Published April 13, 2008
The Ball
The flutter of a skirt,
Innocent rustle of a blouse.
The snap and fold of sharp-looking suits.
Creases, ruffles, lace, and cuffs-
The revelry is about to begin.
There’s the sea, twirling about
And sunshine is right on her heels,
Both held in the embrace of strapping storm clouds.
Fire erupts dead center of it all
A wisp of smoke never out of her sight.
Suddenly, a black-eyed Susan appears from the back
The gaze of a birch catches her eye, and she flutters off,
But not before envious violets take notice.
They’re sore over the poplars and chestnuts,
Who shuffle nervously on the sidelines.
Twirling, swirling, whirling, and parading about
The roses, daises, daffodils, and lilies
Intertwining with stars, the midnight sky, and a roaring ocean.
All are at the ball tonight.
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140,637 Literary Works • 673,574 Reviews
Very clever:) I especially like these lines:
"Suddenly, a black-eyed Susan appears from the back
The gaze of a birch catches her eye, and she flutters off,
But not before envious violets take notice."
"Intertwining with stars, the midnight sky, and a roaring ocean." -- I think this could be better as "Intertwining with the stars, the midnight sky, and the roaring ocean."
Your first two stanzas desperately need some punctuation. I'm not sure how it happened, but your third has perfect punctuation, and your first two have almost none. Fix!
Good job with all the imagery! This was a very witty, clever piece:)
Keep writing!
*adna*
I like this. Really clever. Nice imagary.
Heh, I liked this. At first, I wasn't sure if you were using "sunshine," "sea", etc. to describe people or not, but I finally took it to mean as the personification of those elements.