Rain girl
Its all Dark today
Not today,each day i would rather correct
Regrets are for being grown
Guilt is for bounded dreams
Those dreams of young girl
The rain girl ,perhaps i still remember
Were Bright with violet shades of sky
The soothening beauty of wind
The ever naughty restlessness of dreams
From dawn to dusk,neither was dark enough
Not to impress,but those were meant to express her
Whom?
The rain girl ,one with limitless dreams
With innocent smile ,the fresh joy
The wandering beauty
And those limitless dance with the breeze
And now,
With those regrets for being selfish
To the extend of mere dressing and pleasing
The body,to the busy schedules
The breakups, marksheets
And wounded grades
I love you
The lost love,’the raingirl’
I love you the ‘lost love’
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hello!
The emotion is conveyed so well in this poem. The sadness is almost piercing. Even though I've never been in a situation like this myself, I can still sympathize with the character.
The metaphors are very beautiful. They make the story and emotion told here come alive in my mind. I am almost transported right there with her, heart aching in turn. I can picture her vividly.
Do keep up the good work! I hope to read more of your art soon.
-M
hey! greetings of the day shahina.
this piece of yours really appeals to me . that night, crying holding tight onto the pillow, wanting those days to return and everything. hence its a very nice subject to write about as readers can relate to it.
it would be further better if you would have described your situation or the reason behind such a state yours. but the present on is good too. i would like to read more structured pieces and with rhyme it would work wonders.
overall, its a very nice one.
hope to read more of you.
~chitz~
Hello Shahina!!!
Its pretty good, i wouldn really say its a poem, but it could be better if you added some tweaks to it. Try to compare how you feel with something. Try to make he top lines kinda like you bottom ones.
There is feeling into it but i cant really tell what its about. Is it about being sad and lonely? That's the only thing i could guess about it. Try to fix you basic grammar and capitalizations errors. It does flow well so but you could fix that a little more as well.....
Either than that its a good start
I hope to read more of your work!
Keep it up!!!
Your friend Anma