Angel Sanchez and Joshua Gonzales are meeting for coffee. They are both juniors at the same high school and it’s the August before their senior year. He is the one who broke her heart into a million pieces during their freshman year of high school and never apologized. She’s ready to give him a piece of her mind.
(She walks into the coffee shop through stage right and immediately sees Joshua sitting at a table near the back. She squares he shoulders and walks over.)
Josh.
Joshua:
(He looks up and smiles.)
Hey, Angela. Please, sit down.
(Angel sits)
Joshua:
Thank you for meeting me here. I didn’t think you would come.
Angel:
(She shrugs)
I don’t really have anything better to do. What did you want me to come here for?
Joshua:
I wanted to talk.
(Joshua leans on the table)
Joshua:
I haven’t talked to you since 9th grade and we’re about to graduate. You never want to talk to me during school and every time I try to talk to you, you just look at me like I’m the only bad thing in your life.
Angel:
(She sighs and looks at him)
That’s because of what you did in 9th grade.
Joshua:
(He laughs bitterly)
Why can’t you just get over that? It was three years ago! I was a stupid kid and I didn’t know that I would loose such a wonderful person.
Angel:
(She rolls her eyes)
Now you’re just being a kiss ass.
Joshua:
And that’s a bad thing?
(Joshua waits for a reply. When Angel says nothing, he sighs heavily and just looks at her.)
Joshua:
I messed up, okay? I was a huge flirt and a player and I lead you on. I called you beautiful and I kissed you. And then I never asked you to be my girl. I’m sorry.
Angel:
(Looks at him)
But it’s more than that. I wasn’t the only one who was convinced that you liked me. Everyone, even that girl that you were dating on and off, Leslie, was convinced that either we were a couple or we were going to be. It was absolutely devastating.
(Angel starts getting angry)
Angel:
Plus, Leslie started shit with me! She was trying to say that I kissed her man, when you were clearly broken up!
(Angel clenches her jaw.)
Angel:
I didn’t come here to hear an apology, Josh. I could care less now.
(Angel leans back in her seat.)
Joshua:
(Shakes head, laughing in disbelief)
You do care. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here. You wanted to tell me all of this. You wanted to blow it up in my face. I get it.
Angel:
(She gives him a death glare) I’m not gonna put up with this.
(Angel stands.)
Joshua:
(Stands and walks over to her)
Don’t leave. Please.
(Joshua takes Angel's hand in his.)
Joshua:
I really want to fix this.
Angel:
(Stares at their hands, jaw clenched)
Why now?
(Angel looks at him and takes her hand away.)
Angel:
Why today after all of those years? You could’ve done it a long time ago.
Joshua:
(He looks down)
Let’s just say that I know something’s going to happen to me soon. I don’t know when, but soon. And I may not make it out in the best condition.
Angel:
(A little confused and worried)
Josh, what are you talking about?
Joshua:
I got involved with the wrong people, Angel. And now it’s time to get uninvolved.
(Joshua looks at her.)
Josh:
So that’s why I want to fix everything now.
Angel:
(sits back down)
You’re in a gang? When did that happen?
Joshua:
Sophomore year. When I realized that you hated me.
(Joshua looks up at her.)
Joshua:
I decided that I had nothing to live for.
Angel:
(She’s even more confused now)
What are you talking about, Josh? What did I have to do with that?
Joshua:
The real reason that Leslie hated you was that…I told her that I thought I might be falling in love with you.
(Joshua sits down and puts his head in his hands.)
Angel:
(Sits down again and looks at him)
You were?
Joshua:
(he nods)
I didn’t tell you because I didn’t know if that was weird or not…
Angel:
(She starts to giggle which makes him look up)
You obviously don’t know me that well. I am a huge romantic. I would have loved it if you told me that.
Joshua:
Are you serious?
(Josh scoots his chair as close as possible to hers.)
Angel:
(she nods and laughs)
Remember when you used to do that in World Geography?
Joshua:
(he smiles)
Yeah and that always used to make you giggle.
(Joshua looks into her eyes.)
Joshua:
I love your giggle.
Angel:
(she looks back at him)
So tell me about the trouble you’re in.
Joshua:
(he sighs)
I’m trying to get out of this gang and…well, they have to jump me.
Angel:
(gasps)
Oh, no. Oh God, Josh. I cannot believe that I was the one who caused all of this…and just because of something that I couldn’t just move on from!
Joshua:
(he takes her hands in his)
Promise me that you’ll wait for me. I’ll be close to death but I won’t let it take me. I’ll get someone to help me and you will be the first person I call.
Angel:
(she nods as tears start to form in her eyes)
I promise. I’ll go as soon as they call me.
(They hug and Joshua sees some of his fellow gangbangers waiting through the window off stage right. He stands and Angel sees them too. She begins to bawl.)
Angel:
Don’t go. Please. We can run away. I’ll run away with you, just please don’t go.
Joshua:
(kisses her gently and whispers)
I’m sorry, but I have to. I’ll make it through now that I know that you’re waiting for me.
(He takes her into his arms and they share a long embrace)
Joshua:
I love you.
(He pulls away from her and exits from stage right. She sits back down and cries.)
Let me just start off with that I'm a HUGE romantic and this was AMAZING! Especially for being your first script; it was very impressive. You could have changed some of your wording that you used because at times i felt myself re-reading sentences because they didn't make sense the first couple of times. I did like how you had it where the conversation flowed nicely. Very good on how you interpreted the whole game thing, that was quite a shocker.
okay, so, this is going to be a long review, but I recommend that you really listen to what I'm saying if you seriously want to get into scripts. First off, as RoarShark said, Dialog is differently formatted than what you think. It's not a big deal, I think pretty much everyone starting off in scripts makes this mistake.
what it is:
Joshua: Thank you for meeting me here. I didn’t think you would come.
JOSHUA
Thank you for meeting me here. I didn’t think you would come.
Angel Sanchez and Joshua Gonzales are meeting for coffee. They are both juniors at the same high school and it’s the August before their senior year. He is the one who broke her heart into a million pieces during their freshman year of high school and never apologized. She’s ready to give him a piece of her mind.
Joshua: I wanted to talk. (He leans on the table) I haven’t talked to you since 9th grade and we’re about to graduate. You never want to talk to me during school and every time I try to talk to you, you just look at me like I’m the only bad thing in your life.
JOSHUA
I wanted to talk.
Joshua leans on the table.
JOSHUA
I haven’t talked to you since 9th grade and we’re about to graduate. You never want to talk to me during school and every time I try to talk to you, you just look at me like I’m the only bad thing in your life.
Joshua: (He looks up and smiles.) Hey, Angela. Please, sit down.
JOSHUA
(He looks up and smiles.)
Hey, Angela. Please, sit down.
Just a small gripe. The formatting is wrong. Its very wrong. First off dialogue should look like this
Well. As a rule I'm not fond of mushy stuff, but I couldn't help going "awww~" at this. I'm not sure whether it was fiction or not, but in either case I can maintain that it was rather short and well-written as defense.
I only spotted one minor mistake - your usage of 'loose' where 'lose' should've come in.
Like here-
roxywriter1573 wrote:Joshua: (He laughs bitterly) Why can’t you just get over that? It was three years ago! I was a stupid kid and I didn’t know that I would loose such a wonderful person.
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