REVISED AND EDITED as of June 12th, 2011-Thank you to all reviewers who helped edit my earlier draft.
Brief Summary: This is chapter one of a story I’ve been working on for over two and a half years and have tentatively called Broken Wings. Ivy is an Undying faerie, a term given to a special subspecies of faeries born of angel tears. They do not age as other faeries do, although they can be killed. All faeries are typically the height of petite humans and can walk among people unnoticed, as long as they fold their wings against their backs. Some Undying faeries are born with special traits (transformation, telekinesis, etc.) and are not always smiled upon by the rest of the faerie populace. At the time period of this story, the faerie Empire has been under the control of a very anti-Undying Emperor. Ivy used to lead a rebellion against the genocidal Emperor until their group was betrayed and most of the members were killed. She was imprisoned and has just escaped in chapter one.
Broken Wings takes place in the present era, with faeries, vampires, werewolves, and elves living alongside humans in secrecy. The Emperor allies with the elvish King and together they want to take over the forest and purge the world of anyone they deem unfit of existence (mainly werewolves, vampires, Undyings, and anyone of their own populace who does not agree with them.) Ivy and her newfound friends are burdened with the task of restoring equality to the forest where she is from.
Thank you for reading!
Prologue
Some think that the new moon was an omen of the actions that took place that night. Others think it was common sense that if you were conducting a risky plan relying on secrecy, a night with no moon would have been worked into the agenda. Even if the stars had not been blocked by storm clouds, no light would have reached through to the forest floor. The dark was hot and heavy, nearly everyone either asleep or holed up somewhere safe should the much-awaited rain begin to fall.
There were few who would have been able to pick up the flash of blue crossing the courtyard, if they had been present to try. Two pairs of footsteps slid nearly silent across the stone until both light and sound disappeared abruptly with an unexpected breeze. A tree branch rustled, then was still. For a moment, it was quiet.
“My Lord-” the whisper was hushed, as if the speaker was unaccustomed to feeling panic. A hand twitched across the soft sheet, grasping the shoulder of a no longer sleeping figure.
“They are coming for me, are they not, Syobahn?”
It struck the first figure just how calm the other had spoken and just how long he must have been guessing such news would come. He did not answer, but his Lord’s voice and posture gave no reason to. The question was just wishful thinking, the Lord already knew. In an instant, he was on his feet with a bag in one hand and a small glowing orb in the other. The flickering light brought two pairs of icy blue eyes into his view.
“Atermis,” the younger boy grabbed the girl’s quaking hand and pulled her close. His voice vibrated with urgency. “Come with me; they want you, too.”
“Nonsense!” She quipped, pushing him away despite her fear. “I am staying where I belong. Heading them off with Master.”
“You will do no such thing!” Her elder, dressed similarly in robes of deep blue, grabbed her shoulders in earnest. “You must safeguard the knowledge you have already harnessed and keep it from these barbarians. I will go back and rescue what texts I may. They are nothing without our history.”
The man was clearly determined. Though he looked only a few winters older than his Lord and apprentice, his eyes glittered with the wisdom of many years, managing to silence any arguments that would waste more time. Even the fiery and stubborn Lord had his ears open for any shared pointers from such a faerie.
The elder cracked a rare smile and placed a hand on the other man’s shoulder. “I just thank Aura that you spent so much time running around in the woods. Find your friends and sanctuary. If we fall, you are our only heir and hope. Stay hidden. Stay safe. Atermis-serve him as you would our Emperor.” He took each of their hands and joined them together.
“Altha-” She whispered, voice cracking with unshed tears, but he shook his head and with his claws drew a blessed sigil above the pair.
By now more voices were breaking the silence. Syobahn pushed them towards the opening in the hollow tree with an urgent “Go!” waited for them to spread their wings and fling themselves into space, and then leaped to the ground. With one mission accomplished, another still depended on the all-too conspicuous blue winged man racing across the courtyard.
Already deep in the forest, the other two beings talked quickly while the one adressed as Lord pawed through the leaf litter until he found a cleverly concealed trap door.
“The Emperor and Empress are dead, Atermis.” He whispered. “The High Chancellor, alongside the Guards he has been appointing, is in full command.”
She shook her head with fierce determination. “This has never happened before. Not in faerie history. This is a… human activity. We do not stoop so low.”
“With power comes greed.” The other told her calmly, knocking a pattern on the wooden trapdoor. “And the ability for manipulation. Put together with tough times and you have a revolution.”
Atermis was unfazed. “But how could the Guard allow this? They have served your family since the beginning of our civilization, and this is what that loyalty amounts to?”
“They have either been corrupted or the loyal ones were traded out for faeries already in the Chancellor’s palm. Many of the senior Guards were retired or sent elsewhere, given a break. They would have died before betraying us. Besides, only a choice few probably know about what really happened tonight.” He lifted away the door and gestured the other faerie into the resulting hole. “The High Chancellor will blame their disappearance on werewolves and will tell the citizens that I balked when I heard and could not be convinced to stay. His Guards will vouch for his claim that before I bolted from my duties, I set him as my replacement. He will lay low for a while, let everyone get used to the tragic loss, then start his new regime as he wants it.”
“Chatty today.” Atermis muttered as he landed beside her, but her voice gave away the feelings she did not put to words. “Where are we?”
They stood in a dimly lit cavern, echoing with the murmur of an underground stream and the shouts of three other voices that cut off abruptly when another faerie slammed a door shut. She was shorter and younger than the others and eyed Atermis’ blue hair, clothes, and wings with a no-nonsense raise of the eyebrows as if slightly skeptical of her use and practicality.
“We have been expecting you.” She nodded to her Lord, then stepped forward to wrap him in a stiff, awkward hug. Her voice, normally slick with scathing comments, was muffled against his shoulder as she tried to express her sympathy for her sister’s best friend. “I am sorry about you parents.”
She held him tight as his chest heaved.
Chapter One – Ivy
Mushrooms dotted the rotting undergrowth, willow branches danced into my way, hindering movement, but I barely noticed. I had to keep running. My wings fluttered, faster than a heartbeat, to keep up with my legs, even though one was nearly limp and dragged against the earth. Like a strong wind at my back, desperation drove me onward. I had lost track of where I was ages ago, but I knew if I could just find humans, if I could lose myself among them, I might have a chance... Back when there had been other faeries, they had looked on in confusion, but quickly turned. Times were too hard to give assistance to another enemy of the Guard, even if their being an enemy made them your friend.
And that was when it hit me, almost like a physical blow. The odor overwhelmed my senses, setting off so many mental alarms that my legs stiffened and claws unsheathed from my toes, causing me to trip and vault into a tree. Werewolf scent, and by the smell of it, little over fifteen minutes old. I had to make a split second decision, certain danger with each choice, but then, when had that not been the case?
Veering down the wolf-creature’s path, I was hopeful in a crazy, insane way. Faeries and werewolves had been cutthroat enemies for centuries. One Guard was not going to follow a werewolf just to catch me. However, I thought grimly, more would follow soon.
I slowed, not wanting to catch up with the wolf, and took a closer look at my surroundings. I gulped, realizing I was very far from the Black Forest border and familiarity. But at least I was not still trapped in that other land. For me, it had no name, only known as the place that had kept me prisoner for much too long. I shook my head, as if the action could clear thoughts of green hills and cloud-like creatures with cloven hooves from my mind, and concentrated on my immediate surroundings.
I had never been in this part of the forest before. I noticed the slow change of environment when the heavy trees gave forth to saplings and small pines. Through them, I could see a wall of stone, and on the other side, a bustling human town. Sanctuary. I folded my wings down, wincing, and shouldered into my black human sweatshirt, then stepped over the stonewall. Children frolicked in the street, adults trundled by as if their lives were the single most important thing in this world. There were some humans, not quite adults and not quite children, chatting and moving here and there. It looked like a central gathering area. Not a soul noticed my appearance, which was good. I did not think that a stranger clutching an arm to the side of a bloodstained shirt would be welcomed.
It was then I realized the werewolf scent was much fresher here, and strong. The hair on the back of my neck rose, and I slowly turned around to see a tall and gangly girl, sitting on a bench set alongside the wall. She would have seemed normal to any human passerby, but to myself, a faerie with particularly acute senses, her difference was obvious.
“Hello, Moth.” She smirked, the picture of ease leaning back on the bench. “What are so dangerous these days that you had to follow me?” Fear and anger at the slur made my throat feel dry. Not only was calling a faerie a moth the lowest of insults, but I thought I had ditched my enemies back at the coast. My muscles screamed to either dive at or away from her, claws flailing, yet I held back. Even a werewolf in human form can make a formidable opponent, and though I had followed her, I had not actually planned on meeting her. But I knew I had to control myself. We were in a busy town; neither of us could break our laws by revealing ourselves in front of all these mortals.
I looked at her warily, taking in her wide eyes and copper colored hair, similar in vibrancy to my red. Through her open mouth, I could see unextraordinary teeth, except I knew that they held lethal venom to beings like me. Her lips were parted in a grimace, and a small button nose wrinkled at my foreign smell. The girl’s most noticeable feature was her height, towering above my own. Maybe she was not the worst bulb in the patch, but that did not change what she was. While I examined her, she checked a thick gold bracelet on her left hand; I had thought it a mere human trinket, but it seemed to tell her something. Without another word, the werewolf stood up, flicking her hair behind an ear, and in the blink of an eye, I shrunk. The pop alerted a few humans, but they quickly dismissed it.
Looking up, I glared. A wide grin was slowly making its way across her sun-warmed face. She did not look like she could contain it, and started laughing. One moment she was sitting sober-faced on a bench still damp from morning rain, but now she was was unable to due to her hysterics. I sat there, waiting for my enemy to get over this fit so I could get a move on and leave all the other enemies behind as well.
“Y-you,” she was obviously trying to say something through her maniacal laughter.
“Yes?” I asked coldly. She managed to straighten up, tears in her eyes, and choke out:
“You can transform, but in this sudde-, sudden state of ‘danger’, you transform,” she was giggling uncontrollably, “into a mushroom!” I glared at her as I waited, rather impatiently for her to regain control. I did not dare turn my back on her, the laughter was obviously a diversionary tactic, but I needed to find somewhere to hide, and fast. Guards would not be fooled by such faerie skills as transformation.
“So,” she tried to get her snickers under control. “How about while no one is looking, you turn back, and explain why something that funny doesn’t happen to me every day.”
I did not move.
She smiled, tucking her long legs underneath the bench and smoothing her skirt. “It’s okay, I promise I won’t eat you. Too stringy.” Her words held little comfort as she stretched out her long legs as if the wolf had been sitting a long time. Still, I could not help but to be moved by the utter innocence in her amber eyes. It was something she could not fake, and I could immediately tell she had never meant to attempt to kill me.
All my past experiences went against this reasoning, and it took a bit of internal arguing before I decided that I really did need to find a hiding space to recover. I had come this far and a foolish werewolf was not going to stop me. I stole a glance at the surrounding humans. The place was nothing like the unnatural big cities, but busy enough that nobody would notice a toadstool transforming back into a girl.
With a sharp crack that the oblivious humans brushed aside, I bent to grab my leather bag with my good arm. The other was nearly useless, and I held it tight against my chest.
“It is not an instant thing, trying to think of something inconspicuous.” I growled up at her, trying to brush away my nerves. Judging by her worried expression, she was not fooled. Unfortunately, she was not as dim as I had first taken her to be.
“I didn’t think you’d be able to transform. Not all faeries can, am I right, it’s a special skill? Do you entertain at parties or just when you’re in danger?”
“Look,” I snapped. “I have better things to do than play court jester.”
“Yeah,” she retorted. “Like what, run from the law?” My eyes flashed to meet hers.
“I was not running from the law.”
“Then why were you following me, which no sane faerie would do without a good reason?”
I kept glaring at her, my large blue eyes meeting her amber ones. She was too observant. This girl was just one of the reasons I would end up back there. In the dark and cold, but I pushed those thoughts to the back of my mind.
“None of your business.” The mutt was grating on my nerves, and humans or not, if she wanted to stay in one piece, I thought that she had better keep her opinions to herself. The faerie government was too busy with our own rebellions to concern itself with a faerie who revealed herself to humans.
Resist it, Ivy. As if I needed another excuse to be arrested.
I still had to check out the surrounding area. Where there was one werewolf, there would be more. Packs usually ranged from about five to ten, and if I was honest with myself, I knew I would lose a fight against multiple, far more aggressive wolves than this one. She was just a pup.
“Yeah right. Need a medic, do you?” She glanced at a contraption on her wrist again, sighing. “Late again. Felix will kill me.”
I did not know who this ‘Felix’ was, how she knew she was late from the shiny object on her arm, or why she had not raised any alarm about me yet. In short, I was not aware about a lot of things, hightening my desire to start fighting. Preferably her. Physically defending myself had been a way of life for so long, I was no longer comfortable anywhere but behind my fists. “Look,” the werewolf turned back to me, her eyes wide as she began to speak in a hurried tone. “I understand you have no reason to trust me, but I can tell you’re in danger, and frankly, you look half-starved. If you’re like anyone else we’ve come across, you’re running from your ruler.”
“Who is this ‘we’?” I hissed, leaning forward and unsheathing talons from my toes and fingers. Unlike my transformation ablities, which very few faeries were giften with, we all had claws and she knew it. “The rest of your pack?”
“My friends. Recently there’s been a lot of fighting in the woods, beings are being hurt and thrown out while the powers fight out who rules what. We have a refuge. There’s my pack, some elves-” She broke off mid-speech, straightening up, flaring her nostrils and opening her mouth to try and taste the wind. A moment later, her amber eyes widened in alarm. “You’re being followed.”
I did not hesitate, knowing I had two options. I could run until I collapsed from exhaustion, was recaptured and thrown back into a tiny cell so I would never see the light of day again, or I could bargain with a werewolf. It was the only moment I could ever recall that a deal with a mutt would be the better option.
“Show me.” I demanded, my very limbs shaking with exhaustion. I was not sure how much longer I could run, definitely not as far as the healthy Guards that were close on my tail. “Show me your little safe haven. Now.”
She raised an eyebrow, curious at my sudden agreement, but turned away from the woods and began to jog through the throng of humans. Even she, a werewolf that would scare the Guards out of their territory with only her presence, did not want to meddle with faeries. Being natural enemies as long as anybody could remember, this hands-off policy was usual applied to each other-if we were not trying to kill the other. The mortals, though unaware of this feud, parted for her because of her typical werewolf height, but I had to resort to shoving and a keen sense of smell to stay next to the wolf. No way would I let her out of my sight.
Even though I could tell she was trying to confuse anybody following us, leading me around various corners in the small town and milling around in the more heavily populated areas, it was not long until we had reached a desolate house at the edges. It was a traditional house for the area, but the paint was chipping and the one window that was not shuttered had no glass, just empty spaces where the panes had been. Foreboding brick walls had been built twice my height on either side, hiding anything but the front of the building. I did not know much about humans, but I knew that they all liked their houses to be nice, clean, and neat. This did not exactly meet the standards. The werewolf was either leading me into a trap or being straightforward, but either way, no humans lived there. Logically, she very well could be telling the truth, I thought. Rebel groups against the powers were not unheard of, I knew that from experience, but I had never heard of one with multiple species-let alone a werewolf offering help to a faerie-I would have to be very careful.
She, however, was oblivious to my thoughts and explained as she ushered me toward the front door.
“No Guard would dare follow you here, even if they managed to track it down.” I ducked away as the girl tried to grab my arm.
“What is this place?” I hissed through clenched teeth, still looking everywhere, just waiting for a faerie robed in purple to appear out of nowhere.
“I’ve never dealt with a whole faerie patrol,” she hinted. “We need to get inside if you don’t want them finding you.”
I crossed my arms and repeated the question.
Her mouth twisted in a grimace, but after only a second of waiting, she replied. “If I answer will you come in?” I gave a short nod, and she immediately began reeling off everything in a quick whisper.
“This is a safety haven for beings banished from their packs, Clans, families, Empires, etcetera. I don’t know the details, but recently there has been a lot of dispute over power, so the ones with power-leaders, heads, whatever you call them, have taken to punishing beings who don’t seem to enjoy following them.” Here she paused for a quick breath. “Some they punish more viciously than others. You were lucky, just being banished. We’ve heard strange things about the state of the faerie Empire... They’ll want to wonder why and the state of your government. What did you do?” She gazed inquisitively into my eyes. I nearly laughed. Banished was an understatement.
“I was caught and sent to prison.” The ‘they’ was probably the rest of her pack and the elves she was talking about earlier. I had no qualms with most elves, aside from their inability to give a straight answer. The girl shrugged, as if expecting my short reply, and then spoke, holding out her hand.
“I’m Lyss. And congrats on being jailed.”
Humans shook hands to greet one another, and sometimes to show appreciation. Even if this did turn out to be a carefully webbed trap, I did have her to thank for disguising my scent and maybe giving the Guard reason enough to suspect I was dead. I shook her hand.
“Ivy.”
Unfurling my wings, one bright and fluorescent, the other dull and dragging, I allowed Lyss to tug me indoors.
Tell me what you think! Thanks for reading. Note: if you'd like to see more, please tell me! I have plenty written, but please disregard the posts I have up from about two years ago called Broken Wings Part Two and Broken Wings Chapters 1-4. I've edited a lot since then, but my computer isn't letting me edit at the time of this post, so I'll have to change them at another time. Again, thank you!
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I'm going to make a new post for this...everything I have added recently will be on it, and it will be called Broken Wings-Part Two
First of all, why does it just cut off with "wa"? I was getting into it.
I must say, it's an interesting concept. I haven't read something with a bunch of supernaturals as the main characters in a while.
At first, I was a little confused as to where the characters were and who exactly the characters were. I do like your descriptions of places and how characters look.
Maybe you could provide a little more into the relations between the different...species (unless you plan to do that in a later chapter).
It's good so far. I'm looking forward to the next chapters.
When you post alot, it is harder for everyone to critique. If you break it down into sections readers are more likely to read and review and catch more mistakes. I know that sounds like a bad think but it helps.
When you post alot, it is harder for everyone to critique. If you break it down into sections readers are more likely to read and review and catch more mistakes. I know that sounds like a bad think but it helps.
I only read the first two chapters but it seems like an interesting story, I like Ivy and Lyss characters. They seem to click together, even though their races are enemies, which brings up a question. Why are the faeries and werewolves enemies? Why are the races becoming more aggressive.
Personally I prefer Lyss' personality to Ivy's. I mean the way Ivy tells her story, she just comes off as flaky, but I get that that is probably because of shock. I can already tell that Ivy's transformations are going to be a bit of a running gag.
In any case I'll come back in a while and review the next couple of chapters, see how that goes. Keep up the good work.
Thanks for everyone's tips. I have added a ton, and I hope now there is more action, and that it's a bit more informative and descriptive. I've tried to follow your advice, but please critique!
The first chapter is pretty descriptive, which i like. lol.
but maybe, more of an intro. I mean, you just start reading the story and WHAM! there's faeries, werewolves and whatnot, and you have no history. it's just a bit hard to follow, but i still like the story line. i just think the readers might need a little more history so we won't be confused.
also, this sentence doesn't make very much sense.
“Hello, moth. What are so dangerous these days you had to follow me?”
....if you read a little before it, and that sentence, i think it's just a little confusing. i think it all ties in with the whole history thing. maybe before the first chapter you could include something like "For centuries, the Faeries and werewolves have been enemies. cold blooded and cutthroat." you know, etcetera, etcetera.
anywho, i hope that helps. :]
Thanks for your comments! i am really glad that some people think I can write!
sorry about the character description, I put that in the beginning because when I first started, I had ideas about my characters, and I didn't want to forget them. I'll delete those!
Okay, wow. I must admit I was shocked - astonished - startled - surprised to find that you're a very good writer! The reason? Profiles at the beginning. I must admit, I've never read a novel in which the characters/species were described and introduced in the beginning. So when I saw all that at the beginning of your novel, I snorted and was expecting immature writing.

Boy was I wrong.
I loved this story! Usually people only post one chapter at a time, but yours were fascinating, so i was glad you posted two! And you're an excellent writer, very mature with no grammatical errors or awkwardness to speak of.
I would say the entire blurb at the beginning was just lazy and unnecessary. You should be able to slip that information into the story itself - it's one of the hard parts of being an author. Working in information without doing info-dumps. That's really my only critique, though. I loved your characters, and your style, and everything. Good job!
Yours ever,
MademoiselleKool
-deleted-
You really needed to rate this for language, first of all. Secondly, I'm jelous. Very interesting storyline. I'm not sure you needed the character discriptions at the beginning. It might have been better to weave discriptions into your story as characters appear. Although, I've read other stories that have that, so do what you will.
I'm not sure that you need the word, "forward." It might flow better.
Is "moth" a nickname that the wolf has for Ivy? If so, I think it should be capitalized. Later, you mention that Ivy didn't know this wolf, so why was she so angry? If I was running from someone, but didn't want to catch up to a werewolf, I would be more frightened than angry. If she was mad at Lyss for calling her "moth" you should mention that.
I think it should be manic. Also, I'm not sure the colon after out is gramatically correct, I'm not really sure though.
I was at first a little confused about the daggers. I took it literally at first. You also use the word "rather" in two sentences back to back.
Finally.
btw, I love your descriptions in this whole section.
The two of them hadn't gone anywhere yet. This part was a little lacking in description for me, but look who's talking.
Beautiful similie!!!!!!!!
This really didn't make sense for me. You already started chapter two, so maybe "*Ivy*" would make more sense. I don't know, you'd have to ask someone else.
Nice woven description!
comma between "Hello" and "everyone" You never say anything about Martin leaving. I mean, we sort of get the Idea, but how long does he stay?
.
I think it should be "Lyss looked happy about this."
This sentence didn't flow very well for me. The interupter seemed out of place somehow.
You need to separate your dialogue. I thought Martin was saying this at first.
Overall, brilliant story! You are so sweet to mention your sister's story! I scribbled on her guestbook for a little bit a few days ago! I wish I could come up with ideas like this! But, I can't.
-Sea-