z
  • Home

Young Writers Society


12+ Mature Content

Depression

by selyna.zz


Depression is hard.

Itmakes you see yourself in a way that simply is not true. It has the power to manipulate your brain into thinking you have no friends, and no one loves you, and that your life is not worth living.

I find it weird how your own brain can betray you like that. Deep down you know your life is okay, but it is not as good as someone else’s, so therefore it sucks. You compare yourself to others, normally your friends. The ones who have better grades, more money, better parents that let them have more freedom. They seem happier than you, and for some selfish reason, your brain cannot handle that. You need the satisfaction of knowing you are better than someone else with at least one thing. You feel like you do not have control over anything in your life; you are still a kid, so your parents make all the decisions for you.

When someone's depression is a lifelong battle, oftentimes they will overcompensate on the outside for the happiness they are unable to feel within.You pretend to be someone that you are not because that is what society deems as ‘normal’. For example, comedians make their audience laugh for a living, going out of their way to make jokes about themselves and others, when in reality, they are struggling on the inside.

The worst triggering thought is my future. I do not know exactly what I want to do when I am older, but whatever it is, I doubt it will happen. I am leaning towards something to do with criminology, like a police officer or a prosecutor. Something that is setting me back frompursuing that is that I cannot ever meet my own expectations in school. I think my grades suck, why would I ever be accepted to college or university with how I am doing? I know I could be doing so much better in school, but I do not have the energy to put more effort into assignments and studying. When I am at home, all I want to do is lay in bed and stare at my phone.

A lot of people think depression is just a glorified word for being sad, but it is so much more than that. Being sad is the emotion you feel when your parents tell you that you cannotget McDonalds on the way home. Depression is getting out of bed once a day to use the bathroom, not having the energy to shower, brush your hair,your teeth, eat, or even change clothes. Depression is not crying every night; it is having done that so many times to the point where your reaction isn’t to cry when something goes wrong. It is to isolate yourself from everyone and think about whatever is clouding your head, until the unbearable pressure on your chest goes numb.

Depression may feel like a constant wave of emotions, sadness, anxiety, anger. Just because you’re feeling things deeply doesn’t mean that you’re showing it. Oftentimes, a sign of depression is an inability to express your emotions, whether they’re happy or sad. The transition is almost euphoric.

How can you go from feeling like the walls around you are closing in - your head aching from going back and forth between life and death, your nails digging into the palms of your hands, drawing blood - to feeling absolute nothingness.All the pressure on your chest is gone, the fog in your head clears up and your hands release the fists they made by your side. Why does your body and mind now feel fine, but the dread still sitting at the bottom of your stomach never goes away? It’s a contradictory feeling that makes the experience much more irritating.

Depression does not need a trigger in the form of a traumatic event, such as a death of a family member or moving to another city. It can come from a chemical imbalance in your brain that leaves you with no easy-to-determine reason for your feelings. Because you do not have a reason; you cannot explain why you feel this way to other people.

“How are you?”

“Horrible.”

“Why? What's wrong?”

“I don’t know.”

“No reason?”

“No, I have a lot of reasons. I just don’t know which one it is today.”

You cannot put emotions into words, and when you try to explain it to someone, it does not sound as bad as it is. So instead, you decide to just say, “I’m fine”, or pretend that you are alright around friends and family, so they will not ask you about it.

After a while, pretending to be okay becomes the new normal and it is just muscle memory for you to put on a smile the moment you see your friends. Convincing yourself that you are fine goes beyond just your friends and family. You pretend all together that your sadness is gone. Unknowingly bottle up your emotions, making it worse. And then you finally explode. again.


Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
35 Reviews

Points: 319
Reviews: 35

Donate
Sat Mar 16, 2024 5:29 pm
dm74 wrote a review...



This piece talks about how tough it is to deal with depression. It messes with how you see yourself and makes you feel like nobody cares about you. It's weird how your own brain can trick you like that. You know things might be okay deep down, but when you see other people doing better than you, it makes you feel like garbage. You're always comparing yourself to others, especially your friends who seem to have it all together. It's like you're stuck in a rut, and you can't control anything in your life because you're still young and your parents make all the decisions.

Some people with depression try to act happier than they really are. They put on a show for everyone else, but deep down, they're struggling. Like how comedians make people laugh on stage but feel sad inside.

Thinking about the future is scary when you're dealing with depression. You don't know what you want to do with your life, and you doubt if you'll ever achieve your dreams. For example, if you want to be a cop or a lawyer, but your grades suck, it feels impossible to get into college. You know you could do better in school, but you just don't have the energy to try harder. All you want to do is lie in bed and stare at your phone.

Depression isn't just feeling sad. It's like being stuck in bed all day, not having the energy to even shower or eat. It's isolating yourself from everyone and feeling numb inside. You can't even explain why you feel this way to other people.

You try to hide how you're feeling, even from your friends and family. You put on a fake smile and pretend everything's okay so they won't worry about you. But deep down, you're hurting, and it's like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.

Overall, this piece captures the struggles of living with depression, from feeling hopeless about the future to hiding your true emotions from the people around you. It's a raw and honest portrayal of what it's like to battle with your own mind every day.




User avatar
20 Reviews

Points: 181
Reviews: 20

Donate
Mon Dec 20, 2021 12:58 pm
InJung15 wrote a review...



Hi! Welcome to YWS!

First of all, holy sh**. This writing is just 100000/10. It was so powerful and sadly enough I related very strongly to everything you mentioned so I do feel very sensitive when it comes to these topics. I am more so glad that people like you are spreading what it truly means to have depression and anxiety and any other mental illness.

I think the last paragraph really hit me deep. This is literally me on a daily basis lol.

But overall this writing is a piece of art and I believe you should keep writing these amazing pieces for other people who might need it at a time of struggle.

Thank you for sharing this lovely piece:)




Random avatar

Points: 10954
Reviews: 67

Donate
Sat Dec 18, 2021 7:18 pm
deleted32 wrote a review...



Cyer here with a review! As always, please keep in mind that this review is not intended to offend you or make your writing look bad!
Also heads up, much of this is just me adding my thoughts to what you've presented :P


I find it weird how your own brain can betray you like that. Deep down you know your life is okay, but it is not as good as someone else’s, so therefore it sucks. You compare yourself to others, normally your friends. The ones who have better grades, more money, better parents that let them have more freedom. They seem happier than you, and for some selfish reason, your brain cannot handle that. You need the satisfaction of knowing you are better than someone else with at least one thing. You feel like you do not have control over anything in your life; you are still a kid, so your parents make all the decisions for you.


There's never going to be a philosophical, or spiritual explanation for depression, but from a psychological perspective depression has it's bitter roots in the need to feel secure with someone. When you grow up with family members who invalidate that, you start to internalize their negative beliefs about you. However, that won't stop the brain from trying to find validation in the wrong sources (because all it knows is the wrong sources of validation).
It's not really a selfish desire. It's a need for someone else to do what our family couldn't. Our brains are designed to trust other people. That's why traumatic events or even just negative thought processes are more memorable then happy events. Our brain isn't naturally built to process broken security.
And that's probably why many children (rather young or teenaged) are more likely to be depressed [although yes, adults absolutely can be depressed]. Children and teenagers need someone to trust, the most, and when that trust is wrecked they have the hardest time understanding why that need that trust isn't met.

A lot of people think depression is just a glorified word for being sad, but it is so much more than that. Being sad is the emotion you feel when your parents tell you that you cannotget McDonalds on the way home. Depression is getting out of bed once a day to use the bathroom, not having the energy to shower, brush your hair,your teeth, eat, or even change clothes. Depression is not crying every night; it is having done that so many times to the point where your reaction isn’t to cry when something goes wrong. It is to isolate yourself from everyone and think about whatever is clouding your head, until the unbearable pressure on your chest goes numb.

Sadness is a brief disappointment that you'll get over. Depression is a state of mind, that cages and whittles away at you until all that's left is an empty shell.
I definitely agree with this statement:
Depression is not crying every night; it is having done that so many times to the point where your reaction isn’t to cry when something goes wrong. It is to isolate yourself from everyone and think about whatever is clouding your head, until the unbearable pressure on your chest goes numb.

Depression is definitely all about the thought processes clouding your head. Those little negative observations about the way others treat you, and most importantly the damaging thoughts your having about yourself.
You cannot put emotions into words, and when you try to explain it to someone, it does not sound as bad as it is. So instead, you decide to just say, “I’m fine”, or pretend that you are alright around friends and family, so they will not ask you about it.

This is accurate. Painfully accurate. Unfortunately that's the cursed society we're given.
All right that sums up my review! I'm not sure if anything was helpful, but I hope this review at least had some other value ❤️




User avatar
40 Reviews

Points: 2125
Reviews: 40

Donate
Sat Dec 18, 2021 10:45 am
TheRebel2007 wrote a review...



The Rebel here with a review!

First Impression: Firstly, welcome to YWS! Now, coming to the essay, depression is something almost every single person has faced in their lives, and as a majority of the YWS community are teenagers or young adults, one might often find a poem or an essay about it. And this seemed to me one of the best in a while and so I decided to review this essay.

Review per paragraph:

selyna.zz wrote:Depression is hard.

Itmakes you see yourself in a way that simply is not true. It has the power to manipulate your brain into thinking you have no friends, and no one loves you, and that your life is not worth living.


A really great introduction to the topic of depression - relatable to almost everyone. There should be a space between "It" and "makes", probably an editing mistake, not a serious one.

selyna.zz wrote:I find it weird how your own brain can betray you like that. Deep down you know your life is okay, but it is not as good as someone else’s, so therefore it sucks. You compare yourself to others, normally your friends. The ones who have better grades, more money, better parents that let them have more freedom. They seem happier than you, and for some selfish reason, your brain cannot handle that. You need the satisfaction of knowing you are better than someone else with at least one thing. You feel like you do not have control over anything in your life; you are still a kid, so your parents make all the decisions for you.


Just to add to that, even if you are not a minor and live independently, you might still feel that you don't have control - neither over your own self nor about everything that happens around you, you just feel helpless.

selyna.zz wrote:When someone's depression is a lifelong battle, oftentimes they will overcompensate on the outside for the happiness they are unable to feel within.You pretend to be someone that you are not because that is what society deems as ‘normal’. For example, comedians make their audience laugh for a living, going out of their way to make jokes about themselves and others, when in reality, they are struggling on the inside.


Adding to that, chronic depression or dysthymia is often the case for elderly people who live alone - the stereotype that depression is something that happens in only young people is completely wrong, it can happen to anyone regardless of age or gender.

selyna.zz wrote:A lot of people think depression is just a glorified word for being sad, but it is so much more than that. Being sad is the emotion you feel when your parents tell you that you cannotget McDonalds on the way home. Depression is getting out of bed once a day to use the bathroom, not having the energy to shower, brush your hair,your teeth, eat, or even change clothes. Depression is not crying every night; it is having done that so many times to the point where your reaction isn’t to cry when something goes wrong. It is to isolate yourself from everyone and think about whatever is clouding your head, until the unbearable pressure on your chest goes numb.

Depression may feel like a constant wave of emotions, sadness, anxiety, anger. Just because you’re feeling things deeply doesn’t mean that you’re showing it. Oftentimes, a sign of depression is an inability to express your emotions, whether they’re happy or sad. The transition is almost euphoric.


It is often that crying every night is the cause instead of a symptom, your body and your mind gets so used to getting sad or crying that it is exhausted and doesn't even feel like crying anymore as it has been normalized to the mind and the body.

selyna.zz wrote:How can you go from feeling like the walls around you are closing in - your head aching from going back and forth between life and death, your nails digging into the palms of your hands, drawing blood - to feeling absolute nothingness.All the pressure on your chest is gone, the fog in your head clears up and your hands release the fists they made by your side. Why does your body and mind now feel fine, but the dread still sitting at the bottom of your stomach never goes away? It’s a contradictory feeling that makes the experience much more irritating.


Depression is all a set of contradictions justified by the fact or illusion that something just doesn't feel right. We all know that, and yet, we tend to forget it when we are actually depressed, that's why we all need friends - people we can share things to.

selyna.zz wrote:Depression does not need a trigger in the form of a traumatic event, such as a death of a family member or moving to another city. It can come from a chemical imbalance in your brain that leaves you with no easy-to-determine reason for your feelings. Because you do not have a reason; you cannot explain why you feel this way to other people.

“How are you?”

“Horrible.”

“Why? What's wrong?”

“I don’t know.”

“No reason?”

“No, I have a lot of reasons. I just don’t know which one it is today.”


Again, the same thing as of the last paragraph, it is a set of contradictions, but we don't realize that.

selyna.zz wrote:You cannot put emotions into words, and when you try to explain it to someone, it does not sound as bad as it is. So instead, you decide to just say, “I’m fine”, or pretend that you are alright around friends and family, so they will not ask you about it.

After a while, pretending to be okay becomes the new normal and it is just muscle memory for you to put on a smile the moment you see your friends. Convincing yourself that you are fine goes beyond just your friends and family. You pretend all together that your sadness is gone. Unknowingly bottle up your emotions, making it worse. And then you finally explode. again.


These paragraphs extend the meaning of depression, it finally means "depression is a loop of contradictions that leads a person into a self-contained shell"

Excellent essay, overall, and again, welcome to YWS!





here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a treee called life; which grows higher than the soul can home or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
— e.e. cummings