Published September 9, 2008
I dream a dream where dreams have dreams
And dreamers never die--
Where suns and moons and nights and noons
All share the same deep sky;
Where fish can walk and fish can fly,
And cats can swim and soar as high.
I dream a dream of living dreams.
I pray that dream is nigh.
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140,586 Literary Works • 673,540 Reviews
I thought that this was a good poem. It kept its rythym and For the most part, its rhyming pattern.
I agree with Fellow on the fact that the title doesn't fit the poem. Did you cut out part of the poem that had something to do with a swimming eagle?
The only thing is, that your first stanza is two lines longer than the others, so that broke up your pattern a little bit.
I really enjoyed this poem.
Let me know when you post something new.
-Sea-
I really like this - it's very cute. I can't quite get my head around the first line, but it sounds so good that I don't mind. Maybe add a couple more lines, similar to the cats and fish, but a couple more examples. Apart from that, lovely, I wouldn't change a thing.
First. Very nice idea. Second - the review:
1.) The title doesn't match the actual poem.
2.)
Nothing to point out, but the second line doesn't rhyme and it doesn't really fit up there.
I`ll quite rewrite it like this:
I dream a dream where dreams have dreams
And were I - the dreamer - never has to lie
Where suns are moons
And nights are noons
And all the life share the same sky.
That was a good attempt.
Frankly from the second line I started liking it,I didn't really get the first line,it seemed like confusing the reader at first chance,but thats just my view.I wish if you could edit it or something.Rest of it is good.
Well done!
Keep posting!
~Shine~