Published January 4, 2011
How can I forget?
How can I forget about you?
How can I forget your sweet whispers?
How can I forget your strong arms?
How can I forget your warm chocolate eyes?
How can I forget your perfectly-marbled face?
How can I forget everything that happened between us?
How can I forget our first date?
How can I forget our almost-first kiss?
How can I forget our late-night talks?
How can I forget our secrecy?
How can I forget all of the fighting?
How can I forget the way I yelled at you?
How can I forget the way you criticized me?
How can I forget the drama that appeared?
How can I forget the lies that happened?
How can I forget the way you hurt me?
How can I forget all of tears I shed?
How can I forget the pain in my chest?
How can I forget the loneliness I felt?
How can I forget the depression?
After all of the things that happened with us
The good and the bad
You expect me just to forget it?
How can I forget?
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138,999 Literary Works • 672,396 Reviews
Hey there,
The reviewers above me are right about repetition. The structure of this poem merely feels like you've taken a question, decided you're going to ask the same thing, say, I don't know, around twenty times, and it feels as though your running out of things to say as we reach nearer the end. The only intriguing and creative piece about this is your final stanza, but even then it seems fairly lyrical and the almost "summary" repetition where you ask the question a final time lacks effect, as well as making it sound like a song - not a poem.
I got a feeling of how you can fix this up, and it's a fairly simple option too - if you're willing to plug a little effort into this piece. So here's my suggestion:
Instead of the current first stanza, why not try something like below - it takes out the sting of over-killing repetition.
Sounds better, no?
Anyway, keep writing.
Ben
It isn't such a good work mate....
As mentioned above there are a lot of repetitions and it isn't good...
And you did not get the right flow...
After reading once one would not want to read it twice...
I myself am a horrible writer thats why i can understand....
Sorry that the review did not end up as you may have wanted it...
Keep writing...
PM me for anything...
Hey, Anger here.
I personally didn't like. I get that this is meant to be an emotional piece, but there is an insane amount of repetition. After a while all the words just seem to blur on the screen -Trust me.-
Also I don't think you really understand poetry. It's not just about pouring your emotion onto paper, it's also about using several poetic devices such as metaphor, simile, etc. You also seem to have quite a lack of imagery in your poem, and thats what makes poetry so beautiful. I suggest you do a bit of research on other poets to learn more about poetry and to improve on your poems.
"How can I forget your perfectly-marbled face?" This sounds horribly familiar
Hope this helped,
Anger
P.S I saw something else you wrote 'Mask' and I much preferred it to this.