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Lock Down Story.

by sanil.more


In the current lock down, no one can go out or meet anyone. Relatives can't even meet a friend who lives in the next building. At such times, the internet is the only medium through which people can talk to each other. Like everyone else, he was always active on social media. Sometimes Facebook and sometimes Instagram used to do something. He had also registered on a matrimonial site. Every day he was getting notifications of new girls' profiles on that site. That's when he saw her profile.

He knew her from the beginning, in fact she was his distant relative. He didn't even recognize her when he saw her photo after all these years. But he didn't want to talk to her through the matrimony site.

He immediately searched for her on Facebook and sent a friend request. Shortly after, the notification came that she had accepted the request, he was very happy from the bottom of his heart. Later that day they had a long messenger talk. They were talking to each other about their lives. They talked until late at night. Finally after that they wished each other good night and slept .....


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22 Reviews


Points: 874
Reviews: 22

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Sun May 24, 2020 7:51 am
sulagna wrote a review...



Hi snail.more,

I agree with other reviews...
I think your topic was a good one. Yes everybody is stuck at home and trying to do a new thing each day. I agree with the point :

"At such times, the internet is the only medium through which people can talk to each other. Like everyone else, he was always active on social media. "

This is the point I realised in this lockdown.
Well....I would suggest you to add some more points like:

1... You could have written about how you are missing people like cousins,friends,relatives etc.

2...You could have written that you tried cooking something and it turned out to be something else...I mean you can always change the expression of your writing..
Turn it to be in a humorous way..

3... You have only written about messaging...but you know right ...internet is not only for messaging,it can be used for many purposes....like you tried to read on some books on kindle,tried to find out something new and etc.

4. The ending which you wrote.." Later that day they had a long messenger talk. They were talking to each other about their lives. They talked until late at night. Finally after that they wished each other good night and slept ....."
How abruptly it ended. Isn't that so ??

This a very relevant topic on which you can write.

So ,this is it.
I hope my review will be helpful !
You just joined yesterday so welcome in yws!
Oh yess and dont forget to read on my new story!

KEEP WRITING!
From Sulagna



Random avatar
sanil.more says...


Thanks your review..About Story Ending Point.. From my way this is not ending.. I will try to more explorer this and write moreover on that.



sulagna says...


Ya thats it !! best of luck !



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159 Reviews


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Sun May 24, 2020 12:52 am
whatchamacallit wrote a review...



Hello sanil.more! I'm here to review your short story!

My main impression is that this is, well, very short. The length of a short story can vary, but technically, they are supposed to be around 7,500 words. Of course, that is fairly long and I think anything as short as 2,000 words is fine for a nice concise short story. Just for perspective, what you've written so far is 195 words. There's nothing wrong with that, but if you really want to develop your characters and build a captivating plot, you'll have to expand on what you've written a little bit. It's good to set up a bit of background or routine for your main character, then add in some plot, give the reader some suspense, and then end with a tidy resolution (unless you want to end on a cliffhanger, then you can keep the tension). Right now, we have a very short, vague introduction, and are then immediately given the main focus (this girl on a dating app). There's hardly any build-up or tension, and the conclusion isn't very suspenseful, nor does it offer a nice resolution. I mean, ending on a ellipses is essentially the opposite of a resolution.

One way to add to what you have so far is to set this up as the main character being very lonely and sad. He's addicted to social media, but it doesn't satisfy him and something seems to be missing. He sees this girl on a dating app and she's gorgeous and he falls in love with her, she seems familiar, they talk, there's some build-up, and then they figure out that they're distant relatives and now he knows why she seemed familiar. That's just one way you could set it up; it depends on what you want the climax and resolution to be.

I don't mean to be discouraging - what you have here is a really strong start, I think it just needs to be fleshed out and expanded on. Right now it feels really short like it ends before it's finished, if that makes sense.

Anyways, overall it's well-written, just quite short! That's it for my review, I hope you found it helpful, and I hope it doesn't come across as harsh. If you have any questions, feel free to ask!

Keep writing!

whatchamacallit



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sanil.more says...


Thank you for helpful review.. Next time i will keep in mind.



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22 Reviews


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Reviews: 22

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Sat May 23, 2020 5:24 pm
Shadeflame wrote a review...



Hi sanil.more!
I'm Shadeflame and I'm here to review your story.

Your story had a nice description of what life is like in self-isolation at the start of your story. It really set the scene for what happened after.
I liked that the story was pretty short and sweet. It also had a happy ending, showing that good things can come out of being in quarantine. However, there were a few points which made me a bit confused.

When you said

Shortly after, the notification came that she had accepted the request, he was very happy from the bottom of his heart.

you might want to put an "when" in there, so it would look like this
Shortly after, when the notification came that she had accepted the request, he was very happy from the bottom of his heart.


Also, when you said
He knew her from the beginning, in fact she was his distant relative. He didn't even recognize her when he saw her photo after all these years.

it made me a bit confused the first time I read it. It sounded like you were saying you didn't recognize her at all, which confused me. How would you know that she was your distant relative then? After I read it over again, I realized that you must have seen the name of the girl, so maybe you could make that a bit more clear?

Keep writing!
-Shadeflame



Random avatar
sanil.more says...


Yes..Thank you for clear understanding my point.. And i'm thinking about to write next story shortly And this is my starting please always give feedback of my all stories.




History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon.
— Napoleon Bonaparte