Published March 17, 2011
I can’t wait to see your face again.
To hear your voice again.
I know your parents don’t want us to be together,
But it kills me inside that I can’t see you.
You and I have the world against us
But I know we can fight through it all to be together.
I can’t live in this world without you.
I need you here by my side to help me through this
Because I don’t think I can do it alone.
I just want you to hold me in your arms
And tell me everything’s going to be okay.
But then, reality hits me,
And I realize that you can’t do anything about it.
I want to be with you,
But nothing we say or do can change their minds.
If I can’t be with you,
Then at least listen to these last words.
I’m giving you my heart.
I love you, and I always will.
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140,603 Literary Works • 673,549 Reviews
I like the poem. It has an emotion and I can relate to your feelings. I think you shoud work on using more poetic devices in your poetry but other than that good job. Would you please check out my poem?
Thanks...and it is a true story:)
Hey there. It's good to pour your emotions out and not bottle them up. (This statement is only applicable if this poem is a true story.)
So, here's a review.
I would suggest using commas and periods in this poem, since they indicate pauses, and help with the flow.
You ended with a period here:
But after that, there was no punctuation whatsoever till the last line.
I would suggest breaking this poem up into stanzas. It makes it easier to read.
I can’t wait to see your face again.
To hear your voice again.
I know your parents don’t want us to be together,
But it kills me inside that I can’t see you.
You and I have the world against us
But I know we can fight through it all to be together.
I can’t live in this world without you.
I need you here by my side to help me through this
Because I don’t think I can do it alone.
I just want you to hold me in your arms
And tell me everything’s going to be okay.
But then, reality hits me,
And I realize that you can’t do anything about it.
I want to be with you,
but nothing we say or do can change their minds.
If I can’t be with you,
Then at least listen to these last words.
I’m giving you my heart.
I love you Alex, and I always will. (Would suggest removing the heart, since it makes the poem look less formal.)
If this is a true story, then hang in there. Time heals everything. Stay strong!
And keep writing.