Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
Sometimes he was crazy,sometimes he was numb,sometimes he was fuzzy... What made a difference was that these were the various shades of his never expressed feelings..
Yeah there were times when he cried,there were times when he felt like losing himself for stupid reasons.
Yeah once he fell for a girl,he loved her forever ..endlessly,recklessly.
Yeah there were times when when he cried for his mum and Papa for ignoring them without any reason.
Yeah there were times when he thought like 'what if I lose someone I love' when he walk silently through an orphanage.
Yeah he wished silently for the well being of those kids in that shattered orphanage building.
There were times when he wanted to hug his mother really tight and say 'I love you maa' but was unable to move..
Yeah he cared for his sister the most,he always wanted to lover her sister at his best..he always wanted to be the best brother a sister can ever have,but was unable to make her feel the unaltered unconditional hues of his love.
Yeah there were times when he suddenly woke up at 2 in night and breath recklessly, haunted by some unwanted memories that are now tucked at his heartstrings.
Yeah he can turn the world upside down for the people he loves.
Have you ever thought why some people are like that?
Have you ever tried to explore them,read them like one of your favourite mystery book.
But suddenly there comes a person in his life and all hues were recreated.
The boy who never expressed anything began to talk endlessly now.
Unfortunately that 'one person' is hard to find in this total insane world.
What do you feel on his part? He never tried to express himself?
In that case you are wrong my friend...
He tried but was ignored,he tried to draw his feelings upon the heart of his favourite people but was torn apart,he tried to rhyme himself for those he loved but was altered with random words all around.
Trust me these people are one of the most beautiful souls that ever exist.. Please be that special person and feel the nerves of the people you thought are mad,lost somewhere, in something, never expressed anything.
Try to read them once I promise you they will be the finest form of fiction you've ever thought of.
©Rehaan.
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125,016 Literary Works • 672,852 Reviews
Hello, there. It seems to me like this work is very personal to the author, which is fine, but it does show some problems grammatically and content-wise. I'll try to keep this short for everyone's sake, so let's begin this little review, shall we?
Separate the first sentence so it sounds like "Sometimes he was crazy, sometimes he was numb, sometimes he was fuzzy." Also, I suggest deleting the other 'ever'.
You misspell this word several times in the work. It's losing, not loosing. Losing=letting go, or failing. Loosing=Becoming less tight, setting free. Losing himself is the way to say it.
Fell, not falled.
Delete the extra when.
Again, lose, not loose.
Unless this is referring to another person's mother, it should be his mother, not her mother.
Delete till.
Now, onto the more substantial portion of this review.
A) Proofreading is an essential part of the writing process. The audience can't feel what it can only barely understand, which is why the above grammar and spelling errors need to be fixed. There are more issues with the work that I didn't point out, so I suggest fixing all of those first.
B) Content wise, I couldn't really understand the author's pain. I know this is just supposed to be a work that tells the reader to do something, but I can only barely understand the storyline here, and I'm still not sure if it's referring to one person or multiple people. It jumps to orphanages and lost loves and being ignored, none of which I can properly connect or relate to here because it makes little sense. I suggest trying to narrow your focus or at least make the story more cohesive.
Anyway, that's all I have for you now. It's good that you're writing this, it may be to console some problem you have currently, and writing is good therapy. I hope all goes well for you after this.
Signing out,
--EM.
thanks alot.
Hello! How are you? This was really good! I really liked the idea you expressed in this.However, your grammar was a bit off.So please look at your small grammatical errors first before submitting something. Anyway I liked your word choice.This was all simple but it explained such a complex feeling.And that is really good.
This is your first piece on here and it is not that bad, as you keep writing and posting on here, everything will improve. I'm sorry I could not give a more detailed review as I usually do but I am really tired.
Anyway, I hope to read more from you.
Ps I liked this line:
"Trust me these people are one of the most beautiful souls that ever exist.. Please be that special person and feel the nerves of the people you thought are mad,lost somewhere, in something, never expressed anything.
Try to read them once I promise you they will be the finest form of fiction you've ever thought of."
Have a good day! Bye!
Thank you so much!!