numb.

Hey!!! BitterRosemary here to give you a review!! Let's get started.
Frist off, WELCOME TO YWS!!
I am also new here; I've only been on 3 days. But welcome nonetheless.

I love this poem. It is, in a word: relatable. I have to agree with Observer, most of the population has felt this feeling. I'd go as far as to say 99%.
What I love about it specifically is the blatant. Sometimes writers get caught up in fancy formats and end rhymes or rhyme schemes and they forget to just let it be about the emotion and raw honesty, and that is what you have here.
A good message, and a simple format, Understandable, relatable, honest. Very well done!
7 out of 10!

Never stop writing!
BitterRosemary

Hey ObserverxD here ! Before i get started I want it to be clear that I don't believe everything I say is a fact. I'm just expresing my opinion on your work. It doesn't have to be absolutely correct, so take it with consideration.


There is a lot to be said about this work, I'll do my best to keep it short.

The idea of this poem is something that I believe 80% percent of the populacion can relate to. They might say that they have never felt that way, but that would be a lie. We all have those moments. The first thing that comes to mind while reading your work is : "Honesty". Your poem is honest and brave, not all people are brave enough to write like that, and to be honest to themselves as well to the people that are reading it. I would call this honesty a positive thing in your poem.

As for the other side of the coin. Your poem somewhat lacks the structure. I'm not saying that all poems should follow a patern in a way they should be written. IS just that this feels more like a chain of your thoughts than like an actual poem. In my own opinion you should try to give your work some form. It would (again in my own opinion) improve your work significantly.

Cheers,
ObserverxD

Hi there!

First things first, I like your username. What's interesting is that romance and realism don't really go together, you know? Check out the romanticist/realism movements if you don't know what I'm talking about, haha.

Regarding your poem:

I thought it was a bit choppy and the message it was supposed to deliver wasn't quite clear. While I understand that the narrator is 'numb', I don't really know what is going on. Is he/she trying to explain the phenomenon of being numb?

"A subtle feeling that [w]on't subside."

Change 'don't' to 'won't' because it doesn't sound quite right. Unless the 'don't' was intentional, but eh.

"I want to be something that [I] can't because I wasn't born that way."

Capitalize the 'i' because it isn't consistent with all the other uppercase 'I's. The line itself sound a little awkward, maybe consider taking out the 'because' and replacing it with a 'but'?

"And even still [I] feel numb, I can feel the hopelessness."

Again, capitalize the 'i'. The line sounds a bit odd, what with the repetitive 'I feel's, but maybe that's just me.

I thought that the overall concept of the poem had potential (I don't read too many poems on numbness so kudos), but it could have been longer and more emotional (being numb is supposed to evoke some emotions, no?).

Anyway, I hope I wasn't too harsh, and I hope you keep writing, considering that this is your first piece!