Her eyes widen and she clutches her neck, fingering the shredded tissue with disbelief.
This can’t be happening, I think.
Not to her. She’s a survivor.
The culprit darts behind an old pipe, eyeing me wearily. He’s a zombie Hollywood never prepared the world for. Agile, with peeling, paper-thin skin, he runs on four legs like an animal. Only he’s human, and worst of all, conscious.
I snap, and the gun my father bought, my brother used, and my sister died carrying goes off in my hands. I don’t flinch when his wet, sticky blood sprays my face.
Her voice is barely a whisper. I run to her, skidding though puddles of blood on the warehouse floor. She’s curled on her side, her chest rising and falling with each shallow breath.
“Viola. Oh my god. Keep breathing.”
I brush her dark hair behind her ear so I can survey the bite. It’s deep. Too deep. I’ve lived in this post apocalyptic hell long enough to know when a wound is beyond repair. In a few precious minutes, the Changing will begin and she’ll become one of them.
“Ralph.” Her voice is the dry whisper of bones. “You need to leave now. You won’t be safe.”
“I’d rather live dangerously,” I say, which is possibly the cheesiest line ever, but I mean it. She wheezes a laugh, looks into my eyes, and just like that, she’s gone.
It’s quiet. Impossibly quiet. They say it’s always like this in the moments before a Changing, like the quiet before a storm. However, when the painful process begins, they say the air grows thick with the sounds of screaming.
I raise my gun. There’s only one bullet left. I need to fulfill this last promise to Viola if I am to ever forgive myself.
Her body twitches and jolts to life, as if probed by electricity. The inevitable screaming begins. It’s the worst sound I’ve ever heard, because it holds so much pain and there’s almost nothing I can do to relieve it.
“I love you, Viola,” I say, and I hate it so much I can’t stand it. Acrid fumes rise from her skin as it melts away, revealing the shiny layer beneath. And the screaming, the endless screaming.
“I’m sorry, Viola! I’m so sorry!” I cry, and I pull the trigger.
And blow myself away.
Talk about intense. I loved the way you described her changing in the end. I could practically see it happening before me. And the way you concluded the story was perfect. It was just enough of a twist without leaving a bunch of lose ends for the reader to worry about.
Good piece! I can't say much more than that.
Talk about intense. I loved the way you described her changing in the end. I could practically see it happening before me. And the way you concluded the story was perfect. It was just enough of a twist without leaving a bunch of lose ends for the reader to worry about.
Good piece! I can't say much more than that.
Cool.
I've only one other complaint with this and it's got to do with the last line. I feel as if 'And [b]blow[b/] myself away.' doesn't belong. It doesn't feel powerful enough, sort of... too vague, I guess. You've got so much tension going on up until that point and, to me, the last sentence dispels it in an offhand way. Try find something more punctual, something that hits home and causes a numb feeling in the reader, which is what I think this piece aims for.
Heya, not much of a review this, I'm afraid.
So much emotion in such a small piece. I really like your descriptions; they're vivid and tangible, especially like what the earlier reviewer didn't quite understand, the 'dry whisper of bones'. It somehow fit the mood perfectly.
One small check, when the zombie is eyeing the MC, you wrote eying. Trivial, I know.
Anyways, enough rambling. An impressive piece. Do keep writing. ^^
Your's truly,
Life.
I swear, my special effects have failed me every time today... Should be blow -.- As in bolded, as in seems out of place. *sighs* Maybe I should get some sleep.
Wow. It's possibly the only thing I can say. I just have one tiny criticism (sorry :/ ). You said her voice was a 'dry whisper of bones'. I find this a little bit odd. It doesn't make sense to me. But it's really good. Carry on writing, because you are amazing at it!