The Darkest Passion

by sgppoetry
  • May 4, 2011
  • Poetry
  • Other

The hardest battle to win
are the ones , when you feel
heartless towards your family and friends.
The coldest nights are the ones ,
when you feel you lost the most brutal fight.

You feel the darkest pain,
as if you were bleeding with rusty tears.
You have most furious look on the most fearless face
as if you felt somewhere out of place.

Insanity becomes a vision in your cruel eyes
as if you felt emotionless,with no sorrow.
You feel bloody hatred with no regrets
as if you felt anger with the darkest passion.

Comments & reviews · 3
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AmeliaCogin
Review
AmeliaCogin wrote a review · Wed May 04, 2011 6:42 pm

Hi! First of all, loved this title. Very intruging. I liked the wording of your poem and the description therein. The flow was nice and paced. Gramatically though, there were quite a few mistakes. The others have pointed them out to you so there's not much point me reiterating them. All-in-all, this was a decent poem. Well-done. Keep writing! :)
~ Amelia

User avatar
LadyFreeWill
Review
LadyFreeWill wrote a review · Wed May 04, 2011 3:59 am

sgppoetry wrote:The hardest battle to win
are the ones , when you feel
heartless towards your family and freinds.The coldest nights are the ones ,
when you feel you lost the most brutal fight.

Should be 'friends'

You feel the most darkest pain,
as if you were bleeding with rusty tears.
You have most furiouse look on the most fearless face
as if you felt some where out of place.

Get rid of the 'e'

Insanity becomes a vision in your cruel eyes
as if you felt emotionless,with no sorrow.
You feel brutal hatred with no regrets
as if you felt anger with the darkest passion.


You already used this word in the first stanza, so how about a different adjective?

All in all, this was an alright poem -it just needs some touching up and then you'll be good to go!

User avatar
sleepthief
Review
sleepthief wrote a review · Wed May 04, 2011 3:02 am

Hi. :) I was drawn to this by the compelling title. I enjoyed reading this poem.

The hardest battle to win
are the ones , when you feel
heartless towards your family and freinds friends.
The coldest nights are the ones,
when you feel you lost the most brutal fight.


A few unnecessary commas and a typo, but a promising first stanza.

You feel the most darkest pain,
as if you were bleeding with rusty tears.
You have most furiouse furious look on the most fearless face
as if you felt some where somewhere out of place.


"Most" was redundant, and furious was misspelled. "somehwere" is one word.

Insanity becomes a vision in your cruel eyes
as if you felt emotionless,with no sorrow.
You feel brutal hatred with no regrets
as if you felt anger with the darkest passion.


I would suggest a different adjective than "brutal" since you already used it. And you closed the poem so well. :)

A good poem. A little choppy while reading, but there's definitely feeling. I hope this was a helpful review. PM me with any questions if you have them.



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