I'd do anything to see your smile

This sounds like an awesome song, something with a great message and hints as to how to sing it.

sarebear wrote:Chorus
I’d do anything to see your smile again
to sit and hold your hand
and talk a while again,
I’d do anything to see your smile…
(to see your smile.)

I’d give anything to hear your voice again
relive that moment,
make that choice again,
I’d give anything to hear your voice…
(to hear your voice.)

I know that this is might be intentional, but I'd like to point out all of the 'agains' within the chorus. Of course, what seems repetitive in reading can actually work when vocalizing. Another thing that I would like to suggest is that you put parentheses around the ending repetition in each of the stanzas. As I said before, what seems repetitive in reading can work in vocalizing, but it does get a bit annoying to see like this. Plus, I'm just guessing at how this is meant to be sung, but I would think that the repetition would be sung differently in some way or another. Granted, I have no idea what genre this is for, but there is all kinds of ways of altering your voice.

If we still had that night
now it’s gone
I wish I held you tight
all along
I should have known
you were my light,
if we still had that night…
(if we still had that night.)

Maybe it's a lack of ending punctuation, but the 'now it's gone' needs something more. I would suggest a 'but' at the beginning, but I'm not quite sure how it would balance out with the rest of the stanza. I am also debating on an added 'had' in the third line.

And I think you might want to look at the punctuation in this stanza:

Would you take me back now?
I can’t say
yet I know if I can’t
have my way
life is not worth living
without you there
so baby I say…
so baby I say:

I think that the second line needs either a comma or a semicolon, and I think that the fourth line needs a comma. And then maybe the sixth line needs a period at the end.

This has a the potential to be a great song; I really can see someone singing this. PM me if you have any questions and good luck with your writing!

- Tatra

Hey Sarebear. Tis Esther her for reviewing.

This is very pretty. I like the meaningful tone to it.

Since these are lyrics, you should clearly mark your chorus. That way these look more like proffesional lyrics rather than a poem. I take it the chorus is this:

I’d give anything to hear your voice again
relive that moment,
make that choice again,
I’d give anything to hear your voice…
to hear your voice.

Boldface "Chorus" before the chorus starts to be more clear. Other than that, this is really sweet. I think my only qualm is that you may want to mix it up a little so it doesn't sound the same in parts, but I liked this a lot. Thanks for the read.

-Esther