There is a place i go,
that no one knows
and doesn't know where to find me.
Where I hide my fears
and try to disappear
from all the hate that surrounds me.
There is a place i go,
that no one knows
and doesn't know where to find me.
Where I release my pain
and try to maintain
the feelings inside that torture me.
There is a place I go,
that no one knows
and doesn't know where to find me.
Where I cry my tears
and wish to hear
the sound of your sweet voice calling me.
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey there! New member, I see. Welcome to YWS! Why don't you introduce yourself over at the Welcome forum? Also please make sure you review two posts before posting your own work. Try to keep the ratio of reviews to your own posts 2:1.
So just go back and quickly edit that.
Now to your poem.
First off I'm going to say try and keep your i's capitalized where they need to be. This is a writers' site and we all like good grammar here.
You have nice theme going on here. I know what you're talking about and I get the feel of it. However I think you can improve this poem in some ways.
In this stanza you first say talk about releasing your pain, and then right away you say about maintaining the feelings that torture you. Do you want to release those painful feelings of maintain them. These are both powerful ideas but they cancel each other out. You need to stick to one thing. What is it exactly that you feel? For some reason I feel that the poet is not clear about their own feelings. And when you're not sure about your feelings or exactly what you're trying to convey through your words, it's not going to be too great of a poem.
I advise you to sit down and close your eyes and imagine that certain safe place and exactly how you would be feeling if you were there. What would it look like? A dash of imagery would be nice too.
Any questions, feel free to PM me.
-Zehra