“Kiss me.” She begged, her lips upturned, as if she expected his cold, unfeeling eyes to soften and lips to descend on hers. “Kiss me and it can be over. This can be over.” He stared, and she continued, “I’ve been chasing you for months, and just as soon as I forget you, you appear again. I want to be done.” Still nothing. Clenching her teeth, she finally looked down, breaking away from the eyes that once held her captive. “Kiss me, and I can move on. I can mark you down as a has been not a could have been and we can move on with our lives. You can go to college and I-” His hand gripped the bottom of her chin, tilting her face up to look at him.
“But what if I don’t want this to be over?” His lips turned inwards as he bit them both at the same time, a childish habit carried over to the brink of adulthood. “What if I like this?” Two months ago those words would have made her melt. Would have sparked a flame inside her and she would have blushed and smiled and batted her eyelashes, wishing moments like these would last.
But it was not two months ago.
She jerked her chin to the left, easily breaking his hold. “I don’t care what you want.” Her voice was tight, and out of her peripheral vision she saw him deflate the smallest bit. “I need this to be over.” She finally met his eyes. “You are nothing to me.” Her heart sank and she sank her nails into the palm of her hand, willing herself and him to believe it.
He nodded once, twice, as if confirming to both himself and her that he was ready for this to end. Whatever this was.
Then he kissed her.
The emotions that had plagued the both of them for two years were finally unleashed, and as she drew her arms around his neck a slight moan escaped him. It was the beginning of the end, and in desperation to cling to whatever was left he kissed her harder, loved her lips with every fiber of the very being that could never love her. Flushed, she backed away, and once again stared down at the faded tile of the ground.
“Good.” She nodded once, twice, as if confirming to both herself and him that she was ready for this to end. Whatever this was. “I’ll see you around, I guess,” Her voice was hoarse, and she turned around, opening the door to the outside.
“Yeah. I’ll see you later Gia.” A wry smile appeared on both their faces, and the door swung shut.
They never spoke again.
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140,078 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Hmm, this was a very intriguing story here. It didn't go anywhere near the direction I was expecting it to go and that's a good thing here, because it presented a somewhat unique situation here and a rather powerful one at that.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay....well this is quite something. I don't believe I've ever seen a request quite like that one get put out before especially at the very start of a story nor with the kind of weight this particular request here seems to be carrying, because I get the distinct feeling there is more to this than just a kiss.
Okay....now that's even more interesting, it seems like they're stuck in some sort of vicious loop here and the only way that they are going to be successfully escaping said loop is through something that appears to be a fairly painful denunciation of each other and this love they seem to share.
Okayy...well that appears to be going in a rather painful direction there. As someone who reads a lot of angsty romance, this one appears to be headed in one particular direction and these descriptors are just very familiar at this point as signs of mental torture to come.
Well that's quite the ending there. Its a pretty sad situation, but it seems like a decision made out of necessity and one that perhaps in the long run ended up being better for both people here. Its a bit like a stab to the heartstrings but also a surprisingly complete sounding ending here, and on that feels bittersweet rather than fully sad.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, I think its a pretty solid piece here. There's quite a powerful message in there and it is a pretty intriguing read on the whole. I think you do a pretty good with bringing across the emotions as well here.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
This story was very detailed and realistic; a common thing which happens in nowadays' society! The way in which you wrote it was very convincing and eye-catching, wanting me to read on. I also loved the characters and you gave a sense of traits in a short amount of writing, which is a very good skill. However, I don't think that the ending is as good as it could have been, if you had carried it on myself and many others would be very convinced to read more! You're a very talented and organised writer! Carry on writing!:)
This is very well written, I can tell that this story has a lot of effort in it. I like that there is a tension of Gia demanding for a kiss, but he wouldn't respond, which makes me wanna read more of it. However, they never spoke again but they said they'll see each other later, which doesn't make any sense and it's also ironic. Other than that, you did an excellent job at writing this story.
Hello! Here to review!
First off, I did click on this because the title are lyrics from a Mcfly song XD
Anyhooo, I'm not really sure what to make of this. This reads more like a chunk of a much bigger story than a short story of it's own.
Why does she want him to kiss her so much is he means nothing to her?
If he means nothing to her, why does she care if he leaves a 'has been' or 'could have been'?
Surely kissing someone you had been chasing and then forgotten about is only going to make things worse? She's just torturing herself... If he means nothing to her, let him be nothing. Don't beg him, girl...
'His lips turned inwards as he bit them both at the same time, a childish habit carried over to the brink of adulthood' - I like that bit. Its the only characterisation in the whole thing.
So, all in all, I don't really get anything from this because I don't know these characters, her actions don't make sense, I don't know there past and how he got from someone she was obsessed over to someone who means nothing to her.
I just... I just... You don't have enough in this for it to be a story. There is no real start and end. You just seem to have written the middle chunk so the reader is left unfulfilled.
You writing is good, but I think you should expand on this to make the characters and the story more fleshed out. This could be turned into a novella.
Hope this helps!
It for sure does. To be honest, this was kind of just a scene I wrote in the middle of something like this that was happening.
As for the "I don't care what you want" -- it's supposed to signify that he's tugged her along for too long, and she wants to let him know that she wants to kiss him to get this dalliance over with. In my life, we had never kissed before this moment, and so it became a first and a last and I was able to get over them.
The character had to be cool, or else she would've melted under him and told him she was sorry and they could try again and make it work, but in attempting to stay cool, she became ice.
I'm actually super glad you saw it as a scene because that's really all it was. Also thank you so much for the suggestions, I'll carry them with me as I continue writing
Wooaahh, this was great! So much emotion conveyed in such little space! I really loved this! So, on to the review!
~ I can mark you down as a has been not a could have been and we can move on with our lives.
I really like this line. It makes me think that this girl has been in a similar situation before, which makes her an interesting character
~ Her voice was tight, and out of her peripheral vision she saw him deflate the smallest bit.
So I get that she's looking to wherever she jerked her head but is there a specific thing she is watching? Or is she just staring into space? Is something interesting to her, or is she avoiding his gaze? I think you should explain this.
~ Then he kissed her.
I think this line should actually be a few more sentences. This should be the peak of the story, so it's gotta be BIG. For example, does he touch her before? Does she close her eyes? you've gotta show more, not just tell.
~ They never spoke again.
This is a good ending! Love it!
This review is quite short but I don't really have anything else to say except excellent job! These characters are really interesting to me!
Maise out!