Published July 7, 2010
I did because they did
They did becauce she did
We did because she saw
He did nothing at all.
She fought for what she did
She fought for what she saw.
He fought for nothing at all, for he did not did, nor did he saw.
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142,194 Literary Works • 676,872 Reviews
Hi there Sci!
I had to read this twice as at first it was a little confusing to read - but I think that in a way it works. The only thing I will say is that the first stanza sort of sets the pace and then the second stanza really does not fit - especially the last line, which means it does not flow at all. I think that to make this work you need to look at both parts together and see if they really do work together.
Hope this helps, keep up th good work
Jesse
Hahaha, I know nothing of poetry, and I have no idea what any of that meant, but I actually really liked this. It made me laugh, but like, in a good way. It's kind of Dr. Seuss- esque! (Dr. Seuss is about the extent of my poetry, so maybe that's why I liked this.) Anyway, I can tell you're going for a deeper tone than Seuss, so don't worry; that was there too, and it was good, but my brain just works in weird ways. But then also it might be good for you to know that, especially the ending, was pretty Seuss-esque in my book, and that none of it really makes all that much sense. But yeah, still, good work.