“Ready to go?”
“Just a sec!”
I gently close the door.
If anyone could see me now,
They’d not believe me when I say
“I have to go”.
There's a storm brewing
Behind my eyelids,
Starting to pour.
A little girl grew up in here,
But she's far too grown up to live here anymore.
The suitcases are by the door,
The car is parked outside
But for one last time I have to sigh
At my great ol’ fuchsia sky.
Tomorrow it’ll be white again,
Never quite the same.
The grass beneath my feet is cream, and fluffy, but
It’ll soon be replaced by a dun coloured wooden floor.
A little girl grew up in here,
But she’s far too grown up to live here anymore.
I wonder if mum will notice
That crack in the wall,
Once hidden by a poster.
Then again, I have a feeling
She, no doubt , already knows it’s there.
A little girl grew up in here,
But she’s far too grown up too live here anymore.
The wardrobe's lying empty,
Tomorrow they’ll take it away.
Mum has plans for a nice plant, to fill the space.
Guests will admire it, of that I’m sure,
But they’ll have keep their clothes
Folded away in a suitcase.
A little girl grew up in here,
But she’s far too grown up to live here anymore.
Those silly teenage romances,
Are abandoned on the shelf.
I’m sure nan will love them,
Now she’s coming to stay.
A little girl grew up in here,
But she’s far too grown up to live here anymore.
Those boxes will come later,
It’s time to leave the nest.
I say one last goodbye
To the room that once taught me how to fly.
Lift the tenancy agreement off the floor,
Turn off the lights and finally close the door.
A little girl grew up in there,
But she’s far too grown up to live there anymore.
---
My first attempt at poetry :) I'm sorry about the format - the spaces between the stanzas weren't showing up :)
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,381 Literary Works • 673,136 Reviews
Hey it is a good way to write a poem.
Thanks
When I read it, feel like a "boom.....". There have lot of things that makes me happy.
The sensational parts of this poem was superb. Within few lines I confused, so it was gargony for me. But when I ignore it this is a good one. Thanks.....
Hello! CHRISSY here for a review!
) I find it great that you have the ability to write this good on the first try! Good for you!
Ok, first off, I actually find it cool the way the stanzas were arranged! made it more interesting!
Ok, well this poem is great. I means a lot to me, for I directly relate. I had to move a couple of years ago, and it was painful. Seeing all the mark, and this left there from me. I miss my old home sometimes, but it is not too bad. I feel that this can connect with so many people!
I have to say, this is great for you first time! (Mine was no good
I feel like the repeating line was great, but then brought for sadness, and connection.
I think that the beginning is great, the beginning. It told us (the readers) they the girl was alone in the room, remembering and saying goodbye! It was so sweet!
I just loved to poem, and you deserve you spot in the spotlight! I am proud of you! Congrats, and thanks for sharing this with us at YWS! Please keep writing!
Hi thank you so much!
No problem!
Hello! CHRISSY here for a review!
) I find it great that you have the ability to write this good on the first try! Good for you!
Ok, first off, I actually find it cool the way the stanzas were arranged! made it more interesting!
Ok, well this poem is great. I means a lot to me, for I directly relate. I had to move a couple of years ago, and it was painful. Seeing all the mark, and this left there from me. I miss my old home sometimes, but it is not too bad. I feel that this can connect with so many people!
I have to say, this is great for you first time! (Mine was no good
I feel like the repeating line was great, but then brought for sadness, and connection.
I think that the beginning is great, the beginning. It told us (the readers) they the girl was alone in the room, remembering and saying goodbye! It was so sweet!
I just loved to poem, and you deserve you spot in the spotlight! I am proud of you! Congrats, and thanks for sharing this with us at YWS! Please keep writing!
Hello runandhide! First off, Happy New Year and happy holidays. And anytime is a good time to start writing poetry. I used to write poetry all the time a few years ago. I have a binder full of poems I have written but have not wrote anything in two years. As you practice and get older the art of poetry gets easier and you learn more and more things.
Now gottahaveFaith here to review your poetry!
I have to say that I like the spacing. I would have guessed that it was intentional to be honest. By disrupting the pattern it gives it a certain flow to read and a visualization that helps the poem in my opinion.
I am not sure the exact topic of the poem but that is what I like about it, it does not tell you straight out. I get the feeling it could be about moving away to college but once again I do not know because it does not say straight out.
Overall good job, you should keep on writing and I hope you have a good day!
Thank you! I'm really glad you liked it!
That's your first attempt? Well, you definitely have tons of potential for the future. I advise you to keep writing poetry!
Thank you so much!
Of course!
It's great for a first poem, you should try poetry more.
Thank you!!
I enjoyed this poem. The constant sense of nostalgia really pushes your message through to the reader. Normally i am not a fan of too much repititous in poetry but i found myself happier and happier to see the lines "A little girl grew up in here, but shes far too grown up to live here anymore"repeat as the poem ran its course. It was sort of melancholy but not in the way that can be self-deprecating or pitiful. Congrats on a great poem
Good luck and have fun editing
LZ
Thank you! I'm really glad you liked it
Woah, I love this poem, can't believe it's your first!
Thank you!!!
It was a very beautiful poem. You have a great talent!
Thank you!
For your first attempt at poetry, I must say this wasn't bad. The format definitely threw me off and I actually thought it was deliberate, but you explain it wasn't at the bottom. That said, this was well written, I came across no spelling errors or typos.
You have several good lines in here. Your poem seems to about loss, and the struggle we all have in dealing with losses in our lives, especially the pain that comes with losing something familiar, like the girl losing her room in your poem. Letting go isn't easy but at some point it's our only option. Eventually we have to turn off the lights and finally close the door on that chapter of our lives and move on.
Thanks a lot! Really sorry about the format
I loved it.
Thank you! That means a lot