Young Writers Society


Magnified World, Passionless Heart

by sapphirewednesday
  • May 16, 2012
  • Poetry
  • Realistic · Politics
The old man sits and strokes his face.
Scientific minds in a lethal race.
Children look up and scratch their heads.
The dead still don´t know why they´re dead.

Tounges tell lies that hold small truth.
Detectives offended by the word sleuth.
Eyes watch with a judging glare
Hours, spent on fixing hair.

False importance is a bomb,
Which explodes within trembling palms.
When darkness is your only out
You have to choose to scream and shout.

Everyone knows what´s right for you.
You´re not as important as your clothes and shoes.
Compress your mind, there´s a machine for that.
Open-minded people are like sewer rats.

There´s nothing you can tell them to change their minds.
Overbearing power - allowed to cross the line.
Paper is your only evidence,
You´re dumb if it doesn´t all make sense.

It´s you´re life, and they only mean well, 
But if you choose wrong you´ll go strait to hell.

Comments & reviews · 1
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Epicdonkalous
Review
Epicdonkalous wrote a review · Mon Jun 25, 2012 1:04 am

Hey there!
I like the concept of this poem, but I found a few technical errors.
* Tongues
* remove the comma after "hours"
* your, not you're in the last stanza
* straight

I don't really think that the title suits the poem, and I am a bit confused about the old man at the beginning. Is he pondering life, or remembering his past, how things still revolve around material things? Other than these few things, I rather liked it.
~Epic



You have light and peace inside you. If you let it out, you can change the world around you.
— Uncle Iroh, Avatar the Last Airbender