A Adventure to a New Home
Once upon a time there was a prince who didn't want to be a prince. His name is Zuko, and his brothers and sisters teased him every day, because he wanted to be a famous singer. One day (like a week or so after he was born) he was sick of being teased, so he ran away. He promised himself ???that he would never return, or think of his prince life. Little did he know that he couldn't escape his past for long. Oh I forgot to mention that the prince is me.
Five days after I left I saw a billed board that said 'missing prince if return him you get $100,000' I was like wow, I wounder how my siblings are taking this me getting all the attention even when I ran away. Then Bella found me.`
"Do you have a home little boy?" she asked nicely.
I was never treated nicely, so I didn't trust my voice. So I shook my head no.
"Well I will take you home; What's your name?"
Ok now I'm in trouble ; I still didn't trust my voice, but there was no way of getting out of her question without talking.
"Zuko" I said trying to sound shy, and it worked!
"Oh, well I was heading to the store. Why don't you come with me?"
Go to a store, I've never been to to a store before; I've always had had servants go to the store if I wanted something that wasn't at the castle, so I wasn't worried.
"Sure." I said in a nice voice. didn't even know I had a nice voice!
"Then get in the car Zuko." she said still sounding nice, like I was a baby instead of five years old.
I had fun at the store, and mom spoiled me. She got me a ton of toys, fish, and new cloths. We talked and talked in the store and on the way back. She said she has a daughter named Azula. She told me not to mess with her until she gets use to me.I thought like that's going to happen, I'm use to bugging my sisters.
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Well, this was a pretty wholesome little scene, seems like the start of a pretty interesting story here...there definitely is a lot of questions to be asked there towards the end of that scene.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay...well, this is very interesting, we have a bit of a narrator fakeout situation almost where its started out as if we've got a random person narrator this story from a long time ago and then it just cuts right to this person talking about himself. And well, this is certainl a very interesting story there...which a prince that it not treated well and runs away from home. Not too often that you run into stories like this one.
Alright well...considering this is a little boy and a complete stranger I can't help but jump to the conclusion that this lady has some less than honorable intentions in this current course of action that she's taken...and well, it certainly seems like this could lead to something bad..but of course...it is also nice to see how this boy that has never been treated well is being talked to kindly so if this lady is genuine this is a pretty sweet scene here.
Alright, looks like these two are hitting it off fairly well there and it looks for the moment like this lady is being fairly genuine...this interaction by the two of them certainly brings a smile to your face here to see that this boy is discovering some new thing here and the lady is treating this total stranger like her own child here.
Hmm...okay...well...it looks like this ends on a happy note there with the lady taking this person in at the end of things. Well...this looks to be heading somewhere pretty wholesome there...certainly quite a sweet ending.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, a pretty solid start to this story right here...aaand well, I think I did enjoy this one quite a bit here...it certainly put a smile on my face to see this one who ran away from a bad home end up being taken in by this kind lady.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
This really wasn't very clear and the grammar needs to be fixed a lot... for example, "AN Adventure to A New Home" not "A adventure ...". There were some of spelling errors, like "wonder," not "wounder," and "okay or OK" not "ok."
A lot of places needed commas and periods, and you were changing between past tense and present tense.
It doesn't really have an ending, I'd work on that. Also when you say "and he was like" it seems very childish.
Alright,
MY first thought after reading: this is weird!
i think this is supposed to humorous and it is, if you think about it in a rather surreal sort of way.
if you only sort a few things out and you know write in a little more formal way this can turn out to be good. there are however a lot of grammatical mistakes for instance
why the sudden change of tense?
anyway the age thing was very surreal and i liked it.
it's kind of a very weird piece and I'm not sure what to say exactly other than that it was enjoying
Can't wait to hear more!
its only part of it