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Sunset

by sachawrites




It’s funny how love can be a fleeting feeling.

Just like how the sun sets in the afternoon, a beautiful sight to behold- strokes of yellow, orange, pink and purple paints the sky for a moment before we are enveloped in the darkness of the night sky.

Just like how the love that we felt for a person- once an explosion of passion, love and lust, can suddenly vanish.

How can one be so important one day and be a thing of the past the next day?

Just like that, love can be fleeting.

Suddenly, you forgot how you felt when you watched the sun vanished in the horizon.

Only immortalized by still images, the atmosphere and feeling is nothing but a faint memory.

If this is the case, I no longer want to be someone’s sunset- a beautiful fleeting moment you can only enjoy in a fixed and finite time.

If love can be so temporary, can I find someone who does not consider me as a sunset? 


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11 Reviews


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Reviews: 11

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Wed Mar 31, 2021 9:46 pm
BlueGlow wrote a review...



This poem is a very emotional and personal poem and i admire it for that. I do agree that those colours could be replaced with more visual words; especially by tying them to objects people have seen before. The best part of the poem, is the experience you are conveying to the audience as you convey that feeling of longing and remembrance in a beautiful way. Nice work!



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sachawrites says...


You%u2019re right! I have so much to learn. Especially to choose my words with purpose. Thank you so much for reading!



BlueGlow says...


No problem! I will keep an eye on your future work!



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51 Reviews


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Tue Mar 30, 2021 5:00 pm
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Glauke says...



This piece reminded me a lot of the poem "Eternity" by William Blake:

He who binds to himself a joy
Does the winged life destroy
He who kisses the joy as it flies
Lives in eternity's sunrise




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Tue Mar 30, 2021 4:30 pm
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chikara wrote a review...



'Ello there!

First Impressions:

I like the photo you've chosen. It creates an atmosphere that I anticipate will continue to the remainder of the work. The pigments being essentially focused on yellow to one side and purple on the opposite might not suggest anything, but it seems pleasant together.

I adore the opening line you've decided on because most expressions of "it's funny" actually contradict the comedy factor. It attaches profundity to the narrator's development, which unmistakably transforms how the tone reflects at first.

The combination of temporary and love isn't something I've overheard before frequently. Most people encircle the concept that genuine love never ceases, but when in actuality, people tumble out of affection because of so many experiences.

The closing segment got me too, and out of any of the lines in this, it's my favourite. I tend to not favor when writings finish at a question because it feels unfinished, but the incompleteness leaves the reader at a location where they accept the inquiry and seek an explanation.

Digging Deeper:

The quantity of interrogatories makes me understand the narrator has succumbed to their solicitudes. They don't recognize what to maintain, so they investigate for explanations of some things only they can answer. Perhaps they'd rather not possess the truth, too.

The bit of "enveloped in the darkness of the night sky" advances my opinion of them being lost in their mind. The entire theme of love here is inelastic, which could indicate a breakup or falling out between two personages that previously had so much admiration for each other.

If we head back to "If love can be so temporary, can I find someone who does not consider me as a sunset?" the identical reasoning method happens, but now I'm beginning to think the previous partner or figure they appreciated wasn't as reliable as they masked before.

Nitpicks:

The word choice with "strokes of yellow, orange, pink and purple" isn't a very specific image. Most information doesn't need to be indicative of every circumstance, but colour is constantly something that has the potential to have so many expressions representing a particular hue.

Yellow could become a gold tone, orange can be like creamlike honey or unsightly rust depending on the shade you prefer, pink has so many opportunities from a light blush to dim magenta, and even the magenta component can fit with the overall purple design.

I could say the same with "explosion of passion, love and lust" due to both love and lust's applications changing depending on the person's temperament. Love can be hazy and stalwart, but it can possibly be like autumn breezes and scorching chocolate.

Conclusion:

This was a nice read. I liked the way you designed this understanding that could be paraphrased in so many styles and consolidating that with intentions that remain the same. I also think the selection of photo reflected everything nicely without giving away the unobvious.

Good job ~

C & T



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sachawrites says...


Thank you so much for your critique. I%u2019ll keep this in mind as I continue to hone my writing skills. This piece has been written with a sudden burst of emotions and inspiration I felt at that time and my first attempt to write a poem seriously. Your comment truly inspired me to continue to sharpen my writing and be more thoughtful and intentional of the words I type. Cheers!




Defeat has its lessons as well as victory.
— Pat Buchanan