Published May 30, 2013
It was a night like any other, except tonight was Halloween night. Although there was this weird feeling in the air, the party was great. All the people dressed, all the food delicious. But it was late and getting dark, so I decided it was time to walk home.
After excusing myself from the party I walked home, alone. "Well at least there's the full moon." I thought to myself. But that night the full moon was not in my favor. As I was walking down the street the sound of quick footsteps caused me to turn around. There was nothing. I kept walking thinking it must have been the leaves- but leaves in the middle of the summer, but everything was bare. Minutes later I heard the footsteps again this time I didn't look back, I just ran. Finally, after a long run I looked back, but no one was there.
Because I wasn't paying attention, I ran into a guy who also seemed to be running from something. "What's wrong? Are you okay?" I asked, catching a glimpse of dried blood on his shirt. "Get away!" He screamed. I don't know if I was just scared but I could have sworn to have heard a deep growl from his throat. I looked at his eyes that were a glowing honey color, but moments later they were pitch black. He ran towards the forest.
I couldn't just leave him bleeding running around. I followed him at a great distance. He all of a sudden took a sharp turn into a cave.
When I walked in , it was pitch black, then I heard the noise of chains and growls. This was all so weird. I kept walking deeper into the cave. Then I came upon some torches, lighting the cave , but there was a hole in the ceiling big enough to see the full moon. The growls were now louder. I saw a pile of clothes to the side. Lifting the shirt I saw it was the exact shirt the guy had on. Still with blood across the front. I was on the floor leaning against the cave wall when a wolf tied by chains jumped towards me. I jumped back hitting my head on the cave wall. I was still conscious but everything was blurry. Every time I tried to get up my arms would give in slamming me to the floor. I could see the wolf pacing back and forth inches from my face. There was a mixture of yelling, howling, and crying and the next second the guy replaced the wolf in the chains. I was then carried and... I passed out.
When I woke up I was in my bed. My head hurt so bad. I touched the back of my head where there was dry blood. Could this all have been a dream... More like a nightmare! A week later I went to the cave and sure enough there were the chains. I found my bracelet on the floor. I never told any one of my nightmare or experience or whatever it was.
I've spent my life looking for those glowing honey eyes. And I won't stop looking.
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SparklingGabbi here! I'm going to make an epic review!
I'm glad that I did not see any spelling mistakes! Great!
But I did see a mistake with your dialogue.
" "What's wrong? Are you okay?" I asked, catching a glimpse of dried blood on his shirt. "Get away!" He screamed. "
You must always remember this rule for speech!
A new paragraph for a new speaker.
So it should go like this:
"What's wrong? Are you okay?" I asked, catching a glimpse of dried blood on his shirt.
>paragraph
"Get away!" he screamed.
Okay? Good, good.
Next is this!
"I kept walking thinking it must have been the leaves- but leaves in the middle of the summer, but everything was bare."
It didn't make much sense. I got confused. Reread it and tell me what you think. It could be just me, or maybe some other people too or maybe it just makes sense to you.
Other than that, the story was brilliant! Splendid! Remarkable! And all those good adjectives out there like 'Wonderful'!
~Gabbi has finished! Yay!~
Hello lovely,
You've totally caught my attention with this piece. I only have a few things that I personally believe needs some fixing. The line "It was a night like any other, except tonight was Halloween night." just seems kind of awkward. The line it was just like any other night is also kind of overused. I also noticed that you said it was Halloween, but you also say that it is summer. That kind of confused me a bit, but other than that I like it. Please let me know if you add to it.
I'm sorry. I didn't catch that. LOL. Was the story okay or was it boring all the way through. Okay. I'll work some more. Thanks for the feedback. See u soon.
. Thanks for calling me lovely.