Published March 8, 2012
"The second comer"
"No" he says without any other words.
"Why can’t I?" I ask back.
"My road is a dangerous one. I'm not putting you in danger." he says crossing his arms.
"I don't care. I'm sick of this life. All I've been is a little girl. When my parents died I had to take care of myself and Chris. I can take care of myself." I reply. He lets out a sigh and puts his hands on the back of his head.
"...No. But you can help me get ready to go. Alright?" he says with frustration.
"No. I'm going and that is final." I say crossing my arms.
"Sorry girl. You're not going anywhere with me. Go home, pack up and get out with the rest of the villagers." he says walking away.
“Where are you going?” I ask him. He doesn’t respond. I chase after him and get to his side. “I asked where are going?” I say to him.
“I’m going to the Guard Station. I need weapons." He says without stopping or even looking at me. I glare at him with frustration. I decide to do what he says, somewhat, and head back down the street and to my building. I get there and the lobby is packed with people, getting their stuff and getting out. I swerve through the crowed and make it to the stairs. They are just as crowed as the lobby.
I finally make it up to my apartment. Once inside, I go to the closet and grab all the clothes I can hold. I drop them on the bed and get a trash bag from the kitchen. I stuff the clothes in and then go back for another load. After I have all my clothes, something catches my eye, the picture that hangs over the bed. I walk over to it and lift it from the wall. My mother, her golden hair blowing in the wind on top of our apartment, my father holding me on his shoulders when I was only four, and my brother, just a baby, cradled in my mother’s arms.
I unlatch the back and slip the picture out. It’s the only thing I have of them all. I’m now all alone. No brother, no mother, no father, just me. I press the picture to my chest as my eyes start to tear up. After a second I pull myself together. I fold the picture down the middle and slip it into my pocket. I go back to the kitchen and open the small refrigerator but nothing is in it. I go to the cabinets and they are the same. I go back to the bed and sling the bag over my shoulder and head out back into the hall.
The hall is so packed I have to carry my bag in my arms. Everyone is either carrying something filled with items or trying to get back to their apartment so they can. After about fifteen minutes I make it to the lobby and back to the street. I then decide to pay Mrs. Magwells and visit, if my plan goes through, we'll need medicine.
I get to her shop and it is bare as a bone. I hear something in the back room and Mrs. Magwells comes out with a box in her hands. “Rebecca! What are you doing here?” she asks with astonishment.
“I was hoping you had some medicine you could spare. I’m going with Lion- I mean, the Stranger. He’s letting me travel with him.” I lie. After Mom and Dad died, she has always been like a mother to me and Chris. If she knew the truth, she'd make me go with her.
“Rebecca, that boy is going to free the World. Are you sure you want to travel with him?” she asks with a confused look.
“Yes. He said I couldn’t at first but he changed his mind, after I insisted.” I say with a smile.
“Alright, I have some antibiotics and some other things that should help.” She says putting the box down and going to the back. She disappears for a moment and then comes back with a bag of pill bottles, tubes of ointment, and other things. “Everything in here should prove useful. Most of it’s for burns, injuries, and other things like that. He should know how to use it I suppose.” She says handing it to me.
“Thank you. Even a little helps.” I say with a smile. She walks over and hugs me.
“I’m so sorry about Chris, Rebecca. I really am.” It was the first time I actually thought about Chris since we left his body to the river. I put my arms around her and start to cry. I didn’t even mean to, but it was almost automatic. After a minute I finally let go and wipe away the tears. “You be safe alright.” She says lifting my chin with her hand.
“Ok.” I answer her. She goes back and lifts her box and I hold the door open for her. She starts off for the river and I head for the Guard Station. Right when I get to the opening of the street, Lionheart appears with four, large, metal boxes stacked on his shoulders. I stared at him as he walked up with them. They must have weighed at least fifty pounds each. He bends down and lays them at my feet.
“What are you doing here?” he asks looking at me like he was somewhat annoyed.
"I figured I should thank you again. I needed a shoulder to cry on earlier. Even if you won't let me come with you, I owe you that." I somewhat lie. I do owe him for earlier. He owes me nothing and yet he completely helped me without question.
"No problem." he says with sincere eyes. I hand him the bag of medicine. He takes it and examines the contents. "Thanks. I'll need a lot of this stuff." he says with a half smile. I return the smile.
"So, are there any vehicles I can use?" he asks. I point over to the Death van. He picks the boxes back up and walks over to it, I follow. We go to the back of the van where he puts the boxes down and opens the doors and starts loading them in. He walks up to the driver’s side and opens the door. He climbs in and pulls a key out of his pocket. With a turn of the key, the van comes to a slow purr. He rows down the window and shuts the door. “Well, it’s been nice meeting you. Take care alright.” He says with sincerity. I nod in agreement, not really.
He puts his foot on the peddle and the van pulls forward. I stand and watch the van go before I start to follow it. I duck behind rubble, alleys, and anywhere that he can’t see me through the mirrors.
After some time of following, we reach the West side of the fence. I duck behind a piece of rubble when he brings the van to a stop. He gets out and goes to the back. He opens the doors and pulls a device from one of the boxes. The device is about three feet long with a handle on the top of the device. He presses a button on the top of the handle and it flips open to about six feet long, a blue beam pulsing down the length on the opposite side.
He walks up to the fence, the device in his right hand, and jumps to the top of the fence, bring the device down on the top. It cuts straight through the fence, leaving a burning red marks behind it.
When he walks a few feet down to cut it again, I run up to the back of the van. I duck down and slowly go to the passenger side door. I climb in and buckle the belt around me, sit my clothes down on the floor, and prepare to fight him. After he cuts down the fence again, it falls forward and pangs against the pavement. He folds the device back up and slides it into his belt. He turns to see me in the passenger seat and lets out a sigh. He walks back to the van and climbs in.
“What are you doing here, girl?” he says rubbing his eyes.
“I told you. I’m coming with you.” I say sternly.
“No, you’re not.” He says again.
“Yes, I am.” I say glaring at him. He runs his hands through his hair. He leans back in the seat and looks at me.
“Why are you so hell-bent on coming with me?” he asks looking unsure.
“The Dictatorship is the reason my brother is dead. I can’t fight back, not alone anyway. At least with you I have a shot to fight. If you won’t let me come with you, I’ll follow you on foot no matter what.” I say keeping my glare. He sighs again and scratches his head. He doesn’t say anything for a minute before he sits up and puts his hands on the wheel.
“This is your last chance. The lands between the Sectors are dangerous, and not just because of the Wolves and Hawks.” He says looking concerned. I don’t care about the danger. As long as the Dictatorship burns, I’m happy.
“I’m coming with you.” I say again. He nods his head in agreement, with a little annoyance mixed in, and puts his foot on the peddle. I lean back in the seat and watch as the remains of the old city pass me by.
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i guess i should've changed her name in this coppy huh? oh well
thanks. btw, ive changed her name to Kristen. Ik i said it was Rebecca but i changed because i have this other story with a woman named Rebecca and i don't want to reuse the name. btw, do put any of your stuff on Wattpad.com? thats where ive been putting mine up recently. u should check it out.
I like this revision much better! I thought the dialogue was more realistic in the beginning, where he is less lenient on letting Rebecca tag along. I also like the descriptions you added about how the town was filled with tons of people trying to get out of the city. And I'm glad you kept the part about her saying goodbye to the medicine lady, that was touching. I was smiling to myself when Rebecca kept following the van on foot and sat herself down right in the passenger seat
That seemed like a much more defiant way of making her point clear, rather than just saying 'I'm a big girl and don't have any family left, so you have to take me with you!' or something along those lines. I liked Rebecca's stubbornness 

So you've improved a lot with this chapter! Good luck on the next parts! Keep adding in description and editing your previous chapters to perfection. Maybe dig out a thesaurus to help you with adding some interesting vocabulary.
If I were to add one thing to this chapter, I think I would just amp up the description, especially of the town. I don't feel like I really know what the buildings look like or what the townspeople are like. So if you could slip in a few things here and there, I think that would improve the story.
Hope I helped! Let me know if you have questions
black
Thanks. you did. btw i changed her name to Kristen. long story. but ive been putting my new stuff on Wattpad.com. if you want to read them just look for me there. I'm Jamie Sutherland.