thunder and rain

Thunder claps,
the sky grows dark.
Bring on the rain.
Lightning where is the spark? Like the other reviewers said, this line doesn't quite make sense.

He has been put out; but not for long.
He can here it now, the rainman's song. Rain man needs to have a space between the two words.

Off in the distance war drums beat,
underneath the rhythm of marching feet,
soldiers of his army you are about to meet.

Thunder claps,
the sky grows dark.
Lightning brings the flame
and risen from the depths
sirens chant the name.

He drops his shoulders low
and looks towards the sky.
Reflections of a kingdom
burn into his eyes. I love this line. 'Reflections of a kingdom burnt into his eyes.' Awesome job.

Wronged from the past and the histories drawn.
The mind has been freed
and time is all but gone.
He stands between the sounds,
his feet rooted to the very ground.

Thunder claps,
the sky grows dark.
Bring on the rain.

First I would like to say, WELCOME to YWS!

Hmmm...

I really like this! I am not sure quite why but it has a sort of surreal feel to it. I can almost here drums playing, rain falling, thunder clapping and see the lighting flash!

My mind took off with all kinds of possible story lines to go with this poem. I would love to know your interpretation of it.

~FW~

Hi, this is TSM, and I'll be your reviewer today! Red font means changes, and bold face are comments. First of all, capitalize 'Thunder and Rain', you title.

robertzimmerman wrote:Thunder claps,
the sky grows dark.
Bring on the rain.
Lightning, where is the spark? Okay, this line in general doesn't quite make sense.

He has been put out; but not for long.
He can here it now, the rainman's song.

Off in the distance war drums beat,
underneath the rhythm of marching feet,
soldiers of his army you are about to meet.

Thunder claps,
the sky grows dark.
Lightning brings the flame
and risen from the depths
sirens chant the name. The last two lines of this stanza also do not make sense.

He drops his shoulders low
and looks towards the sky.and looks up toward the sky. Since you've said 'low' in the first line, maybe you should add 'up' in the second.
Reflections of a kingdom
burn into his eyes.

Wronged from the past and the histories drawn.
The mind has been freed
and time is all but gone.
He stands between the sounds,
his feet rooted to the very ground.

Thunder claps,
the sky grows dark.
Bring on the rain.

comments
changes

Thunder claps,
the sky grows dark.
Bring on the rain.
Lightning where is the spark? This line didn't seem right to me. I'd suggest revising the one above it to "Bring on the rain, the lightning" and then having that line be "Where is the spark?"

He has been put out; but not for long.
He can here it now, the rainman's song. I liked these lines, but why did you not separate them into four is all I have to ask? They're fine as they are, it's just that you have 4 lines in the stanza before... -shrug- This isn't an error, more like a formatting confusion? xD

Off in the distance war drums beat, <-- liked this
underneath the rhythm of marching feet,
soldiers of his army you are about to meet. 'His' didn't fit here. Who is his? I'd suggest changing it to "an."

Thunder claps,
the sky grows dark.
Lightning brings the flame
and risen from the depths You kind of broke your rhyme scheme here. It hurts the flow a bit... You might want to revise or omit this line completely.
sirens chant the name.

He drops his shoulders low
and looks towards the sky.
Reflections of a kingdom
burn into his eyes. <-- liked this line.

Wronged from the past and the histories drawn.
The mind has been freed
and time is all but gone.
He stands between the sounds,
his feet rooted to the very ground.

Thunder claps,
the sky grows dark.
Bring on the rain.