Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: So this one...it was pretty confusing to me actually. I didn't really get what was going on and it seemed like some nice description and subtle hints just mixed in with a bit of a confusing ending and unclear bits and pieces especially with those names that appeared out of nowhere.
Anyway let's get right to it,
I wanted to scream, mainly because he was hurting me. All the lies I forced myself believe suddenly become so real. They pushed into my chest, I could feel my very own ribs collapsing. And he just smiled.
Oooooh this is certainly a very interesting place to start things off. It certainly grabs the reader's attention immediately. That's nice to see.
So I smiled back. It wasn’t forced, I was happy he had for once noticed the tears in my eyes.
And that’s how it always was.
Tears welling in my eyes until he smiled.
He smiled every time.
That is such a brutal little detail that you've added in there. It's so simple yet it does a wonderful job to showcase just how the relationship between these two must be.
It was right now, with him sitting smugly on his bike leaning his freckled arms on the handlebars, that I wanted to know exactly what love was.
His hair was blonde, with copper streaks riddled through it. He flicked it over his forehead, exactly how I loved it.
That's a great description that you've got there for this character.
He loved animals. His hands had held water pythons and turtles, ladybugs and dragonflies had crawled on his hands.
But the only thing that he need to hold was me.
I think that should be needed there. And that is a pretty interesting character trait to add in there.
I don’t want to be alone.
And I smiled.
I’ll never let you go.
I shook my head. Snap out of it Shay. He smiled once again.
Bye.
Goodbye Darcy.
Well that was a slightly confusing ending there. I'm not really sure what is happening at the moment. It might be because of the sudden use of names but somehow I can't really place what that part is supposed to be. However you do a pretty good job with showing something that from what I can decipher was maybe some kind of rejection or a lover that has to leave for some reason. I am not too sure but that's what I got anyway.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall I think I got sort of what it means on like the third read through but it still isn't too clear. Nonetheless the language was still pretty good so there's that. And that's about all I have to say. A bit of a short review for this pretty short piece.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 253913
Reviews: 4100
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