z

Young Writers Society



Bloody Tears

by sgppoetry


Image
The red tears that spill from my eyes,
are filled with boiling blood and painless lies,
as if I were bleeding with emotionless sorrow.
As if I a was fearless victim of nothing but bitter rage.

The coldest anger I ever felt was, made of dark passion and brutal harted,
as if i were walking on sharp broken glass,
as if the black storm clouds were filled with deep depression.
Even on the sunniest days,happiness is still miles away .

Are blue tears made the pacific ocean.
as if the water was filled with terrible pain,
And cursed agany and dreadful migrains,
and life will never stay the same,
as if God made a honest change.

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229 Reviews

Points: 10997
Reviews: 229

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Wed May 04, 2011 9:04 pm
TheTruthLiesWithin wrote a review...



sgppoetry wrote:The red tears that spill from my eyes,
are filled with boiling blood and painless lies,
as if I were bleeding with emotionless sorrow.
As if I #FF0000 ">a was fearless victim of nothing but bitter rage.

The coldest anger I#FF0000 ">'ve ever felt was#FF0000 ">, made of dark passion and brutal #FF0000 ">hatred,
as if #FF0000 ">I were walking on sharp broken glass,
as if the black storm clouds were filled with deep depression.
Even on the sunniest days,happiness is still miles away . Should it be 'was still miles away'? I don't know... it's bothering me

#FF0000 ">Our blue tears made the pacific ocean.
as if the water was filled with terrible pain,
And cursed #FF0000 ">agony and dreadful #FF0000 ">migraines,
and life will never stay the same,
as if God made a honest change.


Alright, this is quite good. I'm not sure I get the message of this poem, though, but I still love the wording and the way I see it, it makes a lot of sense. The only critique I got is maybe spell-check your work before posting. It'll make it easier for us to read :)
Keep up the good work!

-Truth-




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Points: 2647
Reviews: 313

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Wed May 04, 2011 7:16 pm
TylynRae wrote a review...



I had a few qualms with this. Firstly, the picture was a bit of a distraction, and took away the emphasis on the poem. Secondly, I'm not a fan of the different colors, its also a distraction. When it comes to the wording, the stanza about the ocean, you say Are instead of Our, I think. I'm not sure what you were going for on that.
Now that I have the qualms out, I'd like to praise you for this poem. I did enjoy it and I liked the overall message a lot. It had a dark feel to it. But as I said before, let your work speak for itself!





"You, who have all the passion for life that I have not? You, who can love and hate with a violence impossible to me? Why you are as elemental as fire and wind and wild things..."
— Gone With the Wind