z

Young Writers Society



bed

by shaegirl


Alec was a Carmel complexion, his silky hair just like Alex's

except it wasn't black. it was brownish, and the same length

as his. he spotted me from the corner he was standing in. he

grinned at me, and started to come my way. the music that

they played had suddenly came to a halt with some

smooth music playing.

"i know that its probably awkward for me to be asking you this but.....would like to dance?" Alec asked. i hesitated. "sure" i replied back.

he led me to were other people were dancing and took my hands in his. with my arms

going over his shoulders, and his hands at my waist. my chin sat at his shoulder as i looked at other

people dance around us. unexpectedly i suddenly ran my fingers threw the back of Alec's silky brown hair, imaging running them threw Alex's hair. then he took his head away as my fingers came out of his hair laying on neck. i looked over his shoulder, looking between the bodies of people dancing, i saw Alex. he stood leaning against a wall, starring at me. his mixtured eyes were now concentrated on mine, never looking at anyone else but mine. he pushed is black silky hair back, smoothly behind his ear. soon the music that was being played was over. everyone stopped dancing and some started socializing with each other.

"i think i better get something to drink". Alec said, stepping away from me. i looked at Alex, still standing by the wall, still starring at me and now he nodded hos head back, giving me the q to come his way. i walked towards him with him grabbing my wrist. i looked around the crowded room filled with people, and they seemed not to notice us. my wrist was still at his hand as we walked fast threw the kitchen. which then led us to a room at the end of the hallway. he rushed me into the room snatching my clothes off, with him doing the same thing. now he sucked my neck more more than he had ever done before, and my closed as i gasped for air, while we both lay ed there. i looked at him as he starred at me, as i ran my fingers ran threw his silky black hair.

"so why where u dancing with that guy?" Alex asked, as he put his hand over my waist as we still lay ed close together.

"he's just a friend. and besides he asked me did i want to dance, it was nothing more." i said, kissing him on his lips. he nodded his head a little to let me he understood. but still he looked at me with his mixtured eyes. ready to speak with his lips.

"Evi you are so beautiful to me. when i look at you and talk to you everyday, i realize that i becoming obsessed with over you. when you smile those dimples, god those dimples are all i see in my eyes when you smile. i just want to feel more of you and be with you". he said.

his voice was so meaningful ans so right in every way the words that came out of his mouth. i looked at his bottom lip, and i started to bite it. a feeling of adrenaline came over me, with me taking over his lips, there was a hissing sound every time our lips met. with me more and more biting his bottom lips harder and harder. then moving quickly on top of him, kissing and licking on his neck. with him grabbing my waist taking me from on top of him, laying me back down.


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228 Reviews


Points: 4495
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Sat May 02, 2009 5:10 am
Meep(: wrote a review...



Hi shaegirl,
I noticed this didn't get any comments.

Okay, first off, you're a new member, I see.
Welcome to YWS :D

Secondly, you need to read up on our rules, because its very important.
1) No chatspeak, and especially in stories, please capitalise (your 'i's, the start of your sentences and your title for example), spell fully, punctuate properly. Show us that you have made an effort in your work so that we will also make the effort to help you improve.

2) We have a 2:1 ratio policy, where for every piece of work you post, you must review 2 pieces of work done by others. That way its fair and people won't just post their works and not help others as well.

3) Please rate your works, dear. This should get an 'R' rating for explicit content.

Anyway, I shall not review this piece just yet. I’m willing to come back and help you out if you put more effort to edit this before posting.

However, somethings I can point out at a glance:
You need to work on a plot :)
I can't see where this is going and it lacks depth, so give it a more interesting edge.
You need to organise your story, because it was very messy.
And of course, spelling, grammar, punctuation, capitalisation. Go through your story again and edit it properly if you're serious about improving this piece.

Keep on writing and don't be discouraged :)

~Thanks, welcome to YWS once again and have a nice day! :D
Meep(:
[P.S: Feel free to PM me if you have any questions]





As a former (and rather excellent) liar herself, Aru knew that, sometimes, speaking the truth felt like wrenching a thorn out of your side. But doing the opposite meant pretending it wasn't there. And that made every single step ache. It was no way to live.
— Roshani Chokshi, Aru Shah and the Nectar of Immortality