Published May 11, 2011
I'm the monster in the closet,
Though I'm too scared to come out.
I don't want to scare anyone
I'm afraid they'll scream and shout.
I'm the monster in the closet
But really, I'm scared of myself
And the door's locked in this closet
Alone in my personal hell.
I'm the monster in the closet,
I'm the boogie man.
There's a small mirror in this closet
I resist it when I can.
But all I feel is potential rejection,
Every second, building
I look in the mirror and what I see is
Cold and never yielding.
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140,588 Literary Works • 673,542 Reviews
Hey! I loved it! I love how, unlike other monsters, he is scared to scare. It is obviously symbolic (even if you didn't mean it to be, which is very well done if you didn't!) of someone who is maybe scared of hurting people due to their past and doesn't wish to do anything wrong again. It's a beautiful and remarkable poem. I love the rhyming scheme: to give it a childish theme to it as it's something only children fear, when truly, rejection is something we all are scared of.
Anyway! 5 STAR!
This was REALLY good...my nose was literally an inch from the screen, the poem drew me in because I can definitely relate. I'm not usually one for couplets but this flowed really well. Bravo
wow this is sooo good!!!!
thanks guys! the feedback is great!
I really enjoyed your poem.
It was written well, but, as always, there are a few things that I'd like to point out.
There are two stanzas that don't really fit the flow of the poem.
Like the first reviewer said, it doesn't have as many syllables as the other stanzas. One way to makes sure this doesn't happen again is to read your work out loud as you write it, and after you've written it. It'll help you find the mistakes in the rhythm, and be able to fix them before posting.
I love nearly all the stanzas in this poem, except for this one. It just seems like it doesn't have much of a point, except to point out in a too obvious way that this person doesn't like themselves, which the rest of this poem already tells you. That might just be me, though.
All together, huge kudos to you for writing such a wonderful poem.
Hi.. Well I really liked your poem.. It was good and flowed really smooth..
Keep up the good work
Hrshita:)
Hola!
The name is Nafe and I'm here to review your poem.
First off let me start by saying how disappointed I am that this poem only has one review. I think it's ppretty awesome. It always apinds me to see good work go unnoticed. I think I can somehow relate to this, sometimes the monster we fear the most is the one we see in our mirrors.
Like tgirly said, the
"I'm the monster in the closet,
I'm the boogey man"
bit doesn't seem to flow, perhaps you could change it or add more syllables to make it better.
Apart from that I honestly don't have anything else to say. I most definitely enjoyed reading it.
I'm the monster in the closet,
I'm the boogie man
I'm not sure this last line has enough syllables to match with the other stanzas. Also, you didn't put in all the punctuation that's needed, in my opinion. I LOVED it, it ROCKED!!!!! You left me wanting more, which is good, but I think you could make it a little bit longer. What might be interesting is if the "monster" has a past, like if it has been rejected and its fearing further rejection. Of course, that might also ruin it, so trust your own judgement there. I REALLY like it.