Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.
Paradox
Written by- s0nicBlaire
“The way I feel for him is the type of emotion even the Heavens can’t explain…”
“You know, I shouldn’t even care, but knowing you are with that oaf only makes me want you more.”
“No… P-please, can y-you stop-p?”
“Honestly, I don’t give an ogre’s ass about what he feels. I was toying with him anyway.”
“I don’t know what’s happening, but whatever it is, I’m at your service.”
“How dare you? Do you have any idea how foolish you’re being right now?”
“Love is like a paradox: you hate the game, yet you love being played. It’s pathetic, really.”
Love is like a paradox. You’re either in or out. It’s either better or worse. It’s like you can’t stand the pain, though you enjoy being hurt.
“As long as he’s happy. That’s what matters most, right?”
“If you only knew how wrong you were…”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Overall...this has some interesting elements but right away I don't think the choice of making the whole thing a conversation, and without any kind of dialogue tags was a good plan 'cause I was lost like three lines into this thing...it just take a bit too much effort her to figure out who is saying what.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okayy...well this is an interesting start to this one...hmm...not a lot of prologues are going to start right away with conversation and not even a single dialogue tag to keep track of whose saying what..its certainly an interesting choice, I hope this is easy to follow or this is just asking for trouble with potential confusions as to who is saying what especially when we don't even know who is who...cause there isn't even a name here. But hmm....love problems...those are always quite fun...let's see what this one is all about I suppose.
Aaand yes, I have already kind of lost track of who's saying what here, I'm sure this makes a ton of sense to you if you know which characters these are and what actually they are talking about but to me I'm a bit lost, its not doing much to introduce anything at all, and while it seems to generally be some interesting things happening here, I'm also a little confused which is not a good sign so far.
Well..I certainly don't have any idea if anyone is being foolish at all, but hmm...well looks likes something crazy is happening at least...although again, you need a couple of dialogue tag and at least some basic way of realizing whose speaking...the stuff they're speaking can be mysterious, that's confusing but in a good way cause you want to find out more but when the whole thing is confusing, das not very good.
Well...that's some great lines there, the love is like a paradox thing certainly sounds like it could be amazing and that last line sounds like a perfect little ending to a prologue but again...these amazing lines end up being a little bit pointless when you can't really tell what else is happening here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, this sounds like it could be a cool story, but this prologue does need a little bit more work before its properly usable....hopefully wasn't too harsh there...well anywhere that's all I gotta say here.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Heya!
Very intriguing premise - I like the little fantasy tidbits scattered throughout the dialogue. It makes me want to get even deeper into the story!
As for how this holds up as a prologue? Well, honestly, I would cut it out. A prologue is meant to introduce a reader to something, to expand on or create questions within the reader before the novel begins. It is a hook, and one that, when done wrong, can ruin the opening of a story. Other than the line about love being a paradox, I feel like this Prologue is lacking any of the essential characteristics that are necessary for an introduction.Unless you choose to explain a bit more, I would not include this in your finished work.
Also, be careful when switching to second person! It is very jolting to the reader!
Hope my comments helped, and good luck XD
Hi, here to review this little piece of yours! ^^
Of course there isn't much to go on yet, as this is a prologue and you've done it in this fragmented format.
From what I understand, these are mostly dialogue pieces. It's intrigueing because the reader doesn't know when or where these will happen.
What kind of bothers me is that there is difference in formatting that I don't quite understand. Why is there one sentence that isn't direct speech? Why is the last sentence not bold? Is there a reasoning behind this?
That is something I would keep in mind. It's fine to try to get the reader interested by posing some mysteries.
Keep on writing!
All the best,
~Lemikita