Young Writers Society

Hello, sharoze! I liked this piece a lot, and I felt like it was sort of a reflection of how people long for things in a selfish manner while going about a boring and repeating life. The way you described it was almost terrifying, and I think that's the impact you were looking for. If so, you have achieved it! My favorite line was "Each human wakes up and decides to go about their day, following a monotonous routine, carrying the sadness and scars beneath the mask of happiness, a hollow smile," because lately I've been thinking about the meaningless way life repeats itself with nothing new.
Here are a few things you could tweak, just some punctuation errors, nothing major:

'Life is all about the pursuit, not the destination not the road.'-You need to separate not the destination and not the road. You can use a coma or and, or you could turn the "not the road" into nor the road."

'meant to live as souls but instead we chose to become humans'-This is a portion of the last line. First off, I'll start with that it needs a period at the end of it. Another thing is that it seems to need a coma. I'm not sure if this is just me thinking too hard or if it actually does, but if it really does, then I think it should be "meant to live as souls, but..." However, I am known for being wrong.

I enjoyed this piece and I think you did a great job describing how people could achieve greatness, but don't. Good job! ~Prez. T

I am sure you are waiting for a review, aren't you? Well, I am here to review this one for you!
Are you ready? Well, I am so I am gonna review it now.
Here I go!

May I ask as to why you categorized this as "Others"? I mean, it could have been regarded as an essay or article or even a blog post! Categorizing it as others was really not a good idea at all. Please keep note of that the next time!

The title was way too vague too! I personally think phases attract the reader more than anything. It is like the first impression of your work. So I see you improving on this too!

The essay (As I see it!) was good. Andrew did a really good job explaining everything I wanted to so I would rather prefer keeping my mouth shut for now. Other than that, I notice that you are a bit hesitant to use the punctuation, why so?

But well, it was good. It has a meaning. And I liked it.
So keep writing and I hope you'll do great! Good luck.

Made the regard that the sentiment is immediately capturing. Though the run on sentence should be structured accordingly.

"Never has anyone ever been tough enough to live a lifetime alone in pure isolation. Humans tend to alienate each other;"
- It is to say that no human could endure such torture yet we commend ourselves to force it on others anyways. This is, I believe, the intention but it is lost in the sentence. Rather than making these two contrast, make them one. Ex. "Never has anyone ever been tough enough to live a lifetime alone in pure isolation, yet humans tend to alienate each other." Without a pivoting platform at which to base this new information about ourselves, it is hardly the worth of analyzing its truth.

Your metaphor is intimidating. Rightly so, but it is almost to eager to explain that we are the scum, and not those that welcome such a diffusement. I would think to give it a metaphysical appearance, such as rather 'hoping' to add to the scum there already is. Which would compliment the waterfall into the next paragraph.

Again, the sentiment is there but lost in the run on sentence about all that we are in search for. Now, for the second metaphor here. "Life is all about the pursuit, not the destination not the road. We swarm up the streets every day, in search of purpose, following illusions." the imagery here is great, and it has great context. Thankfully there was not a run on sentence here and it shined brilliantly.

To say that the birds are withholding is unfitting entirely. You would want to explain them as holding that which, though we may no longer here due to our present engagement, is something we ought to.

"I believe sleep purifies our souls." This needs to be it's own sentence. The gravity of its depth is lost if it isn't and the again, completely lost in the run on sentence following. And to be honest, I can get glimpses of what you intend, but they are bubbles of meaning in a stream of comprehensible ideas. Structure will be pertinent here. It is only for this line, "Slowly he puts on his shades to lock away his poor soul, behind the bars of a prison in his own mind." That I came to see the meaning of your language, but only just barely.

Now the last sentence here, (Which again, run on) is confusing. To whom is this malevolence directed, and if to himself, why would he need to break people? It is here the piece got confusing as to what this demon is supposed to be. For you given it many forms with no clear example of its mystery.

Ah, if only the rest of your waters had been as smooth as your last flowing sentence.

"Meant to live as souls but instead chose to be human." Powerful, and I am happy it was the conclusion to the whole. It gives this piece all the more potential for being a powerful work of speech to the eulogy that is our world. Please, take heed to this, as I wish to savor its real flavor soon.

In conclusion, I shall say it is rough. Not bad or good, but rough. Everything is there but it is jumbled and without focus. Give credit to the structure of your work and you will see it. Some of the best verses are the small ones that leave us breathless. Take a good look and see what you can improve. It is rough, which means it is not final. The roughest streams always lead to the most soothing brooks.

Till next time.