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140,072 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
loosely inspired by both the styles of louise gluck and @herb
then you marry yourself to a ghost--
text version:
Spoiler
a manic delusion or true love, nobody knows.
for a grandeur?
or perhaps the heart marked
"return to sender" sitting on the
kitchen counter. to find--
a way to repair, to sew, to
call a spade as it is: a weapon.
and yet the jury crowds.
and yet you tell the truth, an undeniable truth, nothing but
it.
because there she is:
limber fingers, all ten of them, like
twisting, turning vines. a rain and a growth. for a
moment (time), a movement (music)--it is not just a
lovers' hoax, it is all irrevocably
starlit.
Haiii :3
Yay, here for your requested review!!
First of all, I love how this poem moves between accusation to this sacred wonder by the end. It feels like the speaker is trying to put love on trial, but the evidence keeps becoming too beautiful to condemn. There’s such a tension between logic and devotion here, like the poem wants to call the relationship delusion, damage, haunting, all of that… but then it sees her and everything becomes starlit anyway. Ugh, I love that contradiction!!
This opening is so compelling!! “Marry yourself to a ghost” immediately gives us love as something both intimate and absent. Like, the beloved is present enough to be vowed to, but they're still not solid enough to fully hold. That’s such a devastating image!! I also really like “a manic delusion or true love” because it captures that scary edge of devotion where the speaker can’t tell if what they feel is holy or unhealthy. That uncertainty feels very real, especially as the speaker's voice develops/matures over the course of the poem!!
^^^ I’m really interested in “for a grandeur?” I agree with the other reviews that it's an old-timey word ~~ The phrase is intriguing, but I wonder if it could be sharpened a little. Do you mean “for grandeur,” like the speaker is chasing some dramatic, elevated version of love? Or “for a grandeur” as in a specific imagined greatness? I like the awkwardness because it feels unstable, but I also think this line could be deeper if the intention were clearer.
!!!! LOVE the heart on the kitchen counter image
This is such a good shift from abstraction into something domestic and physical. A heart marked “return to sender” is so painful because it makes love feel mailed, rejected, mishandled, and still somehow sitting there in the open ~~ I thought that was a powerful way to show how the speaker feels dejected. The kitchen counter is perfect, too!! It’s such a mundane place for something so emotionally loaded. Like, love has become an object in the house, something you have to walk past every day without much thought, nothing glaring or directly special.
This part feels almost courtroom-like, but also very internal, like the jury is made of shame, other people, maybe even versions of the speaker. I love the repetition of “and yet” because it has this insistence to it. Like, the speaker is building a case, but they're also sort of resisting the verdict. The line break before “it” is also really effective!! It makes truth feel like something too large to say directly, and then suddenly it collapses into one tiny word. That pause is dramatic in a good way. It creates this feeling of suspension, as if the poem is holding its breath before the beloved appears.
Oh my goodness, this is beautiful!!
I love how the poem softens here without losing its intensity!! After ghosts, weapons, juries, and rejected hearts, etc., we suddenly get fingers and vines and rain. The beloved becomes organic, alive, growing. “All ten of them” is such a tender detail because it’s so specific and bodily, and it makes the love feel real again. Same with “a rain and a growth," which is also gorgeous because it lets her be both the thing that falls and the thing that rises after. She nourishes, but maybe she also floods. That duality is so lovely and shifts the dynamic!!
This ending is stunning!! I adore “moment (time), a movement (music)” because it makes the poem feel like it’s trying to define the experience in multiple languages at once. Time isn’t enough, so it becomes music. Stillness isn’t enough, so it becomes motion. That’s such a lovely way to show how love exceeds explanation!! This whole ending captures so much emotion that I felt building up in the previous lines, too, and I never felt any image was out of place.
And “lovers’ hoax” is such an interesting phrase!! It brings back the earlier doubt: maybe this is delusion, or maybe this is performance, or maybe their love is tricking the speaker into believing something else. But then the ending refuses cynicism ~~ I really like that!! “Irrevocably / starlit” is SO romantic, but not cheaply romantic. It feels deserved because the poem has already passed through suspicion and hurt before it arrived there. The light at the end is chosen despite everything, rather than the traditional "naive" view.
^^^ My only thought is that the poem has so many powerful conceptual images, and they’re all really beautiful, but I wonder if one or two could be connected together a little more. The courtroom image especially is fascinating, and I wanted it to return near the end . Like, does her presence acquit the love? Condemn it? Make the jury irrelevant? There’s so much potential there!!
Ugh, this is such a lush and intelligent love poem!! Amazing work!! <33
- Payton
Oh hello!
When I first read this poem, what struck me most was the heavy sense of domesticity, e.g. the idea of being married to a ghost or finding a heart sitting on a kitchen counter.
Those ideas create this immediate atmosphere of isolation. The structure is particularly effective for that, too--those short staccato breaks and the isolated "it" create a sense of breathlessness. I felt this same way about the rhythmic parallel between 'for a moment (time), a movement (music)'--the parentheticals are wonderful for grounding the abstract hoax of love into something tangible and/ or rhythmic. I really liked the subversion of the idiom 'to call a spade a spade'. While the spade is a weapon that can kill, it’s also the tool used to plant the vines. There is a beautiful tension here that the same honesty that might destroy a relationship is also what makes it real.
Grandeur is a very formal/ static noun. You might want to experiment with an image that represents grandeur instead--e.g. something that glitters, towers, grows like the aforementioned vines--to extend the sensory imagery.
On a second read, I found myself focusing on the transition from the kitchen to the courtroom, and finally to the garden. There is a fascinating progression of 'judgment'. First, the internal judgment of wondering if it’s a manic delusion, then the literal jury that crowds the middle of the poem. It feels like the speaker is on trial for their own feelings. However, the tone shifts beautifully with the move from the weapon in the second stanza to the limber fingers and twisting vines in the fourth--it feels like some transition from coldness to something that is actually capable of growth. I noticed a striking shift in the elemental metaphors as the poem progresses, as well. We start with ghosts and delusions--things that lack substance--but move toward the visceral, organic growth of limber fingers compared to vines. This feels like a reclamation of life.
Overall: Loved this! Whether it is a delusion or true love becomes irrelevant by the end. I figured that the poem argues that if it exists, metaphorically or not, it’s real in some form.
I hope these thoughts are useful! xx
thank you so much! <3
oh wow, I LOVE the formatting here. I hope I remember to come back and review this in a timely manner.
aw thank you! <3
SORRY THAT WAS THE WRONG ACCOUNT <.<
OMG MY IMPERSONATOR
a very neat poem! I definitely see the Louise Glück influences; this is a very sensitive meditation on love / heartbreak / memories fading - specifically speaking, the spade image was very interesting to me. usually, we call a spade a spade to be honest or "down to earth." here, I liked that you acknowledge that truth itself can be used to cut / exhume things that may be better left buried. lovely work!
thank you!
Hi Chem!
As always, I rarely review so I hope you like this one! If it's poor quality or you have questions do let me know.
Shinies-
This poem hits close to home, immediately. It's poked me in the chest in an uncomfortable almost accusatory way. One of my favorite things about your writing is how beatiful the stanzas are. It's like you've mastered the art of saying just enough and it's very aesthetic. The first stanza is a jab, 'you did all of this for what?' I like that. It's harsh and hurting and sorrowful. Anger turned on yourself, and when you're greiving a failed relationship that happens to be part of it. It's hard to blame the other person it is easy to blame yourself. I am reading it as I see it in the moment by the way, this poem likely could be interpretted differently. Do not take this as me trying to 'type cast' your poem XP.
Ohhh, the second stanza, all of the mending dropped because you realized there's nothing to fix. A shovel is a weapon. The heart is already gone. I think that sits in a very unfortunate but beautiful way. I imagined a gardening spade a marble counter and a lavender envelope with a pink wax heart stamp enclosing it, to open the letter is to break the heart. It's very thematic.
You're being judged, and the truth hurts. You feel crowded. That's in the least what the poem gives in imagery to me. It's like your peaceful moment can't actually have its peace, people are intruding and gawking and it's making it hit harder because you're watched.
This next stanza is like a disembodied blissful outside veiw of the self. The way you wanted to be seen in the relationship. Or the way you are despite it. That you are beautiful and you have room for growth and strong cabable hands. Despite it all you are dignified, and starlit. It could also be read as how you see the other woman but I don't think thats the way I interpret it.
Make a nest-
So, now weaving together the parts of this poem I highlighted with the general vibe it is giving me! The poem is mournful and I am a sucker for mournful beauty in poetry. If longing and meloncholy poems have one fan it's me and if they have no fans I'm dead or whatever that meme is. I absolutely soaked up the divine scenic sadness. It felt like a fall evening with open windows and leaves blowing in. The dusky night where the sky is a mix of pastel blue and dark grey and the moon is peaking through the veil of light. Absolutely gentle and beautful and somber. And the ending is strong like the sun dissapearing ove the horizon. It's final, this IS starlit. No room for argument, I love that.
The Burrs-
Now scanning for any issues. I think this flows well. The one disconcerting thing I noticed would be "and yet you tell the truth, an undeniable truth, nothing but" this line is rather long in comparison to the others. Yet, I can't really judge that I can't see the image or how that plays in I'm just going by the text version. The transition to talking about her, from speaking of the kitchen is a bit sudden so it takes a rereading to understand why that takes place. Which I would assume as it seems to me is a bout of dissasociation but again that's my personal interpretation from my own inner world.
Water the tree-
I really enjoy your poems consistently. I hope you write more so i can devour your writing and steal it's essence and then get inspired and write more myself. :]]] You're such a good poet don't explode or anything.
This is Ares signing off~
~kachow!
i don't review enough omgthank you so much figgy!!! <3
<333