An Eye For An Eye, my book unfinished

I wake up to find dad putting the letters on my cupboard, I squint my eyes to see as the blurriness fades. “Morning duck!” says dad patting me on the head. I grunt and wake up, “mum’s?” I say pointing to the letters on the cupboard,

“Yep, you can read them after school” says dad patting my head before leaving. I get off my bed and have a glance at the letters, sadness rushes through my body. Those letters are for me from my mother... in prison. She was convicted for premeditated murder, so she was sentenced to life imprisonment. I had mixed feelings about it at first, because she’s my mother and I love her, but she’s a criminal and I don’t love her.

It is hard to think. When I found out that she killed this woman after an argument. I did not understand... she’s argumentative and a murderer. Dad says he doesn’t feel anything for mum since he found out about the murder, as soon as mum got put into prison, dad filed for a divorce, mum and dad were together for eight years. And now everything has gone down the drain.

The thing that really annoys me is the fact that the prison hasn’t allowed mum to have visitors because she’s been disruptive in prison, and dad doesn’t even want me to go. Mum has tried to write letters to him directly, but he just never opens them, it makes me feel sad that our life has been shattered like this over a crime. Mum’s letters never say anything about what she has done, she doesn’t justify herself, she just writes saying that she misses me and what she has been up to in prison. She only ever wrote one to me saying that she was guilty, but that she doesn’t want me to see her as a criminal or evil person, but as her daughter and that’s it.

Everyone at school knows about mum, luckily they don’t say anything about it. At school I meet my best friend Jess, “hi! You okay?” she asks me running up to me, we link arms and walk around the school before the bell goes, “yeah, my mum sent me another l letter today.” I say,

“What did she write, how is she?”

“I didn’t read it yet, so I don’t really know” I fake a smile

“Oh, so why do you look so glum?” she asks worryingly

“It’s just...” I stop to find a way to explain this to Jess, it’s very hard for me to express myself properly, and I normally keep things to myself. But she’s my best friend so I trust her.

“It’s been four weeks, and she writes me a letter now?!” I scream,

“Four weeks is not that long, why are you so angry about it?”

“She normally writes me a letter every week, but it normally takes another week for it to arrive, she said in her first letter, that’s how she planned it from the start, if it was three weeks I would understand, but four? It doesn’t make sense.”

“Maybe the posting company thingamajig took their time, don’t worry about it, or maybe too many things have been going on in prison and she doesn’t have time. At least you got a letter.” Says Jessica, and she’s right. I should be grateful my mum has written me a letter, instead of worrying. School passes by quick and I find myself back at home.

I go in to find that dad is still at work, I go upstairs and take the letters into my hands, I sit on my bed and stare at it for a while, I stare until it changes colour, “This is stupid!” I think to myself, “It’s just a letter why am I being so fussy about it!?” I open the letter and read it.

Dear my beautiful Katrina,

Sorry it’s been long since my last letter, things jsut aren’t the same anymore, I am going through a lot of pressure right now, but this letter is not about sad things. I spoke with my lawyer, he said I might be a out of prison in about three years time, I know it seems long but it really isn’t, then I can see you and your father again. I don’t want you to be sad because I know it seems like a long time for you, but be happy darling, just think that... this might be my last letter. Be strong for me. My week has been good, I’m healthy and I’m trying to exercise a bit these days. A couple of preachers came the other day, I’m not religious and you know that, but they were talking about forgetting the past and moving on with a better future. It really applies to me, you and of course your father. This moves onto my next subject. I’ve been allowed visitors next week. I would love it if you came to see me, and I would love it even more if your dad came. Please persuade him for me. I hope school is good and you are getting all the right grades, any trips? I love you a lot and don’t forget to write back.

Love you always.

Your mum Rebecca xxx 

.......................................................................................................................................................................................

I take a moment before I react, then I sigh deeply. Mum seems happy in her letter, but I don’t understand, why is she under pressure? A lot of questions whiz through my head, but no answers spring to mind. I can’t ask dad, as he won’t even be interested. But what he will be interested in is if I ask him to come with me to visit mum, I don’t care what he says this time. I will go. I want to see my mother and he is not going to stop me this time. The door opens and closes as I think about dad. I walk to the top of the stairs and stare at him as he takes off his leather jacket and violently places it on the coat hanger. “what’s wrong now?” I say as I run down the stairs to stand next to dad, he ignores me as he throws his bag off his shoulder and it hits the glasses on the dining table. They shatter obstreperously on the wooden floor. “Dad, c-c-can you calm down please!” I shriek as my body trembles in fear. Dad swears as he fights with his tie.

He walks around in madness as he struggles to remove it. “Oh what the hell!” he screams so loud my ear drums cry. “Shut up! Okay shut it, it’s a tie you have to remove it properly! Can you please just sit down and tell me why you’re so angry?!” I shout as I put my hands on dads shoulder. Sometimes I feel like his mother. Since mum got put into prison he’s been acting so weird and immature. He glances at me and decides to sit down. My eyes scan the room in worry. I stand in front of him. “So, what happened at work that made you so mad?” I ask

“What else, you’re mum”

“Mum? What do you mean mum, what has she done, she’s in prison for goodness sake!”

“Doesn’t stop her from disrupting me in my workplace, apparently she has been sending me five letters a day, and now I have been given a warning” dad says, placing his forehead on his palms.

“I’m speechless, did you read the letters?”

“I haven’t had time have I, there’s about twenty something letters in the posting department for me, she’s been sending them over half term two weeks ago, and it got in the way of actuall business letters reaching us, that means my department has been put into a business halt because we haven’t received any vital letters for the past week, and I’m in trouble for it.

“I understand now, just don’t be mad please, she just wants to speak to you, I read the letter and she wants us to go and visit her” I say picking at my fingers.

“I know, she’s said in nearly all the letters she wrote, I only read three, and their dated to like a month ago, I was wondering why you didn’t get that letter two weeks ago. Seems like something is up with her”

“I was wondering that too all day today, but she said she’s under a lot of pressure, just go and rest dad, it’s only a warning, at least you didn’t get fired. Sorry about mum, I’ll tell her in my letter when I decide to write it.” I smile.

Dad nods and goes upstairs. I clear up the shattered glass on the floor and go to my room to sit and think. Mum says she’s under a lot of pressure which is why she hasn’t written my letter on time, but why has she written at least twenty-something letters to dad? She knows when he has his holiday time so it doesn’t make sense at all.

What pressure is she in? I feel so alienated without mum by my side, I know that if I was ever feeling upset, she’d always come and comfort me. But 20 years without her is too much. I might be 16 and nearly an adult, but it would be nice to have my mother around. Dad is wonderful and he always keeps me entertained, but it’s hard to open up to him, he grew up with everything right in his life, he always had enough money, decent clothes, wonderful parents and the amazing mansion house. So he can’t really relate to what is happening to me.

The next day dad wakes me up a bit early, and sits opposite me by my computer. “I thought about what you said, about us going to visit you mum in prison-“

“Dad to be honest I don’t care what you say I want to visit mum and whether you like it or not I will go” I say, being upfront with dad.

“Fine by me” says dad. My eyes widen as I am taken aback. “Aw thanks dad!” I throw myself to hug dad as we laugh together, I start crying randomly and it won’t stop. “Are you coming?” I ask dad. “Yes, but only this once. For you Katrina”. dad smiles at me. He gets up to get ready for work. I quickly get ready for my last day at school until the summer holidays. As I arrive at school I tell Jess the good news. “dad said I can go and visit mum in prison!” I shriek to Jess. “oh my gosh, unbelievable!” says jess as she hugs me, for the rest of the day I can’t even concentrate at school at all, I’ve been given two detentions so far. Back at home I got on with my homework and started thinking about mum again. I get on with writing her a letter as a reply to hers.

Dear mum

Thanks for your letter. Dad said I can come and visit you in a couple of weeks, I’m so excited mum! But why are you under pressure? What’s wrong? I hope it’s not anything bad. Yeah I’ve been getting good grades, I got the A I always wanted in maths and English. I’ve been given a certificate as well. Dad got a warning at work because of your letters bombarding the company apparently, so he was really really angry, he is coming with me to visit you so he might bring that up. Don’t worry I’ll tell him not to. I hope you come out soon.

Love you always

Katrina xxxx

I re-read my letter again and again until it’s just right. I go out and put it into the rusty red post box. As I walk home I see dad on the opposite street talking on the phone, looking very business-y, as usual. “hi dad!” I shout from across the road. He waves and lets himself into the house, I quickly run in the house and dad taps me on the shoulder before putting the phone back into his pocket. “that was the prison, we need to go in... now” says dad.

“why?”

“I don’t know, maybe your mum is ill or something, they only ever do that because of that reason”

“ill?! She can’t be, let’s go now!” I shout as I get my coat back on.

We get into the car and I put my seatbelt on, without even looking at it. All I can think about is mum. It takes a total of two hours and a half to get to mum’s prison, since it is in another town. Called Shiffister. Dad drives into the prison driveway. As I set my eyes on the building, I am shocked. It looks like a dark old castle, vines have started to grow around it and there are no windows. The grey bricks look like they have had a lot of dust collected.

As we go in, we have are given name badges and security cards. Suddenly a man dressed in all black with a grey tie, he has a bald head with a little bit of grey hair growing on the sides. He looks like he is in his late 30’s. “hi you must be Mr. White, and you’re Ms. White” he says shaking our hands. “please follow me into my office” he asks, as we walk behind him I see no bars or prisoners, it just looks like a cold dark place. There are different doors with different names on. There’s Crime Office, Security Office, , Staff Room etc. We walk into a dark hallway into an office called Lawyers Office, then we enter a new room called James C. We go in and he points at the seats where he wants us to sit.

“my name is James Cardner and I was Rebecca White’s lawyer, I asked you to come in because something bad has happened unfortunately, Rebecca got involved in a gang here in Shiffs New Town Prison. And it seems to us that the gang got involved in a lot of disruptive behaviour here and your mum got lead to her being poisoned with bleach, she is now in the prison’s hospital department.” Says Mr. Cardner. My jaw drops in surprise. Tears fill my eyes. Dad hugs me and whispers into my ear. “don’t worry shell be fine I promise sweetheart”