Published May 11, 2011
My fantasies have become my life,
That's the only way they'll ever come true.
Fantasies have become my life
Because all I think about is you.
I think about how stubborn you are
with that discerning grin.
I think about the butterflies you'll get
As I kiss your nose and chin.
I think about the way I'll have you
When we move into our house.
I fantasize the beauty you'll illuminate
On the day my friend becomes my spouse.
But alas, I can't see your face
Only your personality, lovely and sweet.
As I fantasize about the endless possibilities,
of the day when we will meet.
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140,620 Literary Works • 673,561 Reviews
Simply put; I like it.
Hi there.
this is very good, but needs some work.
The one thing that drags the poem down is the structure. The two line stanzas are very boring and conservative. I think you could try and break out of this.
However you have some very good lines in here that break out of the typical "love poem" style. For example
"I think about how stubborn you are
with that discerning grin.'
This says a lot about character without being too long.
So keep working at because this has a lot of potential.
Thanks so much! That is a great suggestion and I'm adding it now!
The last stanza doesn't have enough syllables. You could change it to:
As I fantasize about the endless possibilities,
Of the day when we will meet
Of course, its just a suggestion. I don't see a single proofreading error. Good job.