Midas Gold

by scarlettvee

Published April 5, 2018

16+ Violence

In Short Stories

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

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Everything is going perfectly, more perfectly than I could have hoped for. With my cane perched on my shoulder, I enter the warehouse where I've been staying in for the past few months, flipping on one of the many bright lights. The place isn't big, nor warm, and it didn't have much inside it either, but it provided me what I needed so it worked.

I wiggle my fingers in their tight gloves, scanning the warehouse around me and the gold covering most of it. The warehouse wasn't originally built with so much, or any, gold in it. It was utterly bland. Until I moved in. At a young age, I was gifted with the ability to turn anything I touched with my hands to gold. It had been the miracle I was waiting for, and after discovering my newfound power, I didn't hesitate to get rid of anyone I didn't care for. Changing my name to Midas Gold, I left my home town to search for something that I could have a little bit of fun with.

My gaze was drawn from the walls of the warehouse to a small, rusty cask sitting near the entrance. Approaching the cask, one of the few things I hadn't yet turned to gold, I slip my glove off and place my hand on the smooth metal. From my fingers, gold sprouted, spreading outwards―like ice―over the surface until I finally remove my hand from the point of impact. My shoulders rise and fall, and my heart beats a little faster inside my chest, but I reach out, focusing on the golden cylinder. Immediately, the cask contracts several dents, crumpling until it's no more than a small, golden ball lying on the warehouse floor.

With a satisfied smirk, I pull my glove back on and swing around, turning my attention from the former cask.

A voice suddenly calls from the darkness, "Midas." I stop, a hint of a smile forming on my lips. Right on time.

I turn to see a young male, about my age, emerge from the shadows of the warehouse. He's holding a gun at shoulder height, and is so tense that I could probably just shove him over if I could get close enough.

I drop my cane from my shoulder and place it in front of me, neatly folding both hands on the golden head.

"What do you want?" I ask, my deep, gravelly voice booming throughout the place. I already know what this kid wants, but that isn't going to stop me from playing with him for a little bit. I probably hate him the most out of everyone trying to stop me, and I want to make this last as long as I can.

"You've killed dozens of people," he replies, stepping even closer to me so we weren't more than an arms length apart from each other. "I want you dead."

Shifting my weight heavily to my left side, I lie my cane on the ground next to me and slowly shake my head, clicking my tongue against the roof of my mouth. "Oh, no no no. That just simply won't do, Mikey," I say. "You see, I still have a lot I need to accomplish here before I go."

Looking down at my hands, I carefully begin tugging again at the glove on my right hand to loosen it. I invented the gloves myself a couple years ago, so I wouldn't turn things to gold when wearing them. It had gotten annoying trying to use objects when I always made them golden. The downside was that I also couldn't manipulate gold with them on.

"Yeah, well try telling that to the countless number of people you killed before their time was up," the boy, Mikey, says. I glance up at him through the corner of my eyes and my curtain of blonde hair as I slowly remove the glove from my hand. He's trembling by now, and even though he tries to conceal it, his rattling gun gives him away.

"I would love to, but you're going to be with them sooner than I am, so how about you just deliver the message for me." Confusion spreads across Mikey's face, but he has no time to question me before I reach out for him.

With the glove now off my right hand, I grab the barrel of his gun and it turns to pure gold beneath my fingers. He fires, but I easily bend the now-golden-barrel of the gun upwards—just by thinking about it—to stop the bullet, then rip the entire gun out of his hand. Disarmed, I see the terror in Mikey's eyes, and I can't resist giving him a wolf-like grin. "Not so brave now, are we?" I ask.

"P-please," he stutters, raising his hands like the blubbering coward he is.

I draw a knife from my belt with my gloved hand and roll my eyes. "So now you want me to have mercy on you? Where was your mercy two minutes ago?" I ask, though I say it teasingly. Even now, I can't be angry at Mikey. Not when I'm having so much fun with him.

"But- I haven't- I haven't done anything-" he says quickly, backing up into the shadows once again. I grab him around the neck and lift him from the floor, knowing that my bare hand can't turn his skin to gold. Unfortunately. I can't turn humans or animals to gold. It's one of the downsides of my ability.

"No, but you'll die for it anyway," I say, still taunting him. Mikey struggles but doesn't answer as he chokes on the little breath that I'm giving him.

I glance down at his arm, and suddenly, a thought comes to mind. "Say, you have metal implants in your limbs, don't you?" I ask, knowing the answer already. I know he does―Mikey had been in a bad accident not too long ago and now has metal implants in both his legs, arms and down his spine. It's more than perfect.

I lift the knife I'm still holding in my gloved hand and stab it into his upper arm. Mikey lets out a loud howl of pain, and I drop him to the ground so he doesn't suffocate and die before I want him to. Bending down next to him, I carefully cut through several layers of his skin while he squirms in pain. I reach his white bone and dig through his blood and fat until I find what I'm looking for: the metal bar.

"Don't do this," Mikey sobbed. "Please. I can give you something. Anything!"

I look up at him, my grin only growing larger. "Hasn't anyone told you to never make deals with a psychopath?" I reach out and grab the bar with my bare hand. The part of the metal bar that I touch directly turns to gold immediately, but the rest of the bars will take time. I wait for the rest of the metal to follow suit, holding the knife to Mikey's horrified face to make sure he doesn't try anything. As soon as each and every bar in Mikey's body turns to gold―I can tell when they are because each limb stiffens, now under my command―I stand up, put my knife back into my belt, and hold a hand out to Mikey.

He goes rigid, even more so than he already was, and I slowly lift him off the ground. The only parts of Mikey that I can't control now are his head, fingers, and toes. I can make him dance like a puppet if I want, not that I do. I have a much more fun idea in mind.

"Say good-bye, Mikey," I say with a dark laugh, then shove him back against the wall of the warehouse. Using my teeth, I tear the glove off my other hand, then lift it and take control of Mikey's left arm. 

Keeping Mikey's body in the same spot against the wall, I slowly, very slowly, drag his arm away from the rest of his body. There's a series of snaps, crackles and pops―and a good amount of blood―mixed in with Mikey's ear-piercing cries before his arm finally becomes fully separated from his body. I drop his limb on the ground, then do the same thing with Mikey's other arm, only even slower. I would be lying if I said I don't enjoy this.

Tears were streaming down Mikey's face, mixed in with the blood that's now covering him. "You know, I think I like you better armless," I comment. Mikey still doesn't answer. I don't really expect him to either. He's too busy bawling over the amount of pain he's in.

Next, I take hold of Mikey's bottom half, everything below his waist, including his two legs, and drag it down toward the earth. Blood starts spilling out of his waist and down his legs like a waterfall. His legs separate from his torso, and Mikey's cries go quiet. He's lost so much blood by now that I'm sure he's already half dead, but there's still one more thing I want to do.

I turn Mikey upside down, partially to stop so much blood from flowing out of his torso and partially because it will be more entertaining this way, and reach out for him. Nothing happens, and I remember that Mikey doesn't have any gold bars in his head. I reach out again though, and find a golden molar in the back of his mouth. It's small, but it'll do. Still being sure to keep Mikey's body stationary, I pull at his head, watching the skin at his neck separate as I draw his head away. I all but know that Mikey is dead now, but I don't drop him, not yet, just in case there's a little bit of life left in him that can feel this.

The blood pours out and all around his head, and I keep pulling until there's a small snap that signifies that Mikey's trachea and esophagus have torn. I lift Mikey's head, his eyes rolled to the back of his head due to how quickly he was killed, and laugh manically again. I can't help it. It's hard not to laugh when this is so enjoyable.

I let go of both Mikey's torso and his head, allowing them to drop amongst his other body parts and the sea of blood that I had created. Sliding my gloves back onto my hands, I pick up my cane then readjust the top hat on my head. Without so much as a second glance at what used to be Mikey, I turn my back on him, whistling softly as I walk away.

Comments & reviews · 5
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LadyOkra
Review
LadyOkra wrote a review Review · Apr 13, 2018

I like it. I wasn't expecting so much of gore. It left me twitching and wincing uncomfortably. Your description is rather on point and easy to imagine.

I like the concept, but I'm a little dissatisfied in terms of what you didn't provide us with - for instance, why was Midas doing what he was doing, and what was he trying to accomplish in the future? Of course, it is up to the author to provide us with this information, but I think rather than just accepting that Midas is a psychopath, it will be a lot easier for the reader to imagine him as a psycopath by knowing exactly what drives him. This is just a small suggestion.

Otherwise, great writing! Cheers. :)

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scarlettvee
Comment
scarlettvee commented Comment · Apr 6, 2018

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TheErudite Review
TheErudite wrote a review Review · Apr 5, 2018

Salve scarlett! You may call me Erudite, and I'm here to review your work. It's been a while since I've reviewed, so I'm still shaking off the rust

Anyway, on to the piece in question.

where I've been staying the past couple of months


Although it makes sense, I'd recommend adding the preposition "for" in before the clause of time. You could also change the sentence structure a bit there, the following being an example:

I enter the warehouse where I've been staying in for the past few months


As you can see, it carries the same meaning as yours, but has a few subtle changes.

and flip on one of the many bright lights.


Instead of making this a separate main clause conjoined to the former with an "and", rather make it a subordinate participle clause

flipping on one of the many bright light


This way, the sentence reads more continuous, rather than feeling like separate actions done mechanically (he's been residing here for months, so the switching on of the lights will be natural and subconscious rather than mechanical and conscious, something main clauses tend to imply)

The place isn't big, nor is it warm, and it didn't have much inside it either, but it provided me what I needed so it worked.


Hmm... this reads very stagnated to me. Maybe attempt to lessen the amount of verbs? Par example:

Neither big, nor is it warm, nor with much inside, this place worked because it served my needs (perfectly/nicely)


As with all my examples, these are just my suggestions and not the be-all and end-all of how it should be ;-)

and the gold that covered


Remove "that" and change the verb to a participle (covering). "That" is a very risky word, seeing as it can be used in so many ways, but, should be avoided in writing where possible (when we speak it will occur naturally)

with so much gold in it. Or any for that matter. Instead, I added the gold flare when I moved in.


Condense the first to parts, and make the "Instead" sentence cause clause instead of a contradiction clause

with so much, if any, gold in it. or any for that matter. Until I moved in.


This both shortens this part (lessening the amount of stops and repetition of "gold"), and gives the air of pride to the speaker (Everything was bland until he came along)

My gaze slides


I would recommend changing the verb to something like "My gaze was drawn from...". Slides, although it can work with gaze, just doesn't feel right in this context.

of the ware house


Ware house must be compound (to make its appearance throughout the tale uniform)

and I continue to crumple it until it's merely a small


No need for a main clause here. I'd recommend subordinate clause usage again:

and I continue to crumpling until no more than a small, golden ball/orb lie on the warehouse floor


+With a satisfied smirk, I pull my glove back on my hand and swing around, turning my attention from the barrel// Then a voice suddenly calls out from the darkness, "Midas." I stop, and a hint of a smile appears on my lips. Right on time.


The plus (+) means the following sentence should be part of the previous paragraph, and the double-dash (//) indicates where a paragraph break should occur.

my glove back on my hand


The underlined part is redundant. The reader will assume he's pulling the glove back on the hand he just pulled it off of.

from the barrel


Either the underlined word should become cask, or the previous mentions of cask must become barrel (uniformity in nouns is always nice for a reader). Also, since it's now a ball, I'd recommend saying "former-barrel/cask"

Then a voice suddenly calls out from the darkness,


A few subtle changes might improve the reading of this clause:

Then A voice suddenly calls out from the darkness


You know what I'm going to say about the following part:

and a hint of a smile appears on my lips.


and a hint of a smile forming on my lips



top, golden end


Can simply say "on the golden head" ;-)

+I drop my cane from my shoulder and place it in front of me, neatly folding both hands over the top, golden end.// "What do you want?" I ask, my deep, gravelly voice booming throughout the place.


Just a note here- remember that whenever you changing PoV, idea, start describing something new, or start with speech, it should go to a new paragraph (speech, no matter how little, never occurs in the middle of a paragraph)

he says shortly,


He's answering a question, so maybe something like "he replies" works better?

I set my cane on the ground next to me


The cane is already on the ground, so you move/relocate/shift the cane to the left.

roof of my mouth.// "Oh, no no no.


Paragraph break

The downside is that


Error of tense. Should be "was"

He's shaking by now,... he tries to cover it up


I'd suggest that you rather use a verb like "trembling" or "quivering". Shaking seems too void of the emotion of fear that Mikey is experiencing at the moment. Also, I'd use "conceal it" rather than "cover it up"

but he has no time to question me before I reach out for him.


How close are they to one another? Because if Mikey is stepping out of the shadows, it would indicate he was standing quite a distance from the bright light Midas switched on when he entered, meaning he would be out of reach. Also, no indication is made of Midas or Mikey moving closer to one another.

gun and the thing it turns


then rip the entire thing gun


Both these cases you use thing. I'd advise you to refrain from using "thing" when the item in question is known already. Rather use a pronoun (it) or the noun itself (i.e. gun) when writing about it.

Now disarmed, I see the true fear flash through Mikey's eyes, and I can't help but give him a large, wolf-like grin


This part feels stagnated when reading it. Maybe a few subtle changes like follows could help:

Now Disarmed, I see the terror in Mikey's eyes, and I can't resist giving him a large wolf-like grin


holding his hands up in the air like the blubbering coward that he is.


A few word cuts might improve the build up towards the climax you're working to:

[b]Raising his hands like the blubbering coward that he is



draw a knife out of my belt


Replace the underlined part with "from", unless of course Midas keeps his knife in his belt instead of on it :D

having so much with him


Omitted word. Needs to be "so much fun"

living things, humans or animals,


Unless he can turn plants into gold, the part between commas is redundant.

metal bars


I assume you mean metal implants. Metal bars are used in construction/at the gym. Metal implants are used to mend people's limbs.

I ask him the question, but don't need an answer.


Redundancy. When you ask, you ask a question (or opinion), so that is not required. To include the second part, rather phrase it like this:

I ask, knowing the answer already


Mikey had gotten in a bad accident


Mikey had "been" in a bad accident, or even just "Mikey had a bad accident"

doesn't die * before I want him to from suffocation


The underlined text should move to the asterisk.

Just a note I'd like to ask here- wouldn't Mikey's clothing also be turned into gold? When Midas reaches out to touch him, control him etc? Or is it a conscious ability? If so, then why does he need the gloves?

cries of pain


"of pain" is redundant. I think even the dullest of reader would assume he's in pain as his arm is being ripped from his body. Except if they're a psychopath, that is.

his eyes still open due to how quickly he was killed


Because of the amount of torture he experienced before dying, his eyes will have rolled back in his head (exposing the whites), so they wouldn't be "open" anymore

softly whistling to myself


Underlined part is not necessary (other than for Mikey, the reader had no indication of anyone else present, meaning Midas could only be whistling to himself)

All-in-all, I found this to be a quick, gruesome, yet still satisfying read. In a short story, the author has to rely a lot more on what is being said or the environment, the latter of which could have been fleshed out a bit more.
I'm intrigued as to how Mikey discovered Midas' secret, where Midas is going, or whether he will ever be stopped. I like that this story has made me want to know more

Thus, taking all the remarks I made above into account, as well as my general impression of this story, I'd give it a 7 out of 10 on my Erudite scale. This work shows potential, and with some quality tlc for the finer details, it could become a very intense and enjoyable read. Well-done.

Yours in ink and quill,
The Erudite

Image

Oh my gosh, thanks so much for you're review! This was super helpful!

Also, forgot to add this in there, Midas's powers aren't conscious, he turns everything not living into gold as long as he touches it with his hands. The reason he doesn't turn Mikey's clothing to gold is because he never actually touches Mikey's clothing with his hands as there's no reason for him to. And when he cuts into Mickey's arm, he cuts the clothing too, so he wouldn't be touching Mickey's clothing with his hand there either.

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AsterChai Review
AsterChai wrote a review Review · Apr 5, 2018

Absolutely well done! I really enjoyed this story for multiple reasons.

The premise is extremely unique, incorporating the tale of King Midas into this horror story! Having a killer have those kind of powers is something I've never heard of before! And adding your own spin on it is great, having him be able to control gold as well is again, very unique and adds to the originality of this story!

Having the writing be very descriptive and having it be first person is perfect for this story, detailing his psychopathic thoughts and what he does makes the story even more creepy. I could feel the insanity inside my bones, it was very chilling.

I like how you kept us thinking about Midas, he's a psychopath but we aren't told why, so the whole time I read this I was switching from chills running down my spine to thinking again, why is this guy like this? Did something happen to him? Did he have bad parents? Was he bullied? Poor? And of course, how and why did he get his powers? All these questions flooding through my mind while reading this added to the atmosphere of this story and improved my reading experience!

The only things I'd say need worked on are a few grammatical errors, I noticed two errors but there might be more.

The first was when you wrote:

"Not when I'm having so much with him."

I imagine you meant to say:

"Not when I'm having so much fun with him."

And second was when you wrote:

"he doesn't die before I want him to from suffocation."

It sounds really weird and I think it'd be better if you revised this sentence to something more like:

"so he doesn't suffocate and die before I want him to"

Or something similar to that.

So all in all, a great story, very interesting and well made and sent chills down my spine, but those grammatical errors did break my immersion a little.

Thank you so much for your review!

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Lightsong
Comment
Lightsong commented Comment · Apr 5, 2018

Horror. It's better put under horror genre. >.>

Alright, I wasn't sure but I'll change it XD



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