The moon shines black upon the earth,
The forest filters starlight to death,
And the mountains filled with mirth,
Echo with the planet's breath.
Rustle of the leaves,
Wind through trees;
Vivid mind-pictures as the world breathes.
Whisper in the night,
Of what's passed and what might;
Pictures fill my head and I'm blinded by their light.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
It's a nice poem and I like your use of rhyme - something that I like to see in poems - but your rhythm is a bit off.
The final line here is a bit shorter than the rest and that sort of distorted the rhyme when I was reading it. When I first read this verse I didnt actual notice the rhyme (partly from me not paying attention, and partly because of the rhythm).
I like the image that your description conjures and how you personify the world as breathing. The lines contrast each other, however, in their length and this doesnt help the overall flow of the poem.
I enjoyed the poem and thought that ending on three consecutive rhymes (aaa) worked nicely.
A good piece, I look forward to more.