FAREWELL, HELLO

Hello there!

This poem I found to be slightly confusing when I first read it (might not be your fault, since it is a bit late here right now), but I really enjoyed it the second time I read it.

I, in my opinion, you should make this poem a little longer though. Maybe describe the actions you are speaking of a little, but keep it in the pattern it is in now, if that makes any sense. It would probably help the reader understand what you are trying to say better.

Hello, darling! Here to review, of course.

First of all, I'd like to note that this actually really intrigued me. From the first line, I was curious to see what the rest of this poem would be like, because you start off on the journey of taking us through the basics of a year in your life.

However, past the initial piquing of interest, this kind of fell flat on my end. You have a lot of lists and emotions twined into the poem, but they aren't as cohesive as I feel they should be. For example, you start off on the fifth line with the metaphor of the storm, which is common and (I feel) a little bit overused, but it sounds nice in the flow of your poem. Then by the end, there's no trace of the storm in sight, and you're talking about your frozen heart and tomorrows. There's nothing tying together your images and metaphors, and in doing that, you leave your readers stranded.

By the end of your poem, the rhyme begins to feel stilted. It was more natural in the first four lines than I feel it was in the last eight -- I didn't even notice it until I read the second set of four lines, and then I went back and saw yes, there's a rhyme, and yes, it gets worse. This is the bane of the rhyming poet, where you have to make sure that you choose the words that fit, not just the words that fit your rhyme and rhythm. They should fit overall into the poem, and if they don't, then you really need to take a second look at the poem as a whole.

The ending also feels a little out there and honestly not cohesive emotionally with the rest of the poem. Going from the storm and the sunlight to the frozen heart and the Hope and dreams, and then you start on "tomorrow, everything will be fine" -- and not only am I left stranded by your metaphors, but I feel like I just had a mass of emotions shoved down my throat and was given nowhere to go.

It's not bad. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate this piece. I think it could be great, it just needs a little more work and refinement. Keep writing!

Hey! First thing's first, this was a really good piece!
I didn't see any nitpicks or what! ^^

The very title was promising, and I will say that I was not disappointed when I opened and read the entire piece. Your imagery and wording was very good, I got to picture a really hopeful scene with what you're implying here. There clearly was emotion and through the tone and the words, you got to execute that perfectly!

Good job! Keep creating!

Keep on Dreaming!

-Sybil (WaltzingDreams)

I like this its short, simple, unique and elegant all in a little package which is awesome. I like the speaker states in the beginning, "The year is nearly ending " then the speaker ends with "For tomorrow, everything will be fine" I liked this because it was sorta like saying even though the year is almost done tomorrow awake a brighter day, it peppy almost. I know I must be completely off but each person sees a different meaning if you re-read over and over you come up with something new another thing that's great.

Only cons I see are that you don't need to start every line with a Cap letter. you can capitalized after the periods like normal( its a suggestion).

That's it everything else was beautiful and makes me want to re-read this. Keep writing cause this is brilliant mate. Happy Holidays

~Fallen