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The Finders

by shatteredstones


Chapter one - Faerie Way



"Faeries?" The elf boy scoffs, "Faeries don't exist Jashir. They are just wives' tales. I mean come on! Little things that fly in the air?" He makes a butterfly shadow puppet with his hands and rolls his eyes. He is tall, blonde, fair skinned and blue eyed. The elf has scruff and a wiry strong figure, and clearly doesn’t really believe in anything that he hasn't seen before.



"You used to say the same thing about willow wands, and they are just a technology!" Jashir brandishes his willow wand in exasperation. "Now you know they exist and use them for everything!”



Leikin sighs, “So I was wrong one time! That doesn’t mean everything and creature, I don’t happen to believe in exists!”



“There are enough facts to conclude that Faeries, most likely, exist!” Jashir smiles in excitement, “I've found leaflets full of tales and legends of them. We are explorers, if we can't find the faeries then no one can- If we find them..." Jashir baps Leikin on the head with the leaflets. "I am right and... you must..." He carefully contemplates what would be the best revenge for his friends' weak-mindedness. "Kiss a Spriggan!"



Leikin looks over his tan skinned companion. He stares into his hazel eyes trying to understand his angle and messes his brown hair. Jashir is less fit than Leikin and much smaller. Being thin and not very strong. He has a more cheerful and gullible personality than his skeptical friend.



Leikin rolls his eyes. "Ever the charmer Jashi. Fine, but when it turns out that these pamphlets were just Stardust dreams. You, owe me a Dewdrop." Leikin smirks and points at Jashir as he leans on a conveniently placed sapling. " A nice tall, Dewdrop."



Jashir's eyes widen. "A Dewdrop? A tall Dewdrop? Do you know how hard it is to get the Gnomes to even let you near a Dewdrop speakeasy? Let alone actually buy a bottle? You do remember we're Elves right ?!? Why can't you just settle for more LilySilk Wine....." He makes eye contact with Leikin uneasily. The truce between the elves and the Gnomes was hard to procure, and the factions still held prejudice. It would be dangerous trying to attain such a drink.



Leikin ruffles his own bright golden blonde hair, removing his crumpled cap and tosses it to the ground as he struts towards his companion. "You don't want to forfeit, do you Jashi? I won't think any less of you, at least, outloud."



Jashir rolls his eyes as he continues walking. He shoots Liekin a sideways glance. " I'm not going to forfeit a bet to you, drunkard! I'd rather live with a Redcap. It would definitely be better than you gloating. My end would be swift." We’ll just find a way if Leikin is right, which he isn’t.



Leikin laughs and his hand inches towards his satchel. The mere mention of his alcoholism enough to make him want another drink. "I'm no drunkard, I just like nature's bounty, like any self respecting Elf."



Jashir's hazel eyes shine like fire as he remarks. " Self respecting, is that what you call it? Last time we went to a tavern you passed out in a banshee's lap if I recall correctly." After staring his companion down he looks at the leaflets full of writing in his hand. "Anyway I've got several areas where faerie sightings are prominent here. Where should we start?"



Leikin eyes Jashir after snatching one of his pamphlets. "Fern Grove. It's a fun place, what can I say."



Jashir's eyes widen. "But it is always dark in Fern Grove! Not all of it has even been explored!" He shudders at the thought of the dark creepy place. No light ever seems to enter the Fern Grove. The stories go that at one point it was light there, but it has been centuries since. He can’t help but feel there is a dark presence there.



"Would you rather get me the Dewdrop now Jashi?" Leikin chuckles coyly, walking off with one of the leaf pamphlets. He isn't much afraid of the dark, nor does he read well into omens as he isn't a bit superstitious.



"Nonono... Dark and creepy is fine." He runs up to meet Leikin as they begin their journey. "But we aren't far from the Fern Grove. Why do you think they would be there?" He looks around happily at the trim trees and short grass in the lighted meadow around them, and then with anxiety at what lies ahead. The grass grows taller and darker and the trees are close and violently twisted.



Leikin trudges along unknowingly. "I don't think they will be there, nor anywhere Jashi. I told you they're wives' talk, but the fellow that wrote this said " He puts on his best spooky voice." 'There will be different colored flashing lights green, blue, and gold.' " He wiggles his eyebrows and almost trips over a gnarled stump. " Who moved that?!?" He looks back at the stump incredulously as he continues walking with Jashir. " Anyway, doesn't that sound like Stardust dreams to you?"



Jashir rolls his eyes. "Says the elf who thinks someone moved a stump under his feet. You picked this place first because we don't have fireflies and I hate the dark, didn't you!" He looks over at Leikin accusingly as they are walking.



"What, me? No, I'm drunk beyond my ears, remember? I can't even keep track of stumps, how would I have such a masterplan?" Leikin folds his arms chuckling and looking at Jashi. He walks beside him, directly into a tree. "Ow! Okay! That tree wasn't there before! I'm not kidding! Take your face out of your leaflets, the forest is moving!!"



"You got me! Leikin you got me. It was me. I just had to hit you in the face with a tree today." Jashir giggles sarcastically looking up at his clumsy companion. "It isn't possible for anyone to move a forest! "



Leikin takes his LilySilk Wine out of his satchel gulping some of it down, and pauses his stare devoted to a single item. He points the seemingly unassuming thing out to Jashir with a panicked breath. "It's the root, Jashi. It's the root."



Jashir looks at him quizzically, actually moving his pamphlets to his side. "What root? There are a lot of roots in this vicinity. It's a forest!"



"The root I tripped on earlier!" He looks around for less than a moment and finds his cap. It's lying next to a familiar stump, yards from where he had tossed it earlier. Leikin affirms. "We are walking in a circle, and things are moving."



"Leikin you are beyond drunk. Fern Grove is right up there." Jashir points ahead on the path to a dark canopy between saplings and ferns. It's an unfriendly atmosphere. The sunlight is blocked and the cold air seeping out of the dark foliage has the musky smell of decay, the wind passing through is thick with humidity. Jashir isn’t very excited to enter the grove.



"Okay." Leikin blinks, analyzing his surroundings once more. "You go first then, I'll follow you when you get past the entrance, but this forest doesn't like me. I'm staying here for now." He plops down on the dew filled grass stubbornly guzzling the rest of his LilySilk. "Go."



Jashir looks at Leikin and fears wash over him. The Grove is terrifying in all its dark splendor and the entry of the canopy is bequeathed to the gates of the underworld in Jashir’s mind. "But it's dark in there."



Leikin puts the bottle down his voice firm and slightly exasperated, not understanding the depth of Jashir’s bad feeling. "Just go."



Jashir looks up the path uncertainly; he takes a step sways nervously and then looks back at Leikin's serious expression. Taking a deep breath he walks up the path he gets to the edge of the entrance of Fern Grove, and turns. "Leikin?"



Leikin rubs his face irritably and slaps his hat back onto his head, "Do you see the lights Jashi."



Jashir peeks into the canopy. "N- .. wait! I see one! It's red! " He seems excited and even edges into the Fern Grove ever so slightly. "It's red and it's zooming around!"

Finally Leikin jumps to his feet, curiosity overtaking him. "They didn't mention red lights, are there anymore?"

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Sun Jan 31, 2021 3:34 pm
ImaginativeAlice wrote a review...



Hey Alice is here to give a review!!!!!

I always like when a story starts with diologues it spice the story I think, especially when there are conflicts going on. It was a fun read. I have always liked the fantasy genre especially the ones with the dwarfs and elfs.


Suggestion


Leikin sighs, “So I was wrong one time! That doesn’t mean everything and creature, I don’t happen to believe in exists!”


This line seems a bit confusing I think you planned to write something else instead of "everything and creature"

Leikin eyes Jashir after snatching one of his pamphlets. "Fern Grove. It's a fun place, what can I say."


"eyes" should be "eyed" I think.



Leikin looks over his tan skinned companion. He stares into his hazel eyes trying to understand his angle and messes his brown hair. Jashir is less fit than Leikin and much smaller. Being thin and not very strong. He has a more cheerful and gullible personality than his skeptical friend.


I always wondered why the thin and not very strong person is always of cheerful personality.


The ending is quite interesting and will get people hooked like I did.
Hope you continue writing this story!!!
Bye!!!

I am unquestionably, definitely, obviously, not at all a sus




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Sun Jan 31, 2021 8:20 am
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raindrops wrote a review...



Hi! So raindrops here decided to read your first chapters after reviewing your latest ones.

So after reading three chapters of your works, I've grasped an idea on how you write, and it continues to amuse me. I also noticed that your characters are more of an extrovert type. They are lively, says what they think of, and is just in general more bright than glum. I particularly like the bits of comedy where each of them thinks of something they take a stand on and in turn fears or do not believe of it. So without further ado, let's see more of my other comments.

You do remember we're Elves right ?!?
After reading that Leikin doesn't believe of faeries, it's amusing that he himself is an elf. That's some nice surprise plot there. The introduction of his kind went smooth for it wasn't introduced in narration but through their dialogues.

"Anyway I've got several areas where faerie sightings are prominent here. Where should we start?"
After the first sentence I quoted, none really caught my interest, and that's not a problem, however that carried on for long. although their exchange of dialogues were good and written alright. So I'm glad you finally start the action in the story again, here. Maybe the reason why I got a bit bored is that I personally did not like their betting and being a drunkard topic; however, that's just on me, so no worries.

Jashir's eyes widen. "But it is always dark in Fern Grove! Not all of it has even been explored!" He shudders at the thought of the dark creepy place.
Hmmm, it's not very obvious but I'm seeing a pattern in how you write these characters. They contradict their selves a lot.

"You got me! Leikin you got me. It was me. I just had to hit you in the face with a tree today." Jashir giggles sarcastically looking up at his clumsy companion. "It isn't possible for anyone to move a forest! "
Okay, by now, you've convinced me again. These dialogue exchanges are witty. Although at some point I got exasparated by Leikin and Jashir's attitude towards each other.

Finally Leikin jumps to his feet, curiosity overtaking him. "They didn't mention red lights, are there anymore?"
AAAAAH! Why'd you have to end it there. I wan to see if they're faeries - probably not tho. This cliff hanger is good. It wasn't stated in a way where it's insinuated that this is going to happen, or this is a mystery in an intense way. What I felt was that I was walking, just casually, when suddenly there's none. Just none. It made me question, what? is that all? And that is annoying - brilliant, because you enticed me to read the next chapter - coolly.

Overall: And that's all I have. I might have more to say if I read this first before chapters 3 and 4, but oh well, it's done. Now, something I'm curious to know about, is what exactly are the creatures that live in this world of yours. Will there be human? Or does this mainly focus on mythical creatures? I love fantasy stories, and one of the reason is world building. You create your character's wonderfully, but the hint or details you put in what type/kind of world/system they live in is minimal or barely noticed. Maybe I'd see more of it though, so I'll just keep on reading.






There are no humans :P Thank you. :>



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Sat Jan 23, 2021 4:37 pm
shatteredstones says...



reboot




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Sat Sep 12, 2020 8:38 am
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Ken95 wrote a review...



Good morning / day to you.
I'll start off by saying this was really a wonderful piece to read. It creates an imagery in the readers mind and that's very awesome.


"Faeries?" The elf boy scoffs, "Faeries don't exist Jashir. They are just wives' tales. I mean come on! Little things that fly in the air?" He makes a butterfly shadow puppet with his hands and rolls his eyes"

I love the way you started this very interesting story. But I am not entirely certain if there were typos or you did it intentionally. I guess someone pointed it out already so there will be no need to ponder much on this.

There are not much to be criticized in this amazing piece. Though the repetitions were a bit off but it wasn't much of a distraction really.

Over all. I'd say I love the concept of this. I'm not entirely a fan of fantasy but this one right here got my mind busy as though it was an animated movie from DreamWorks animation.

I'd just stick around for the next chapter / episode.
Keep writing! Kudos!




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Sat Sep 12, 2020 4:32 am
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EM8650 wrote a review...



Hello there.
As far as first chapter go you have done fantastic with this one.
I love the way you have started the chapter by saying,
"Faeries?" The elf boy scoffs, "Faeries don't exist Jashir. They are just wives' tales.
It's a good way to get your readers hooked.
I also quite like the mystical tone your setting.
Over all amazing work.
I can't wait to read the next chapter.




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Thu Sep 03, 2020 3:50 pm
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Valkyria wrote a review...



Hello Gem,

Happy review month! Let's get started:

I'm a sucker for fantasy, so this hooked me in right away. The story has an interesting premise and the characters are fun. Jashir and Leikin are interesting enough to follow, and they're dynamic is great.

One thing I was confused about were their ages. In the opening paragraph, Leikin is said to be a boy. Yet, he drinks alcoholic beverages. I know they are elves, so are the rules different for them?

Obviously, elves and gnomes exist. Many other mythical creatures must exist too, I imagine. I found it so funny how the existence of faeries is a tale, and Jashir and Leikin are going to hunt for them. Just like children too.

I actually like how the dialogue dominates the chapter. It's a style rarely seen in fiction. There's a good blend of action too, so the characters don't feel like floating heads.

I will say, I would like to see imagery when the characters find Fern Grove. It's the start of their journey, something really important. My instructor taught me that description is important, but too much will water-log your story. Describe the settings most important to your main character(s). (If the scene either progresses the story or adds more character depth)

Overall, great job!
Athena






Yes the rules are different and will be expanded upon in due time thanks for asking :> . Thank you <3



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Fri Aug 28, 2020 4:44 pm
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HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi Gem!! I'm Harry....think this is the first time I've run into one of yours. That description was very interesting...let us see what lies beneath. Also I see that Loonz reviewed this which means your grammar mistakes must have been thoroughly covered by now so I'll stick to plot and character.

First Impression: Hmm...as far as openings go this is really good. Definitely going to hook readers (namely me...tag me for the next chapters really well. You've done a wonderful job building the tension there and the very casual mentioning of fantasy element without an info dump is also nice to see. Fantasy stories always seem to start with way too much information but I am happy to report this one does not. Anyways....more nitpicky things up ahead.

Let's get right to it,

"Faeries?" The elf boy scoffs, "Faeries don't exist Jashir. They are just wives' tales. I mean come on! Little things that fly in the air?" He makes a butterfly shadow puppet with his hands and rolls his eyes.


Hmm...usually not the biggest fan of starting with dialogue but this one's a pretty good take on it so it'll do. And its a pretty nice bit of banter which is my weakness for making me like a story.

Leikin ruffles his own bright golden blonde hair, removing his crumpled cap and tossing it to the ground as he struts towards his companion. "You don't want to forfeit do you Jashi? I won't think any less of you, at least, outloud."


I think that needs a bit of reordering there. I mean you wouldn't ruffle your hair before taking the cap off so starting with taking off the cap then mentioning ruffling seems like the way to go.

Jashir's eyes widen. "But it is always dark in the Fern Grove!" He shudders at the thought of the dark creepy place.


Umm...dark creepy sounds a little...repetitive I think...not entirey sure but it just sounds a bit off...

"Nonono... Dark and creepy is fine." He runs up to meet Leikin as they begin their journey. "But we aren't far from the Fern Grove. Why do you think they would be there?" He looks around happily at the trim trees and short grass in the lighted meadow around them, and then with anxiety at what lie ahead. The grass grew taller and darker and the trees were close and violently twisted.


That last sentence reads a little awkwardly...something like "The grass grew taller and darker, the trees growing closer and violently twisted" sounds a bit smoother I think but then that's what my brain tells me.

Jashir looks at Leikin fear washing over him. "But its dark in there."


Just a suggestion but I think if you show his facial expression here it would be a little bit better.

Jashir peeks into the canopy. "N- wait! I see one! It's red! " He seems excited and even edges into the Fern Grove ever so slightly. "Its red and it's zooming around!"

Leikin jumps to his feet. "They didn't mention red lights, are there any more?"


Lovely ending there. Does a wonderful job building tension. I might just read that second chapter before I have to sleep.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Okay....overall...hmm...pacing wise I think its on point. Didn't feel too rushed or too slow at any point. The flow was pretty good, it was pretty easy to see what was going on. Their surroundings are slightly murky but then considering this is chapter 1 and you're building some mystery that's fine for now but soon you're going to want to include some descriptions here and there. And last of all the characters. First of all full points for friendly banter. Very, very realistic conversation there. It didn't feel artificial at any point. The characters themselves seem fairly unique on first impression but then I can't say too much till we know more. At the moment, I can tell them apart well enough by the way they talk and act which means you've done a great job so far.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry






Thanks awesome review!



HarryHardy says...


Your Welcome!!



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Fri Aug 28, 2020 1:34 pm
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Seirre wrote a review...



Hi Gem! I'm here for a quick little review :)

I know I've already said this but I love the dynamic between Jashi and Leikin! I think your dialogue is pretty spot-on when it comes to showing their friendship bromance, and it's definitely light and joky for the most part which I really love.

You mentioned this being short, and on a related note, I think that might be because it's so dialogue-heavy. On the one hand that does make it a quick easy read but I think it wouldn't hurt to sprinkle in some more descriptions to balance that out a bit - maybe their inner thoughts and reactions, their emotions, or more descriptions of the setting.

For example I'd love to hear more about what the forest is like - that's a really good chance to give a spooky setting and create a sense of suspense, and just sort of establish a feeling of fear/unease in the reader.

I've enspoilered all my little typo/grammar nitpicks below, 'cause that stuff's pretty boring.

Spoiler! :
"Faeries don't exist Jashir. They are just wives tales. I mean come on! Little things that fly in the air?"

*wives'

He carefully contemplates what would be the best revenge for his friends weakmindedness.

*friend's
Speaking of friends, what a mean friend. Be kinder, Jashi.

"You don't want to forfiet do you Jashi? I won't think any less of you, at least, out loud."

*forfeit

" Self respecting, is that what you call it? Last time we went to a tavern you passed out in a banshees lap if I recall correctly."

*banshee's
Also, I still love how casually he says that xD

"Ow! Okay! That tree wasn't there before! I'm not kidding! Take your face out of your pamples the forest is moving!!"

Just a teensy typo, I think this was meant to be pamphlets?

Jashir looks at him quizically. "What root? There are a lot of roots in this vacinity. It's a forest!"

*vicinity
Jashi, that's some solid logic right there.

"Okay." Liekin blinks analyzing his surroundings once more.

*Leikin ;)


Overall, I love Jashi and Leikin and the dialogue between them is great <3 My only major critique would be adding in some more descriptions! I hope you find this review useful!

Keep writing!

Loonz <3






i misspelled my own character na-

*is done*



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Fri Aug 28, 2020 12:06 am
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mothbroth wrote a review...



'Ello again!

There are some arguments between characters, which is something I always enjoy. The chatter going on isn't too realistic for a story with elves, but it also isn't way too out there to the point I don't understand half of it. Although the chatter can become more if you add depth to the characters there. They, of course, have great detail already, but here is something that I mean.

"Leikin laughs and his hand inches towards his satchel, itching to sip his beverage at the mere mention of his alcohalism. "

I can imagine these characters as children or adults, so mentioning alcohol without giving a lot of attention to their age is going to end up with some questioning people. Also, I usually never mention grammar things, but it should be "alcoholism" instead.

Lovely names too. I think that brings your world to life. The places, people, and objects all have some kind of name thought up. I know I probably can't read them aloud, but that is good for creativity in my opinion. (Please explain how to pronounce Leikin.)

This is a little on the shorter side, but I can't find anything to mention that isn't just me fangirling over your writing - Good job!

Axi






Leikin (pronounced ' liken'). They are both young adults. <3 and the rules for drinking in their world are different than ours. They are 17 and 18 respectively. This will be further elaborated on later in the stories. I can only hope I will have you as a reader then. :> <3 Keep reviewing! You are great at it my dear! (I will change that misspelling I didn't even notice it !)




I wouldn't think "impossible" was even in your vocabulary.
— Sharpay Evans, High School Musical