crying on the cross

very cool poem it fits this season well and the title is what cought my eye first

I really like this poem. The words inbetween the verses made more of an impact and was like a verse in themselves.

rememberme wrote:Nailed.

Savior.

Forgive.

Worship.

Forgotten.

For us.

This is an amazing poem, you have captured every aspect of what happened that day. It is so symbolic to so many people and you just made it simple and plain to see. But you also gave it that quality of a poem. Great Job keep on writing your awesome at it.

AWWWW you cried?! OMG that touched my heart, and I'm so glad it touched yours! Thank you so much for reading it, and thank you so much for loving it!:D

This was an amazing poem. I cried the first time I've read it, you captured the beauty and the sorrow, and everything about the Savior's death. I have reread it over and over again and I know its definetly one of my favorites I've seen on here. Great job. (:

my friend this is a beautiful poem it really brings home the emotions of own lord and saviours death. the descriptives really touched a nerve and put a knot in my stomach. im not just saying this because i'm a Christian but this is my favourite poem on this site. keep up the outstanding work

Homepage wrote:The Featured Works section displays the five most popular works over the past three days as judged by the number of 'Likes' each has received in those three days."

Really great and discriptive. I am a Christian and I love the way that you expressed Jesus's emotions. Alot of people sometimes forget that he had them, I think.

thank you and yes feel free to share with whoever you please(: thank you all for commenting. But, someone tell me if your work is in "feature work" what does that mean exactly?

This was a nice poem; unlike a lot of religious pieces on the site it isn't preachy or offensive to other religions - like I believe Christianity itself should be, it is good-natured and pure. It talks about one of the most influencial (if not THE most influencial) pieces in the Bible and shows all the elements that make faith what it is. And are you new to the site? Wow!
I thought this was really nice.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver

this is AMAZING! its descriptive and its about JESUS for crying out loud! I've never seen anything like it and think its probably the best poem I've read (not including the stuff I've written(JOKE)) and wish you luck in your

hard times

Hey there! Normally, I would avoid a poem like this, but I scanned the reviews you've received, and it seems that there's much that you can do to make this a great poem that has not been pointed out. Before I start, just remember that this is a literary review, so don't get mad. Okay, so:

Below, you'll see the entire poem in a quote box with corrections and changes made where I see fit. I'm going to ask for several things from this poem because, if you do this as a form of worship, I think you should aim for perfection.

Step One: This poem, as it stands, shows a lack of ability to show and not tell. You have some powerful descriptions in the piece, but they're marred by the tags at the beginnings of the lines that say "I see"/"I hear", etc. I want you to try showing me the scene without giving me a second-person account of the event. Give me power. Give me gore. Give me the epitome of sacrifice that stirs masses to tears. As it stands, you fail at doing so. There was one description--and only one--that made me feel something:

The ghosts of a thousand soldiers whispering down his back.

I see him with his arms hanging unto the wooden cross.
Nailed. <---Try moving this somewhere else. I hate this gap in the spacing.
I hear the screaming of his mother.

I can feel the weight of the world pressing down on his shoulders.
The ghosts of a thousand soliders whispering down his back,
"Savior."

I see the tears drop from his brown face, swiftly.
I see the hurt that seeps through his moans and yelps.
Forgive.

I watch the clouds gather up in front of the sun as rain beats down on this dry ground.
I watch the other two men stare death straight in the eye.
I see the man in the middle stare to the heavens.
Worship.

I see deciples bow at his feet as the whip cracks on his back.
I feel the blood bubble to the surface of his worn skin.
Forgotten.

I hear people shout cries of joy as he aproaches death.
I see people fall to their knees and bow their heads low and clasps their hands.
I watch as he breathes sin into his lungs and sacrifices his life.
For us.

And before his last breath has been breathed I hear him whisper,
"Forgive them father for they do not know what they
have done"

rememberme wrote:And before his last breath has been breathed I hear him whisper "Forgive them father for they do not know what they have done"

This is one amazing poem. Your a really good poet and this poem says it. Keep writing!!!

WOW.. that is all i can say.
Beautiful poem. Nice view of our Savior's death, and our new life. Wonderful.
You have blessed yet another Jesus freak.Yeah, baby!

I think everyone has pretty much pointed out everything I saw in it error wise. I still thought it was amazing! Really. I have read poems before about our Saviour and how someone "feels" it and somehow experiences his pain and I usually hate them because honestly, how do you honestly know what it feels like. I like how you did that in a way but not in an overpowering way, you mostly make it seem like you were a crowd member, watching and experiencing it in that way.Congratulations on being the first person to write one that I like, no love!

That. was. AWESOME!!! Seriously, reading it brought tears to my eyes. I think it is perfect just the way it was written. I could seriously see this being made into a song, published on the radio. Do you mind if I share this with some Christian friends? I know they would love it as well. This was just amazing. Thanks for posting

Don't get me wrong, I really love the poem. It is awesome. I just thought it could be better. But it is your poem. I didn't mean to offend you or tell you what to do with your poem. I guess I misinterpreted, my fault. You don't have to take any of the advice I wrote there, it's just what I thought could have made it more descriptive. Anyway, I apologize. I wasn't calling your poem tacky, I was just saying that that's how some people might think and that a way you could get out of that is to use 3rd Person. Sorry. And I am actually one of the people that Likes this poem.

This is beautiful. I am a christian, I believe in god but sometimes I wonder about Jesus. But I loved this poem. It was beautiful, almost like something my church paster would read to everyone. I loved it, it was beautiful, it was incredible.

I know this is no help, but I just thought I'd put that out there.

This is amazing! It is so descriptive, and actually quite difficult to read - but that's exactly how it should be, I think.
I disagree with that long review you got, you should take no notice because that person is telling you what to write, like he is telling you to describe the crowd and the reason Jesus is crying - you don't have to. It's your poem. I think it is really really good, and I honestly can't believe someone aged 16 can write that. It is completely timeless. Obviously there are spelling errors, and some lines could be shorter/longer, but the content makes up for that.

TheNewHero,
I wrote this because I am going through a hard time in my life and I thought of all the suffering Jesus went through just so I could live and repent. I like it the way it is. This wasnt meant to be perfect, none of us are. I wrote what I was feeling, and that is how it is written. I just wrote, got on my computer and spilled my heart out about our saviors death. I'm sorry if your not pleased with the way I told it, but if that's the case then write your own. Thank you for giving me all the advice, but I dont want it when it comes to this poem. I like it the way it is, and other people like it too. I know its not perfect, but I'm only 16 haha I'm not Nicholas Sparks here. If you ask me, it was really good, probably some of the best work I've done. With all due respect, I really didnt apperciate that you called my poem "tacky" or that you would even mention that word after reading this. Tacky is the last thing this is and I'm very offened and it was rude.

*REMOVED FOR OFFENSE*

This was really, really, really good. I could feel everything you were describing and I could see it in my head. You definatly captured that day very well. Thank you for writing this.

This is wonderful, rememberme! Really Good! I'm glad to read this kind of poetry! I love it, since I'm a Jesus freak/fan/lover! I was thinking maybe you're interested in following/joining this: page.php?id=176 (God has more followers)
Keep writting

Thank you, and yeah I'm not the best speller(: haha, but I'm glad you were moved and that you both loved the poem. It means alot to me. Thank you both.
(: <3

This is great. Not just for a novice. For anyone. Has a great flow for free form. I especially like how every few lines you have the single word line. That was a stroke of genius. The emotions are great, very raw and powerful. They depict Jesus's death both evocatively and touchingly.

The ghosts of a thousand soliders whispering down his back. I love this line.

I see the hurt that seeps through his moans and yelps. I would use "pain" instead of "hurt" here. Also, the word "yelps" kind of detracts from the overall grace of the poem. Try something a little more eloquent.

I see deciples bow at his feet as the whip cracks on his back. I believe it's spelled "disciples." XD

I watch as he breathes sin into his lungs and sacrifices his life. Another line I really like.

And before his last breath has been breathed I hear him whisper "Forgive them father for they do not know what they have done" Since it's extremely long, this would look better divided into two lines, the first ending with "whisper" and the second beginning with "Forgive."

The beauty and the sadness of our Savior's death, you've captured both. Well done!
I'm not the best person to corrected poetry so I won't. I just wanted you to know that I read it and was greatly moved. Thank you for writing it. <3

~Pro