Soul Music

Hello Scout, and welcome to YWS!

Firstly, I really, really liked your poem. Your diction is fantastic, and the structure really emphasizes a great rhythm throughout the piece. I have absolutely no criticisms, keep writing! This is an amazing piece, especially coming from such a young writer. I look forward to reading more of your work.

Happy New Year!!

- Erin

Hello,

I think the imagery was just so vibrant and colorful in this. it was very interesting to read.

I did not see anything wrong, but that might just be my eye:)

funny lines: none.....

vivid words: stagnant liberation radiant kaleidoscope


great job!!!

~Lylas

I like this very much. I like the words kaleidoscope of stars. This is my favorite part: The cello speaks to me.
Unique radiant warmth
Just for me,
Just for my cold fingers.

Hi Scout! Firstly, welcome to YWS! Secondly, I like your avatar!

Okay now on to the review. I really liked the beginning. You have some beautiful imagery and I get swept up in the piece. However, it loses me at "Have you ever...". I've been told before that rhetorical questions are rarely good for a poem and I'd say that applies here. It took me out of the piece and got me thinking about my own experiences too much. Also, the images presented, while well-written, make me picture a rave more than a cello performance. I liked the message you came to at the end.

An alternative might be to focus on the emotions the performer creates and how that transfers to the audience. For example, maybe they dance as the player dances with their fingers. Or maybe the music reminds them of something.

Overall, this has a lot of excellent imagery and is well-written. If the strange imagery toward the end is re-focused, I think it would be a stronger piece. Good job and keep writing!

Hi! scout007..

The flow of your piece is nice and i like it..

Keep going..

ll
U

This was increidible. I prefer violin to cello, but still, this is awesome.

First off, I like how the poem started out as distant in the first stanza and gradually became more personal.

However, one thing I would suggest you work on is that a lot of your phrases are fragemented, and some verbs/ words seem out of place. The mood I'm getting that you want to establish here is fluidity, as a cello itself plays rather fluid. Work on transitions and word choice to accomplish this.

Another point is that there's some interesting description here, but little visual imagery. At least, not very strong imagery. Try to space your adjectives and such more evenly with verbs that encaslulate the motion. Give the poem life, just as music has life, and let it fly away.... Life through motion, that is.

This was really good though. Some of the stanza's styles don't match... refine a bit and this will be even better.

Great Job!
-Elo

I'm not a big fan of poetry, but I really, really liked this piece. I love your word choice and everything. This was really great and you should keep on writing. ^.^
I would really love to read some more of your work.

Oh one thing:

[a]And[/a] I’m dancing,