Mormons

by sarebear
  • January 21, 2012
  • Poetry
  • Other

Spoiler! :
Yes, yes, I know that it this is not a haiku...suffice it to say that it is a 5/7/5 poem.


Mormons

Inconsequential
Pretty pink butterflies fly
Over the cesspool.

Comments & reviews · 2
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Karzkin
Review
Karzkin wrote a review · Sat Jan 21, 2012 5:29 pm

Hahaha. Somehow I feel like the 'spoiler' was aimed straight at me. It could be a haiku, all it needs is a keriji (I'll leave it to you to figure out what and where :P ).

From a technical point, I would replace 'fly' with something else ('float' perhaps?). I do not think it sits well next to 'butterflies'.

Nothing to critique other than that really. It's a great idea, cleverly executed. If I were you I'd ask Kylan for a review.

Stay classy,

K.



I'd be a quote vigilante. A literary Batman. Someone had better be quoting me now!
— Feltrix