Blinded Love

I don't have much new stuff to add, after the four awesome reviews you've already gotten, but I'll just touch on the grammar issue. You do not, I repeat, DO NOT need a comma after every line, contrary to popular belief.

Let's just say that again to make sure you know:
You DO NOT need a comma after every line.

That being said, some punctuation might help this poem out. There's a time and a place for a stylistic lack of punctuation, but I don't think this sonnet gains anything by that. If you're not sure where to place punctuation, rewrite every stanza as a paragraph. For example:

"I hoped that you could see my every clue
Your soul is pure and white as is a dove
Your words are sweet and mind is very blue
I hoped you would see true and endless love"

becomes "I hoped that you could see my every clue Your soul is pure and white as is a dove Your words are sweet and mind is very blue I hoped you would see true and endless love."

Now you can see where you need punctuation. For example, we could punctuate this stanza like so:

"I hoped that you could see my every clue. Your soul is pure and white, as is a dove; your words are sweet and mind is very blue. I hoped you would see true and endless love."

Then we put the stanza back into stanza form with the new punctuation in place, like this:

"I hoped that you could see my every clue.
Your soul is pure and white, as is a dove;
your words are sweet and mind is very blue.
I hoped you would see true and endless love."

(That semicolon could be a period instead, and the comma in the second line is optional. This is just an example.)

Other than that, awesome job keeping form. I rarely bother with anything but free-form poetry because I find forms restrictive, but you obviously have no problems with that!

~Blue

Saria! Oooh! A sonnet! A very lovely sonnet! I rarely find traditionally metered poems like this in YWS anymore! When I've read the description, I was sure to myself that I'd like to take a peak and give a short review. Well, here I go!

So first let's tackle the starter stanza. A good poem always starts with good starter stanza because that's where the readers decide if they'll continue reading or not. Well, in this sonnet, the very first line was quite straight-up said. I was like, hey this might be a very interesting piece; to start something without the colorfulness and prettiness and all that poetic jazz. Then came the second stanza. And the third. Oh, and there's the fourth. All three of which are very much, I believe, unnecessary. Why? Because they neither complement nor continue the sense of the first line. As if that part was a different poem. You first target the 'yourself'. You're point out something about yourself. And then you turned to point to the other person and said something about him/her which isn't really related to the first line.

A poet needs to watch the pieces coherence, you know! This is a sonnet, especially; each stanza has its part of the story. A line must be connected to the things in the next line. Don't quickly change points of view, or tone. If you want to alter the beat and rhythms, do it subtly in the next stanza, not the outright next line, 'kay!

Well, I'd like to comment more, but that's mostly the problem, even for the rest of the piece, so I hope you check up on coherence. The more coherent the piece, the easier to read and better the flow! It's beautiful, sweet and cheery. I love how you said these words and that, it just needs some more support.

Good luck writing!

I really like the last rhyming couplet. It flows really nicely. A couple of your rhymes and rhythms were kind of forced, but You had pretty awesome iambic pentameter. one line read through the iambic pentameter rather awkwardly, however:
"loving someone who doesn't care ain't fair."
I'd suggest something to fix that but I can't think of anything.
Even though your rhymes and rhythms are forced in places, I still found it a very enjoyable poem. Good job. Keep writing.

ok to start off i would like to say i really thought this poem was awesome!!! i love how you captured the mood!! i love the rhyme meter that you used as well very awesome. something that you need to take into consideration is your PUNCTUATION!!!!!! NO COMMAS OR PERIODS?? COME ON LOL its okay i forget to write punctuations to because im so caught up into my writing and i just forget but it is a must if you want to grow as a poet/writer. if i was writing this poem this is how i would write it:

I hoped that you could see my every clue,
Your soul is pure and white as is a dove,
Your words are sweet and mind is very blue,
I hoped you would see true and endless love.

To me you were the reason of my life,
I had tried to attract you as does bait,
But you are making this a big hard strife,
But Death is near and it will be too late,

Loving someone who doesn’t care ain’t fair,
For you no longer will I ever dread,
Of all the things love I will never share,
You only see the lips of her so red.


I will find one whose love is very true
Life is too short to ever waste on you.

always put a period at the end of a stanza because you are done with that rhyme scheme.
and commas always remember your commas.

i will be looking forward to seeing more work from you(:

Dude! I like this totally awesome guy and sometimes I feel the same way...but he is to funny to get sad about . I don't even know if he likes me. Did you write this ? It's really lovely but I think you use as a littile to much where it isn't necessary. like in these two line "I had tried to attract you as does bait" and "Your soul is pure and white as is a dove"
saying "as is a dove " to me just sounds a little strange... you could have said like a dove, just like a dove, or white as a dove...something like that ? PUNCTUATION POLIECE HERE! There wern't any periods or comma's though your capitalization was spot on. Your rhyming was superior though your lines in each stanza seemed a little long as individuals.

Don't get me wrong. I really felt the emotion of your poem and could connect with it on a much deeper level. To me your writing was smooth and cold and crisp...live silk

I LOVED IT TOTALLY!

Keep it up
~Speakerskat