All the best for that! I hope you come up with something like that!

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111 Reviews

Points: 1731
Reviews: 111

Sun Dec 28, 2014 1:22 am

I love this sooo much!! I write some poems but im not very good at it! LOL The only thing I noticed in this one tho is that it didn't flow that well. It was good but there wasn't much rhythm.. :) And sometimes I didn't understand it cause it took me a second... so maybe a little less cryptic...


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10 Reviews

Points: 483
Reviews: 10

Wed Dec 24, 2014 6:29 pm
Anlon wrote a review...

This is interesting.
In my band, there are two main lyricists; me and the lead singer. He has a very cryptic style of writing, similar to yourself and it's really interesting to see this similarity.

While it is cryptic, and mysterious and that helps to catch attention, it doesn't flow well. It stops and starts and they're doesn't seem to be much rhythm to it.

I have to give you credit though for; "You are everything and its contrast." That is a really really good line, really stood out to me and it has an awful lot of meaning to it.

So nice one for that line! But you need to work on your flow, and try to be a little less cryptic. Being cryptic is cool, but too much of it and people get lost, y'know.

The reason a boat sinks isn't the water around it. It sinks when water gets into it. Don't let what's happening around you weigh you down.
— dalisay