Mormons

by sarebear

Published January 21, 2012

Spoiler! :
Yes, yes, I know that it this is not a haiku...suffice it to say that it is a 5/7/5 poem.


Mormons

Inconsequential
Pretty pink butterflies fly
Over the cesspool.

Comments & reviews · 2
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Karzkin
Review
Karzkin wrote a review Review · Jan 21, 2012

Hahaha. Somehow I feel like the 'spoiler' was aimed straight at me. It could be a haiku, all it needs is a keriji (I'll leave it to you to figure out what and where :P ).

From a technical point, I would replace 'fly' with something else ('float' perhaps?). I do not think it sits well next to 'butterflies'.

Nothing to critique other than that really. It's a great idea, cleverly executed. If I were you I'd ask Kylan for a review.

Stay classy,

K.



I'll admit the two turtle doves are growing on me, but there are ten birds in this house already and we both know geese are feathered bioweapons of mass destruction.
— Silvern