Hey!! Saw this in the green room and was intrigued by the title so im giving my review on this
So by first impressions, I think this as a summary is pretty good as you explained the character's feelings towards each other and how this follows the trope of unrequited love. and the way you broke it down into parts was great.
Picking out of this piece, i have a few quotes that i found which really compelled the story to keep me reading more: " thoughts about Nia became a tormenting flame, scorching Amber's detective brain, while she, now the victim, suffered in silence." I really liked the way you expressed Amber's confession of her feelings internally towards Nia. I also noticed your language techniques like metaphors - "Water spilled out of the vessel and quenched the flame. Together, the steam of their shared emotions started to form." Which really helped the emphasize the connection Nia and Amber had.
What i could say that needs improvement was how some of your summary went off track-Although you explained their connections, it does not explain the entire narrative of your extract, in the beginning it did but i believe you could go into more depth into the character by themselves individually. Especially on Nia - Since she is the love interest in this extract, i think you should adapt her character more, maybe even touch up on the relationship she has with Bill, her fiance who is caring but possessive - maybe you could brush up on that? . Because with the unrequited trope you have here - i think emphasizing the relationship between Nia and Bill will really drive into that, you've already touched up on the other reason for her unrequited love pretty well so i think your writing style would work great with this.
Anyways!! I think you did a really good job on this.
Have a lovely day!! (also so sorry for this late review ahahha)
Points: 272
Reviews: 3
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